Happy Halloween!

I forgot to mention this earlier, so happy halloween everyone! I've had 11 kids so far and way too much candy. Perhaps I should start giving out more candy per kid. So far the best costume has been the fairy costume on a dog!

3dp5dt

First, a little rant…

You may or may not recall my rant I wrote about a while back about a coworker who went on maternity leave and when she left I had to take over some of her projects (you probably don’t – I wouldn’t remember either probably – so here’s the post I wrote).

Well, this morning, I forwarded her an e-mail regarding an issue that she is supposed to work on and I cc’d my boss. She responded back to me that this wasn’t part of her job when it so clearly is, and my boss told her to look into it. I went and asked my boss a little while later if I was wrong to forward that e-mail to my co-worker, and my boss said no. Gah! I am so completely annoyed by her – does she do any work at all or talk on the phone all day? Oh, and when she sees me in the hall, her and her buddy completely ignore me. What fun coworkers I have!


Anyway, I was a little stressed this morning regarding some project my boss wanted me to work on. I walked around a little too much and have a little bit of cramping. Oh, and in the vanpool this morning, I cannot seem to stop myself from feeling anxious about this wait. I only (only, hah!) have 1 week to go, so I need something to occupy my mind and to relax me because the music isn't doing it. It doesn't help that the driver of the van was very close to hitting another car this morning - apparently, even though we had gone through one tunnel on I-90 to come out to the bright sun directly in front of us while going across Lake Washington, he apparently forgot about this when going through the 2nd tunnel and seemed surprised to find a bright sun and people might actually brake after coming out of the dark tunnel to the bright sun. Wow, that was one big rambling sentence - hopefully, it makes sense; I don't feel like correcting it.

Well, anyway, that's all for now.

2dp5dt

The alarm goes off at 6, so my husband can give me the PIO shot before he goes to work. I'm hoping I can go back to sleep. Again, no such luck. I feel tired, but I can't sleep. In a little while, I'm going to go read my book on the couch. I'm sure that will put me to sleep...maybe.

Also, I'm hurting a little bit. I don't know if it's from the retrieval still or the transfer, but I hurt. I can only hope that the pain is from our embies implanting themselves...although it's too early for that, isn't it? Hmm, according to fertility friend, implantation can happen on day 7 after ovulation or even earlier.

I wish I didn't have to wait another 8 days!

Even more...

3:23 p.m.


I found the problem with getting up at 7 on a weekend day and being told to keep off your feet as much as possible (did anyone else get this advice from the RE’s office?) – I am so completely bored and it’s only a little after 3 p.m. on Sunday and I’m planning on staying home tomorrow too per RE’s instructions. My husband was away helping a co-worker move, so he was gone for nearly 4 hours (I watched 4 episodes of The Bachelor while he was gone - not sure why I decided to watch this season). And I’m sure now that he’s home, he is going to study for his classes I wish I felt like reading my book, but I have no motivation even though I was trying to read 52 books this year and I’m only on #37 with 2 months to go. I want to go out and do something or at least have some conversation with a human being in person. I am going stir crazy.

1dp5dt - Update

9:48 a.m.


Well, we just got the phone call from the RE – the other 3 didn’t make it to blast, so we have no embryos to freeze. I’d be lying if I said that this doesn’t upset me. I can only hope that the 2 inside of me implant and stick sround for a long while. If that’s the case, then we wouldn’t need any frozen embryos. This feels like added pressure though for these ones to work. I know we are in the shared risk program, so we still have 2 more fresh cycles and 3 frozen (if we ever get there), but I don’t want to do another fresh cycle anytime soon or ever. Of course, I will if I have to.

1dp5dt

8:53 a.m.

The alarm went off at 7 this morning for us to do the PIO shot. I tried to go back to sleep, but that wasn’t happening. I just laid there and listened to some music and prayed that this cycle will work. I have 9 more days until I find out the results. On the one hand, I need time to speed up so it can be November 7, but on the other hand, I need it to go as is so I can make sure I get some work stuff done before November 30.

I still have some cramping this morning and my breasts are so super sore. I’m tired, but I can’t seem to sleep right now. I don’t plan to go to work tomorrow, and I still need to remind my boss of this fact. Well, that’s all for now. As soon as the doctor calls, I’m sure I’ll have more to say.

Ooh, actually, my husband just reminded me of this. I’ve seen on other blogs how some people give silly names to their embryos, and I asked my husband if he wanted to do that and he said no, so we weren’t. Possibly because that would mean we would be getting too attached. But then this morning he said something about “Unter” and “Uber” – which is under and over in German. I asked him why that and he said it was because in the picture, one of the embryos was over the other one and one was under the other one. It’s cute, so I’m sticking with it. I don’t have a scanner so I can’t show the picture to you right now, but my husband said he would scan the picture when he goes into work tomorrow. O.K. that’s really all for now.

