Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

NT Scan

Well, I made the appointment for the other ultrasound (the NT scan that Nickie mentioned in a comment to my last post). It will be on January 4 at 7:30 a.m.! So just in a little over a week, we'll get to see our wigglers again.

However, the nurse practioner we saw yesterday said that they won't do the blood work as with twins, my hormones will be all out of whack, and they won't be able to tell with that test.

So next year for Christmas, my mother-in-law wants us to travel to Arkansas or Indiana so we can celebrate with my sister-in-law and her husband's family. Normally, I would be o.k. with that since I got to stay at home this year (our families came to us this year except for my sister and two of Jon's siblings), but next year, we will have two infants to take care of. We won't have the money because we have two infants to take care of and I'm not looking forward to a flight to either place with two infants. I'd much rather stay at home again next year with our babies. I know a lot of people fly with their babies, but I just don't think I will want to. I don't think I'm being selfish when I say this, am I?

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

1st Official OB appointment

Well, this morning we went in for our first official OB appointment. Everything looks good with the babies!!! In fact, we got to see them wiggling around as if they were saying "what is all this ruckus? I'm trying to sleep here!" They also took some blood (which, once again, was a big pain) and some urine. I'm not sure when I'll hear the results of those tests. They aren't sure what caused the bleeding, but with the test I mention below, they might be able to tell. Maybe.

The nurse practitioner that we saw today asked us if we wanted to do this one ultrasound test (can't remember what she called it) that will provide a clearer picture of the babies and it is one check to see if the babies show signs of having Down's. We need to schedule that sometime before January 13. Of course, this test is optional, but I want to do it because it is one more chance to see the babies!

Well, that is all for today. Thank you to everyone who commented and/or added us to your prayer list. It was much appreciated!


Saturday, December 23, 2006

Another Update

While I wait for my husband to come back home so I can go to bed (he went out to do some shopping with my mom and brothers and he left me in charge of watching over this turkey stock he's making), I thought I would update everyone.

Since this morning and the couple times I saw red blood, I haven't seen any red blood. I have had some brownish spotting, but that's it. I hope that even the brownish spotting stops (and it has off an on). I just really don't want to see any blood even if the babies are doing o.k.

I can't wait until Tuesday - I wouldn't mind if we just skipped over tomorrow and Christmas so we could get to Tuesday. Though I do like visiting with my family - I guess as long as I don't see any more blood, we don't need to skip to Tuesday.

It sounds like they're home, so I'm off to bed now. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!


So Much For Sleeping In...

Today was supposed to be the first day in a long time that we got to sleep in (though since my husband took yesterday off, he got to sleep in then). We didn't have any shots to wake up to do - we didn't have any work to head off to, so we were excited about sleeping in.

Well, that all changed when I woke up a little after 6 and noticed pinkish blood on the tissue and bright red blood in the toilet. I freaked out as the doctor told us on Thursday to call if the the brownish blood turned to red or pink. I laid in bed for about an hour, when I needed to go the bathroom again. This time, the bright red blood looked almost like a blood clot or tissue or something. I freaked out even more. All the while, I've been having some cramping.

I laid in bed some more when we decided to call the OB's office's answering service. At this time, I had done quite a bit of crying for I feared that I was really losing my babies this time. I was really sobbing.

We called the answering service and had the doctor on call paged. She called back about 15 minutes later, and we told her what was going on. She just told me that as long as the blood isn't filling up a pad every hour, then I should take it easy today and for another week. She said to lay down and put my feet up and refrain from exercise or intercourse. This is quite the time for me to take it easy - there is so much to be done still to prepare for company coming over, but I guess my husband will, unfortunately, have to take over most of the duties (which I feel bad for).

I really wanted to be able to relax this Christmas. I wasn't going anywhere - my family (hopefully, if they can get over the pass) and Jon's family were coming to us. After Thursday's ultrasound, I was starting to feel really good about this pregnancy. Really starting to believe that this would finally be it for us - we will be parents. Then the bleeding this morning changed all that. I need to make it to Tuesday when we are scheduled for our first official OB visit. I just need to make it to Tuesday - one day at a time, I guess. Why can't things ever be easy? Why do things have to be so unfair?

For those of you who have gone through infertility then got pregnant, I'm sure you know all the feelings I've been having. I just can't imagine that God would be this cruel - to finally give us the gift of a pregnancy only to take our babies away from us. I just have to hope and pray that everything will be o.k. for our little babies. I have to hope and pray that they are strong little babies.

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Thursday, December 21, 2006


I called the OB's office as soon as they opened at 8 a.m., and they were able to fit me in at 9:45 this morning. I didn't actually see the doctor until about 10:20 though. My husband met me there.

She asked some information as this is the first time I've seen anyone in this OB office, then she went to do the ultrasound.

Everything is fine with the babies. Their heartbeats are good. Their size is good. This is a big sigh of relief. We can enjoy the holiday a lot better knowing that everything is fine with our babies. One is on top of the other - it is so cute - I wish I could share it with you right away!