Transfer History Pt. 4

From October 28, 2006

7:23 p.m.

Looking at this picture of our embryos brings tears to my eyes. These little embryos may become our child(ren). It’s just so amazing.

9:35 p.m.


I’m here hanging out at home by myself. Well, my furbabies are here – Oliver is hanging out with me on the couch. I’m not sure where Sophie is – probably on her favorite chair upstairs.

My husband went out to play a game with our guy friends. I’m sitting here watching VH1 Storytellers with the Dixie Chicks. I’m really enjoying it. I wish I could go to the concert in November – I think it’s down in Tacoma. The tickets are too expensive for me at the moment.

I’ve been cramping all day. I googled it, of course, and saw that this is normal, but it’s hard not to worry when you have so much riding on this.

Transfer History Pt. 3

October 28, 2006 3:03 p.m.

Well, I came close to floating away, but thankfully, I didn’t. I drank too much water that they said I could go to the bathroom a little bit – that’s not really an easy thing to do.

To backtrack a bit, we showed up to the clinic around 11:05 or so. At first, they weren’t answering the phone to let us into the building, but on the 2nd try, they buzzed us in. We get up there and waited for what felt like too long since I desperately had to go to the bathroom. Listening to music on my iPod helped. We finally go back to the transfer room – they check my bladder and allow me to go the bathroom a little bit. At first, I thought the nurse was telling me to drink more water and I freaked out a bit!

We get back into the room and the doctor comes to introduce herself – the last doctor in this clinic I’ve yet to meet. She seems really nice and actually reminds me of a friend I had in law school which was a bit weird. The doctor hands us a picture of the two embryos that they are going to transfer. Those two embryos made it to blast, so yay! She said that she feels our chances are good with these embryos.

The other embryos – 2 of them arrested; the other 3 are still going, but she’s not sure if they will make it blast. It is possible that one of them will, she said. We will find out for sure tomorrow. After signing some paperwork telling us what happened with all the eggs, then embryos, we were ready to get started.

The doctor knocked on this sliding window and the embryologist was on the other side. The doctor prepared everything for the transfer to take place. After that, she switched the screen to show how the embryologist was getting the 2 embryos. Then once the embryologist got the embryos, the doctor inserted the catheter and then transferred the embryos. The embryologist then got the device back to make sure the embryos were actually in my uterus, which they were. After she took out the catheter, they also took a picture with the ultrasound to show us where the embryos were placed.

With any luck, one or both of them stick around for a long while. We will find out for sure on Tuesday, November 7. I need to call to make an appointment for that on Monday.

Right now, I’m just hanging out writing this for whenever I post this to my blog. I watched Lost and Veronica Mars, but I don’t feel like watching tv right now. I really don’t feel like doing much of anything really. I need it to be November 7.

Well, that’s all for now.

Transfer History Pt. 2

From October 28, 2006

8:45 a.m. – After waking up at 7 this morning for the PIO shot, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I checked my e-mail and checked up on some blogs that I read. During that time, I tried to see how long it would take me to drink 16.9 oz of water – about 38 minutes. And I’m supposed to drink 24-32 oz in 30 minutes? Also, I’ve had to go to the bathroom twice since drinking all that water. I really think that 16.9 oz is more than enough to give me a full bladder, but I’ll drink what they told me – or at least, as much as I can of that in 30 minutes.

Right now, I’m downstairs writing while Sophie (one of my furbabies) sleeps on the couch – she is looking so adorable!!! I feel so much love for my kitties – I’m sure I will only feel more when I’m looking at my baby. I’m really anxious about today – how are our embies doing? Did they make it to blast? In just a little over 2 1/2 hours, we’ll know.

Something that I’ve thought about in the last little bit is what if they put back 2 embryos and they both stick. I’m just not sure how I feel about carrying twins. Sure, it might be great to have 2 children right away like that – no more fertility treatments needed, but I’m afraid of having them be born premature. I’m nervous about whether or not I’ll have to be put on bedrest during the last trimester of pregnancy. This may or may not happen, but I do have some concerns in having multiples, but I also don’t want to lose out on a chance to get pregnant if I only put one embryo back in and that doesn’t work, but the other one would have. Although we are in the shared risk program, I really, really don’t want to have to do this all again. I would love it so much if it worked the first time. Wouldn’t we all?

I’m doing my best to visualize this IVF working. Having the embryo or embryos implant. Then on November 7 (the date of the first beta – I think), finding out all of this was worth it by getting a BFP.


On another topic, I’ve been e-mailing the woman in my vanpool who just had a baby. She had told another vanpool person that she was curious how things were going with me, so we e-mailed and she told me she would love for me to come visit her newborn baby. I think I might do that sometime next week before I find out the results of this IVF. She also has a friend who just went through an IVF cycle. Her retrieval was on the 21st and her transfer was on the 24th. She will find out her results the day before me.

Anyway, I once again have to go to the bathroom. I am certain that I have the smallest bladder ever. Then in 1/2 hour, I have to insert the prometrium. Such fun!

Transfer History Pt. 1

Well, over the past few days, I've wrote some stuff regarding the transfer that I'm going to post now - but I'll post them in several entries as some can be a bit long.

From October 27, 2006:


It is now the night before the transfer. I just got back from a pumpkin carving party, and I am going to bed. I’ve been anxious all day. I haven’t been able to get much work done at work. Hopefully, when I drink all that water tomorrow, I won’t float away! Well, I should try and get some sleep. We still need to wake up early to do the PIO shot @7, then at 9:30, I have to do the prometrium. Then at 10:30, start drinking all that water. I feel really hopeful that this will work. I am trying my hardest to keep a positive attitude. November 7 won’t come soon enough. Alright, I’m really going to sleep now.

No more blasts

The doctor called about a little over an hour ago to let us know that the 3 remaining embryos didn't make it to blast, so we have nothing to freeze. Hopefully, it won't matter because the 2 blasts that they did transfer will stick around for a long time.

Quick Update on Today's Transfer

I have a big long post written, but I'm going to post that a little later. I just wanted to write a quick post on what happened this morning at transfer.

2 of the 7 embryos went to blast and were transferred this morning. 2 of the embryos arrested and the other 3 are iffy right now. The doctor thinks that maybe one of those could make it to blast by tomorrow. They are supposed to call tomorrow to let us know.

Beta is on November 7.

PIO

Because I can't stop thinking of this IVF cycle, I was curious what the side effects were for the progesterone. Apparently, I've got a few of those side effects and I feel the need to share them with all of you...

1) The main one being that I'm so freaking tired. I went into work 2 hours late today and I still wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the day.

2) Breast tenderness - which it seems I've been having before starting the PIO (probably because of the other drugs I've been taking).

3) Runny nose and sneezing - it did seem I was sneezing a lot lately, but since I've been sneezing a lot lately before - this one could probably be attributed to allergies. But the runny nose part - that's different. I might have had a stuffed nose before, but now it feels runny a lot of the time.

4) One of the side effects listed is excessive worrying. I know I feel incredibly anxious, but I don't think it has anything to do with this drug.

The next one is a bit TMI

5)Constipation - I thought I was doing alright in this department, but not lately. And also, ever since retrieval, it has hurt to have a full bladder so I'm really not sure how I'll feel on Saturday.

Oh, and speaking of the PIO shots - this morning's shot hurt like hell. I don't know what we did differently, but it hurt. I want to go back to when I barely felt it.

Hmm...

I probably shouldn't be doing this, but I'm reading all about embryos going to blast and I'm just so anxious for this transfer to happen. So I would like it to be Saturday already, then I want to skip ahead to the day of the beta test to find out the results - which I hope will be a BFP. None of this waiting around and wondering. Wouldn't that be nice?

I will need a lot of distraction during this wait (which is not as long as a 2ww, but may feel like it after a while).

Update on Transfer

I just got a call from the nurse at the clinic - transfer will be at 11:30. I'm to take the lovely prometrium at 9:30 and 1 hour before transfer, I'm to drink all that water and hold it!

Not sure when my next update will be as I'm going to want to rest as much as possible to help those embryos stick. We'll see how things go!

Update & Other Info

There are quite a few things that I want to mention today:

1) Transfer will happen on Saturday! I just got the phone call from the embryologist. She said that 4 of the embryos are at 8 cells and the other 3 are looking good as well (she didn't say how many cells). She said a nurse will call later this afternoon with the exact time. Just in case, this morning, I started to drink some of the water and drinking that much water that quickly just made me feel ill. The instructions said to drink 24-32 oz. in the early morning (but I could go to the bathroom - which I did like 4 times), then an hour before transfer to drink that same amount of water in 30 minutes! Gah! That's way too much water to fill up my bladder. Anywho, that's what's going on with that.

2) Next week is National Infertility Awareness Week.

3) PIO shots - I had been heating up the PIO and using a heating pad before the shot, but I hadn't thought of putting the heating pad on afterwards. That's a good idea - though that might mean I'd have to wake up even sooner (right now, the alarm goes off at 6 and we do the shot about 5-10 minutes later). So far, I haven't had any problems though my back side does feel a little sore.

4) In case some of you are wondering, if you are using an RSS reader, some of my old posts are popping up as new and that's because I'm going back and labeling each post.

I was reminded of something...

...when reading a post from another fellow infertile blogger. I don't want to sound like I'm being rude or anything - I just want to set the record straight for those who don't know.

When transfer happens, it is not the same as implantation. The embryos will need to implant themselves. If only the doctors could get the embryos to implant at the time of transfer! Also, IVF doesn't work everytime, so one cannot assume that I will get pregnant my first time using this procedure. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, I have a lot of hope it will work for us, but I am not pregnant yet. I had to say more times than necessary today that having 7 embryos does not mean I am pregnant. Who knows what will happen in between now and whenever transfer may happen - either tomorrow or Saturday. Who knows what will happen in between transfer and the beta test.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that.