Well, I should probably try to get some work done today! I have a lot to do too and this is usually our slow time!

Freaking out...again

Have any of you had any type of spotting during your pregnancy? I had some spotting about a month ago - a couple days before my first ultrasound, and then again early this morning. I'm freaking out about it. Last time, it only was that one time, but each time I've gone to the bathroom since about 2 this morning, there has been this brownish spotting. Last time, everything turned out o.k., so it's got to this time, right? I really don't want to lose my babies.

It feels like I'm in limbo, so I'm not sure who to call for an answer - I've been released from the RE's office, but I haven't had my first OB appointment (which is on the 26th). I think I'm going to call the OB's office to see if maybe they can at least do an ultrasound to make sure everything is o.k.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Great News

I heard some incredibly wonderful news this morning from a friend from my support group. She and her husband are pursuing adoption. They were selected along with a few other couples for a woman in KS to decide on who will be the parents to her unborn child. Well, my friend was chosen to the parents to this child, and I am so incredibly happy for her and her husband. Her e-mail this morning actually brought me to tears hearing her great news. And the baby is due in February! She will be a mom very, very soon! So excited for her.


Monday, December 18, 2006


Good news for today - the last PIO shot was this morning! Oh, wonderful day! I am so incredibly happy to be done with all shots. Hopefully, it will be a long time before I need to give myself or have my husband give me a shot. Too bad I can't also avoid all needles.

Icky news for today - I really threw up tonight. I wasn't feeling all that wonderful all day today, but had been doing pretty well at not feeling too nauseous. Then I came home and ate dinner, and well, it didn't stay down. :-( I went back and ate something else and so far, it is staying down, but I still feel icky.

I'm looking forward to next Tuesday when I can see them again...maybe then it will sink in a little more.

I'm sorry to those of you who came to this blog and then read about my feelings about being scared about the next appointment bringing bad news and wishing things were different. I just thought I would share what I was feeling at the moment. I know there are many women out there who would like to be in my position right now, and I know that there are women out there who don't understand what I'm feeling.


Friday, December 15, 2006

Non-Pregnancy, Infertility Related Post

Last night, I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner, but she canceled again, so I got to get stuck in that beautiful football & weather traffic on the way home. It took me 2 1/2 hours to get to UW from Issaquah to pick up my husband, and another 1/2 hour to get home from there. When we finally got home, we found we had no power. A big wind storm came through last night and left, I heard, around 1.5 million households without power.

We still didn't have power this morning when we had to do the shot and get ready for work. That was fun. I met my vanpool (a little late b/c they had closed off my normal route for a tree down in the middle of the road (I would learn later when it was light out), and we were on our way to work where it looked like only a few had power. Our offices had some power b/c of back up generators, but they decided to send everyone home anyway b/c not all of the offices had power. Being sent home kinda annoyed me b/c it was warm at work and I had electricity to check my e-mail and such.

I get home, eat some breakfast, decide to go do some shopping b/c it is cold in my house - poor kitties. I come home again, then leave again, and am now at my husband's work b/c we still have no power which will suck tonight since it is supposed to get into the higher 20s and lower 30s tonight. Yikes!

I was going to go to a party tonight, but I just don't feel like it. Trying to get around on the streets around here where some lights are out just takes forever and I just don't want to deal with it anymore - of course, I don't want to go home where it's cold either.

Well, that's all for now. We should probably get something to eat and head home and be cold. I have more to say, but it will have to wait until I have power - hopefully, that will happen soon.

UPDATE: Yay - we have power! Nice, warm house. Such a nice thing. Now, I need to go to bed. I'm so tired!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Another post

I got a question from my last post from an anonymous person (which drives me crazy by the way - leave your name!!!) asking...

"What made you think that being fertile makes someone oblivious to complications during pregnancy?"

Apparently, that didn't come out the way I intended. It's just as a person who struggles with infertility, we tend to think about and stress about things more than if a person who got pregnant with no problems. I've seen this in my own life with those I know who got pregnant with no problems - and they can't seem to understand why I would be worried ALL THE TIME that something could go wrong. If you have had to experience problems getting pregnant or staying pregnant, you probably aren't as likely to be worried about losing the baby. I keep telling myself that after the next ultrasound, I'll really believe that I'm pregnant, but that next ultrasound keeps becoming the one after that. Most fertiles I know they see a positive pee stick and start celebrating - start picking out baby stuff. I can't do that yet. I'm even hesitant to buy maternity clothes because what if they tell me it is all over the next time I go in?

Now I know that not all fertiles are alike, just like like not any one person is alike, but from my experience, those I know who got pregnant with no problems don't really think about losing their baby each and every day - each and every hour. Sure, they think about things that could go wrong, but not nearly to the extent that the infertile women I know. People were actually telling me that they think I'm silly for wanting to sit out the department bowling party for fear of something happening to my babies - these are the people who got pregnant without any issues whatsoever.