Dixie Chicks

If you like the Dixie Chicks, they will be on VH1 Storytellers airing for the first time this Saturday at 9 ET. It doesn't appear that they will be talking about their song "So Hard", which would be kinda disappointing.

Tentative Transfer Day and Time

I heard from the nurse a short time ago. Right now, we have a tentative transfer day of Thursday at 11 a.m. She will call at 8:30 a.m. on Thursday to let us know if we are going forward with transfer that day or if we will be waiting until Day 5 (Saturday). The anticipation!

I finished with my relaxing music playlist on my iPod, so I'm all set!

One thing about transfer I am not looking forward to is having to have a full bladder during the procedure. I remember the last time I had to have a full bladder for a procedure, and well, it wasn't pleasant at all. But, I keep remembering, that this will all be worth it!

Oh, and I also forgot to mention we started the PIO shots this morning, and it wasn't that bad actually. I hardly felt it! I hope that continues!

7 out of 10

That's our first fertilization report. 7 out of the 10 eggs fertilized! What a weird feeling to know we have 7 embryos back at the lab at the clinic. The embryologist called to say the nurse will call later to set up a tentative time for transfer on Thursday, though if things look good, they will call on Thursday morning to change the transfer day to Saturday (I hope)!

Just wow! This is really happening, isn't it? We have embryos waiting for us that could become our children. It's such a weird feeling.

I know I shouldn't because if this doesn't work, it will hurt me to have seen them, but I am looking forward to seeing the picture of our embryos. Those pictures that I see on other blogs are so amazing and so beautiful. When I see those pictures, I am just in awe that IVF is a possibility for those of us who otherwise may not be able to conceive.

In other news, I'm feeling alright so far today. I haven't had to take Vicodin yet, but now that I said that, I probably will need it soon. I'll give more updates as I have them. Thank you everyone for your support!

OWWWWW!

Apparently, I didn't take my vicodin in time because I am in so much pain. I assume this is normal because why else would they give you vicodin? This goes beyond bad cramps around AF time. And I thought I was doing o.k. and maybe well enough to go to work tomorrow, but I think I may stick around home for another day (it will give me time to finish that book anyway before I have to take it back to the library on Wednesday).

Plus, I may want to be home when I get the fertilization report anyway.

And tomorrow, we go back to the shots. This time the shots are the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots that must be done in the morning (probably about 6:15 a.m.); they are IM shots which means my husband gets the joy of jabbing me instead of me doing it myself.

Retrieval

At the wee hours of the morning, we headed out to the fertility clinic for the retrieval. We arrived at the clinic, and we couldn't get in the building. We tried two different doors and the phone, but to no avail until we came across someone else trying to get in who happened to be the anesthesiologist. The nurse that eventually let us in was apparently out of hearing distance of the phone when we tried earlier.

So we get up to the clinic and get prepared. I had my cute soft little slipper socks ready to keep my feet warm. They also had blanket warmers, so I had a nice warm blanket too. Getting the IV in wasn't nearly as bad as it has been in the past for me. The part that hurt the most was when the nurse was flicking my veins before putting the IV in.

They walk me over to the OR and I wave goodbye to my husband. The anesthesiologist put the anesthesia in the IV, put an oxygen mask on, and put a heart-rate thingy on my finger. The next thing I know we are in the same curtained off area we started in. I'm always curious how they move people. The bed in the OR had a little hole near the bum area, so it wasn't the same bed.

Anyway, apparently when my husband came in, I said stuff to him, though I don't remember it at all. He told me I asked the same questions at least a couple times - though I don't know if I remember either time. And speaking of other things I don't remember, the doctor came in and told us that he was able to retrieve 10 eggs!!! Why do they tell you important information like that when you are still under the influence of drugs? The only reason I know this is because my husband was there. Although I did answer the doctor and say "that's good". Nope, don't remember that either. What's funny is that I just watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy where Meredith is under the influence of pain killers and doesn't remember any of her conversations either. It's so weird to think you can have these conversations with people, who think you're fully conscious, but you're not.

So the embryologist (who we met for the first time this morning) is going to call tomorrow with a report on how many of the eggs fertilized. I thought that we would be setting up a tentative transfer time for Thursday (if we were to do a Day 3 transfer)like the nurse said at our Sat. appointment or for Saturday (if we were to do a Day 5 transfer), but no one mentioned anything so I'll just call and talk to the nurse tomorrow.

As for how I feel. I'm o.k., but that might be the vicodin making me feel that way. I'm cramping and spotting just a little. I'm extremely tired, and I have to go to the bathroom a lot, it seems like. I'm looking forward to hearing the report tomorrow. I hope and pray we make it to a Day 5 transfer.

The Day of No Shots

No shots - no needles whatsoever today. It has been nice.

I got these cute little slipper socks today from Target for tomorrow's retrieval. They are nice and soft.

Well, I don't have anything else right now. I'll post again as soon as I can!

No More Stims! Retrieval on Monday!

This morning at 9 a.m., my husband and I went for our Stim Day 8 appointment. The follicles have all grown - the biggest one being at 20 while others are between 15-18. There are also some smaller ones. I can't remember how many there were in total. I was too anxious!

And when they took my blood this morning - they poked me 3 times before finding a vein that worked. When they tried once in the hand, I really felt like I was going to pass out - it hurt SOOOO bad and she kept moving it around. Thankfully, they were able to get enough blood from each of these 3 pokes. I have no idea what my E2 levels were today either since I had the clinic call my husband with the news and I forgot to tell him to ask them.

After the appointment, I raced over to Greenlake for my acupuncture appointment. We left the clinic at 10 - when my acupuncture appointment was. I let my acupuncturist know the prior day that I might be a little late, which she was fine with. I showed up there at 10:20.

After that appointment, we came home and I ate some lunch, then met some friends at the theatre to see The Prestige. The movie was alright, but I was a little distracted because someone had called me and I was afraid it was the clinic even though I told them to call my husband instead since I knew I'd be at the movie - it was my husband to let me know the news.

And the news...no more stims. Tonight at 7:45 exactly, we must do the HCG shot and retrieval will be on Monday morning at 6:45 a.m. (we need to check in at 6:20). I am actually a little nervous - how many eggs will they get? Will they fertilize? Will we make it to Day 5 for transfer? I really hope so.

Tonight (in an hour) we are going to a luau wedding reception of my husband's friend from high school who got married in Hawaii last month. I guess we won't be staying too long because we need to do the HCG shot tonight.

Well, that's my update! I hope and pray everything goes well for us.

Stim Day 7 appointment.

The appointment this morning went well. The one that was out ahead of the others is still out ahead of the others, but the others are coming along well. The RE said that there are about 8 follicles now above 10 where they want them to be. Some were in the 14-16 range. Others around 11-12. Then there are still a few under 10 too around 7-8.
They told me to continue with the same dosage of stim drugs and Lupron, but they didn't tell me what my E2 levels were (they left a voice mail, and I didn't have time to call them back).

The RE thinks that the retrieval will probably happen on Monday or Tuesday possibly rather than Wednesday. I go back for another appointment tomorrow morning at 9 so I'll probably find out for sure then.

I am so extremely uncomfortable right now - I am really feeling something going on with all these drugs I'm injecting into my body. And I had to sit in a CLE all day long (I just got home actually), and it was very uncomfortable!

Anyway, that's all for now. I'll be sure to update tomorrow if I find out when the retrieval will happen!

Oh and Nilla, I would love to see your playlist if you wouldn't mind posting or e-mailing it to me! Thanks!

Thanks!

Thank you so much for the mellow music ideas. I really appreciate all of them! I checked out all of them, and I had to pick and choose which ones to get (as I really shouldn't spend too much money these days). Of course, keep 'em coming!

Some of these artists I hadn't heard of - like Holly Brook - and I think I might really like her - thanks Sunny! And I forgot about the Anji CDs - thanks Nickie! I think someone in my support group mentioned those before.

For Kristen or anyone who might know - I looked on iTunes for Unchained Melody by Sarah M., but it wasn't there. Any idea where I might find it because I would love to have her version of that song.

One song I can't get enough of lately is How to Save a Life by The Fray (on one of the Grey's Anatomy CDs that Sunny mentioned).

Thanks again - now I just need to put it all together! I could really use the relaxing music now as, once again, I'm anxious about my doctor appointment. The next one is at 7:15 tomorrow morning - so early, but I need to get to my CLE. Hopefully, I'll get good news tomorrow so I can actually concentrate at this CLE!

My power is acting like it wants to go off, so I better go now. I'll post an update on my appointment tomorrow as soon as I can!

Mellow?

So one of the ladies in my support group suggested that I bring in my iPod for transfer and listen to some mellow and relaxing music. I have a few ideas, but is there anyone out there (including my non-infertile friends) with any ideas?

Also, speaking of music, another one of the ladies in my group made everyone a CD of some music she enjoys - some sad (like So Hard by the Dixie Chicks) and some fun (like This One's for the Girls by Martina McBride). For those that know me, usually, I am not a fan of country music, but sometimes I make an exception - especially with these songs as it was really sweet of her to make this CD. I am enjoying all of the songs on the CD.

Day 5 of Stims - Ultrasound and Bloodwork

It's been a crazy day here today (and raining again). I just wanted to give an update to everyone on my ultrasound and blood work this morning. I asked for my E2 levels this time and this is what they were:

Monday - 304
Wednesday - 733

The women in my support group told me that I want the number to double and it more than did so, so yay!

As far as the ultrasound, there was one follicle out there ahead of
the others at 14, while 5 others were between 10 and 11.5.
There were about 4 or 5 others under 10. I'm not sure it's not a big deal - at least, I hope it isn't - but I'm nervous about the one that jumped out in front of the others. I hope that the others catch up and that I have several follicles for retrieval (whenever that may happen) and possibly a FET if this cycle doesn't work.

I am so completely emotional today, and I've been invited over to a friend's house for dinner - I wonder if they really know what they're getting into with me coming over.

So getting back on track... the RE wants me to come back on Friday because of the follicle that's at 14 (the appointment is at 7:15, which means I'll have to rush over to Seattle U. for my CLE that starts at 8). I'm not sure if I'll be going in on Saturday too, but I guess I still would? The RE told me that the E2 numbers make more of a difference at this point than the follicle size - and he said this after he looked at my follicle size. I'm not sure what to take from that.

Anyway, there's my update!

Near Ross Dam

Near Ross Dam
Originally uploaded by heathercim.

Just testing to see if I can post a picture from flickr to beta blogger.

Anxious

The closer I get to the appointment tomorrow, the more anxious I am. I am so anxious to hear what, if anything, the stim drugs have done so far. I hope that I hear some great news tomorrow. Those in my group said tonight that they would be surprised if I didn't have great results based on my last IUI that I had with the Repronex. I hope they're right. I'll know bright and early tomorrow morning!

Speaking of Repronex, the RE's handout for the injectables talks about the Repronex stinging (which it did), but not the Menopur - that stings too!

Random Stuff

Well, last night’s commute was actually quite nice. The rain had stopped and there wasn’t much traffic. I got home in 35 minutes – that has to be a record for me in the afternoon!

And yep, our nice summer and even nice fall so far is gone. Boo!

There’s nothing going on today. Just felt like blogging. Oh, last night I had to do 4 shots since I ran out of medicine in one Gonal-F pen and had to start on another. What fun, huh?

Continue On and Rain Sucks

The nurse just called and said my hormone levels look good, so I should continue with the same dose of the stim meds I’ve been on. Next appointment for blood work and an ultrasound is on Wednesday.

Now that the work issue is resolved, I feel completely drained. I am so exhausted. And it’s raining heavily right now – I hope that by the time I need to drive home, it will have slowed down a bit or better yet, a lot. I hate driving in the rain (which is funny considering the reputation Seattle has). Ugh, I’m never going to get home. My home is around 25 miles away from my work, which, on days like this, really sucks.

Relief & Soreness

Oh, what a relief! The issue at work that’s been stressing me out lately has been resolved and just in time too – and I really mean just in time. I swear it seemed like some higher being was making it so I couldn’t get this issue resolved – with the earthquake in Hawaii yesterday (I work for a retailer who is opening a new store in Hawaii tomorrow), then the store’s phone lines were down so they couldn’t fax information out to a federal agency in VA. Gah! But things worked out and all is good as they were able to fax information to the agency just as our contact was leaving for the day. The six-hour time difference between HI and VA was kind of a stress inducer for a bit.

Also happening today was a visit to the RE’s office for some blood work. All I have to say right now about that now is “OUCH!” My teeny tiny veins were not wanting to get any bigger, so they went ahead and took blood FROM MY HAND! My hand still hurts almost 6 hours later.

I sit here and wait for the nurse to call me to let me know if the dosage for the stims will be the same as they’ve been the last couple nights. Speaking of the stims, my tummy is seriously sore from all the shots I’ve been doing there. I probably should go to some other place on my body to do the shots, but I feel the most comfortable giving the shots there.

Anyway, that’s all for now!

It's Done!

We just did all 3 shots! Once again, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'm glad, though, that I have my husband to help me with this - to draw up the medication and to make sure everything is just right for the shots. I'd be too anxious on my own. He even thought to bring in his CD player so I can listen to some soothing music while setting up the shots, then doing the shots. He asked me what music I wanted and I said Sarah McLachlan would be good, so he brought me the Afterglow CD and also some other music he thought would be soothing like 10,000 Maniacs Our Time in Eden CD and also some Metallica CD (the last one obviously to make me laugh as nothing Metallica has done would I consider to be soothing).

A question I have though is that they gave me 10 vials of the Menopur, but possible retrieval was supposed to be on the 25th, which would mean at least 11 days of taking the medication. Should I be asking for some more? It seems silly to order more for just 1 more vial.

And a comment on the Gonal F pen - though it is very cool that we don't have to reset the pen for each use, it is kinda weird to use - you have a needle in you and you are pushing down on the plunger as it clicks. It is just the clicking I find kinda weird.

Another question I have is - do you sit down or stand up while giving yourself the shots? I was sitting down, but I decided to stand up tonight or just lean against the bed. I'm not sure which I prefer.

Shots, Thanks, and Misc.

Just like on Wednesday night, the shot on Thursday night hurt like hell and I didn't get it all in. I was doing so well with the shots until then. However, last night's shot went well, so maybe I'm back to doing it the right way.

Tonight I start on the stims - so 3 shots tonight - yikes! I'm really not looking forward to it.

Thank you to everyone for your comments on my last post. They really do make me feel better. I had never been told my antral follicle count until my "binder visit" with the nurse, so I had no idea what that meant. Thanks for making me feel at ease!

Yesterday, I went to another CLE all about legal writing at Seattle U Law (where I went to law school). The CLE wasn't terribly exciting. Next week, I'm going to another one at the school all about corporations and the 1st Amendment. That one should be fun as I am really interested in constitutional law.

Update & Emotional Rollercoaster

Suppression check - Everything looks good. There are 5 antral follicles on each side, no cysts, and the uterine lining looked good. Please tell me this is good - the page that I linked to above is freaking me out.

I'll start stims on Saturday and will go back for blood work early Monday morning.

I wrote this part last night when I was a bit emotional and well, profanities are aplenty...

Today, I went to a CLE all about internet legal research - 1st half boring, 2nd half surprisingly interesting.

I got home - thought things were going o.k., then I get a phone call from my boss at 8 p.m. regarding the issue that's been stressing me out lately. She called and asked a quick question and so I didn't have a chance to ask her what was going on as she just said bye to me, plus my mom was on the other line. I so desperately wanted to call her back to find out what's going on that she had to call me at 8 and couldn't wait until the next day to talk to me about it. So I started stressing about that and couldn't enjoy what I was doing (watching tv).

I went to go get my husband around 9:40. We came back home and I was very hesitant with the shot - too hesitant really - not all of the liquid got into me which caused me to freak out and wonder if I did the shot wrong and whether that one little mess up will cause the whole process to be fucked up. It really hurt tonight and now I got a bump on my tummy like a bug bite. I'm scared to death that I'm messing this up. Which caused an emotional breakdown. If this doesn't work, I will be second guessing myself and my shooting myself capabilities.

I just want to go scream somewhere "FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is so fucking unfair. Why the fuck does some crack addicted woman have 13 children* and I can't have one! Just one!" I fucking hate all of this that I have to shoot myself with drugs and if I do get pregnant that I will be anxious the entire pregnancy of making it through the pregnancy to have a healthy baby at the end.

I am so irritated and emotional right now that I'm not sure if it's best for me to be around anyone. Our girls night out was canceled last week, so we've planned to go again tomorrow night and well, I'm not sure if I should. I can't drink - at least, I don't think I should - and I'm an emotional wreck - who the hell would want to be around me? Maybe I'll be better by the time the meeting time comes. I don't know.

* Saw a guy on The Colbert Report who was talking about his book in which a guy who is one of 13 children born to a crack addicted woman who gets adopted through the foster system by this couple (something like that anyway) and he becomes a really good football player.

Grrr...with two good things

I don’t know what it is, but I am just extremely irritated by most people the last couple days. It doesn’t seem to matter what they do or don’t do – I’m just irritated. It also doesn’t help that I keep having twinges of pain - I could feel it coming last night – possibly PMS cramps or possibly some side effect of one of the medications I’m on. All I know is that it kinda hurts. I was going to write about all of the things that are irritating me, but well, let’s just say most everything is irritating me these days. Oh, and today, my body decided to start on the hot flashes – lovely side effect.

I took my last BCP on Saturday and today is the last day for the Doxycycline for a while. I have my suppression check tomorrow @ 2 – hopefully, everything is properly suppressed so we can start the stim. drugs on Saturday.

I got the sweetest e-mail from a friend last night asking how I was doing with the shots and she said she was thinking of us. It was really a nice surprise and it came at the best time when I was feeling a bit irritated.

Awww, I just got some cute pictures from my sister – there’s one pic that shows all four of her kids and it just cracks me up because the youngest poses for the camera all the time and this picture is no exception. You can see it here if you want to. That just makes the day a little better.

Thoughts about the shots

Each night after I give myself the Lupron shot, I'm proud that I could do it and think "yay, I did it". Then I somehow forget that I still have to give myself a shot the next night, and the night after that, and so on and so on. I feel like I just accomplished defeating the big bad scary thing. Can't I just get some big reward of no shots for awhile?

I'm so looking forward to next Saturday when I will have 3 shots to give myself. It shall be a blast...(a lot of sarcasm went into those last two statements).

(Oh, by the way, my skin itches each and every time after I give myself a shot - so itchy!)

More Good News!

I keep forgetting to mention that another real-life friend received a positive beta after her 3rd IVF. So happy for her!

Blogger Beta

I just switched over to the beta version of blogger. I've heard some people have had problems on other sites with commenting. Hopefully, that problem has been resolved.

A Little Better

So the work issue is a little bit better. It still isn’t completely resolved, but things are looking better than they were yesterday, so I feel a little more relaxed.

Well, the 2nd shot last night wasn’t so bad, and it actually tickled when I took the needle out. My husband said that he wasn’t expecting to hear me giggle from it tickling me. These actually aren't too bad (though, of course, I would rather not do them in the first place).

Tonight, I’m going out with a group of girlfriends to this bar that we used to go to more in the U-District called the Galway Arms. I don’t plan to drink tonight. I’m sure it will be fine if I did, but I’d rather not just to be on the safe side. It should be a nice time. I’m entirely exhausted from this week though (because of work and after work stuff all week long), so I’m not sure how long I’ll last.

Oh, and last night, the show that I’ve been waiting several months to see – Lost – aired the premiere episode last night. I was recording the show on my DVR and watching something else when the show started – I was going to watch the entire episode with my husband when he came home and after we took care of the shot business. We did end up watching it most of it, but we didn’t get to see the first few minutes because my stupid DVR decided to act up again and just turn off. For some reason, every so often, the DVR will just turn off and I will have a blue screen on my tv. I have no idea why it does this, and it is super annoying. It almost makes me want to go get a TIVO instead. I was so annoyed. This show and another show, Veronica Mars, are the only two shows I’ve been really looking forward to (though there are plenty of shows I watch), and of course, the DVR acts up when this show comes on. Grr! Luckily, ABC has been putting some of their shows online for free, so I watched the part that I missed this morning when I got to work. :-D

Oh, and acupuncture last night was good. It was nice to go back. She's booked for a while though, so the next time will be on the 21st - a few days before retrieval.

#1 Shot

Well, I gave myself my first shot of Lupron last night. It wasn’t as bad as I had built it up to be, but it still kinda hurt – or at least, I could feel the prick for a little while after the shot. At least now, I know I can do it. However, my husband still wants me to wait until he’s at home before I do the shot because he wants to be involved somehow, so he’s pulling up the medication in the needle for me. J So right now, I’m taking 3 pills (one twice a day), the Lupron shot, and my vitamins and folic acid supplement. It’s a lot. One of the pills, the BCP, will end on Saturday.


The work issue is still unresolved and it is really, really stressing me out. I need to get it resolved this week as the next few weeks are going to be really busy and I’ll be out of the office, coming in late, or leaving early several days out of the week. (Just to clear up a misunderstanding – I don’t work for the government – I work in the legal department of a public company. In my job, I have to deal with government agencies all the time. It would be easier to say where I worked, but I probably shouldn’t).

So here’s my busy schedule for this month:

Let’s see – next week - Tuesday, I have my suppression check @ 2; Wednesday, I have a CLE (Continuing Legal Education) all day; and Friday, I have a ½ day CLE. Luckily, my employer is paying for these CLEs (unlike the one I was irritated about a couple months ago or so). Then that Saturday is when I start my stims.

Then the week after – almost every other day starting on Monday, I will going to the doctor’s office for bloodwork and/or ultrasounds and Friday, I have an all day CLE (this one, I’m paying for – all about corporations and the 1st Amendment – I am really looking forward to this one).

Oh, and the week after that is the possible egg retrieval (I’m taking 2 days off work per nurse recommendation), then 3-5 days after that is the embryo transfer (I’m taking 3 days off work per nurse recommendation).

So it’s a busy month for me and one, I’ll be out of the office quite a bit!

Just one more day 'til the shots begin...

Well, tomorrow I start giving myself shots. What fun!

Surprisingly, I am not that anxious about that - perhaps because all day I was anxious about either work stuff or whether my toilet was actually going to function properly when I got home. Oh, and I caused the power to go out in my house this morning (apparently, using too much at once) and the tv didn't want to work properly this morning. Thankfully, I was able to fix the tv and the toilet problem when I got home. That pesky work problem still exists, however, and I have exactly 2 weeks to fix it while relying on state and federal agencies to help me out. I was so close to telling the state person that I do not need this stress in my life right now because I'm about to go through an IVF cycle, so please help me solve this problem so I can be as relaxed as possible. But I didn't tell her that. I'm sure this particular state agency is going to hate me and my employer by the time this issue is resolved.

Another Infertility Book Read

I finished reading "A Little Pregnant" by Ed Decker and Linda Carbone. It was an unbelievably sad story - this couple went through so much on their quest to have a baby. There's only one thing that kinda irritated me about this book - if you don't plan to read this book or don't care for "spoilers", then read why below.



















Yep, after deciding to adopt (and having that fall through), the couple ends up pregnant on their own without any medical help. This will only make those who say "just adopt, then you'll get pregnant" think they are in the right. Well, I am here to tell you that there is a very small chance that I could ever get pregnant on my own. Sure, it happened with this couple, but every couple is different. They didn't have fallopian tube blockages, like I do. They were able to get pregnant on their own before, while I haven't.

It was an o.k. book except for what some may get from the ending.