I just wish I could feel more comfortable about this pregnancy - I wish I could believe that it is real. Gah, this is making me cry and since I'm at work - not exactly the best place to do that at, so I think I should stop this here.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Just felt like blogging...

I am starting to feel very anxious about my next doctor appointment (the first OB appointment) and it isn't for another 13 days! I have no reason to doubt that anything has gone wrong, but I can't help but be scared that something has or will. It would be so nice to be one of those fertile myrtles that can get pregnant with no problem and are oblivious to the things that could go wrong.

I've been feeling less nauseous lately, which is good, but also makes me nervous because I thought that didn't go away until the 2nd trimester - I'm only at a little over 9 weeks. Infertility just stays with you - it never goes away. That mindset will always be with me.

I'm still really tired. I slept basically from 7 p.m. last night until I got up at 6 and I'm still really tired.


In other news, my sister's biopsy results came back normal, but they still want her to come back in 6 months for another mammogram. My dad, however, isn't doing so well. It looks like he has something wrong with the lumbar region of his back and is having a surgical consult on Friday to see if they would suggest surgery to correct the problem. Then my mom tells me that the doctors said one of her kidneys isn't functioning properly, so she had some tests on Tuesday that came back normal, but they still want her to come in for an ultrasound on Friday and do a 24 hour urine collection. Is my whole family falling apart?

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Monday, December 11, 2006


Hi everyone! I finally got around to scanning those ultrasound pictures - you can look them over here.

Also, my weekend was busy, but good. I didn't have that much nausea over the weekend. I had some yesterday, but today, has been nausea filled unfortunately.

I had a good time on the Toys for Tots thing that my friend does every year (though that toy store is way too crazy on a weekend). The homemade pizza afterwards, as always, was really good.

Also, I had a good time on Sunday with Nickie shopping and grabbing a bit to eat! We got some cute things at this maternity store we went to. It is really nice to meet fellow bloggers in person! I can't wait to get together with Alli!Hopefully, after the holidays!

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Friday, December 08, 2006

OB & Weekend

I made our first OB appointment for 12/26 at 8:30. So much for taking the day off to sleep in, but that's o.k. I probably won't be able to sleep anyway because I'll be anxious for the appointment.

I am still in shock that I am actually pregnant. Most of the time, it doesn't feel real, then I think about the ultrasound pictures and realize that yes, there are 2 heartbeats - there are 2 babies growing inside of me. Such a strange and wonderful feeling to finally be in this position.

This weekend is going to be a busy one. Tomorrow, I'm going to a Toys for Tots thing that a friend of mine does every year. It is such a fun time. A bunch of us get together and pool together some money and buy a bunch of toys at Toys 'R Us and then the Marines come and pick up the toys. Afterwards, my friend makes pizza for everyone. I try to go every year.

Then on Sunday, I'm meeting a fellow blogger - Nickie - to do some shopping and to eat some lunch. I'm looking forward to it. I wish Alli could have joined us! Hopefully, next time!

And hopefully, I'll be able to get to my friend's house to scan the pictures this weekend. I'd really like to show them off. :-)

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Thursday, December 07, 2006


I forgot to mention something in my last post. One of the ladies in my support group that is currently pregnant with twins mentioned this book - it is a book all about having multiples. I went out to Barnes & Noble today and bought it. I'm looking forward to reading it. Has anyone else read this book?

I also have Marley & Me to read that I borrowed from the library. My boss told me it is a sad book. Hopefully, I'll be able to get around to reading this book unlike the last two books I borrowed from the library.


Thursday's Thoughts

I'm sitting here at work wondering how my sister is doing. I hope things are going well.

I was going to meet with a friend from college tonight, but we have rescheduled for next week. This is fine as I'm really tired, per usual. I look forward to that 2nd trimester bolt of energy I keep hearing about.

Does anyone know where I could find these? Has anyone used these and do they work?

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Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Pics & OB

I wasn't able to get over to my friend's house tonight to scan the pictures. One friend has a cold, and I am very, very tired. I want to go to bed right now, but I have to wait up to see if my husband needs a ride home from class (we only have one car). Hopefully, I'll be able to get the pictures scanned this weekend sometime.

And Alice, if you could e-mail your sister's recommendation, that would be great. I will look into it. I think I've decided which doctor to go with, but the final decision hasn't been made yet.


Today's Ultrasound

Today's ultrasound went well and I am officially released into the care of whichever OB we choose. The doctor gave us recommendations on where we could go. The doctor said I could come in for another ultrasound in a couple weeks, but, for now, I am happy to wait until I see the OB. That may change the longer I have to wait.

One baby measured at 8w3d and had a heartrate of 172 bpm. The other baby measured 8w2d and had a heartrate of 182 bpm.

I'm going to go to a friend's house tonight (that's the plan anyway) to scan the pics so I will hopefully be able to post them soon.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Another group!

More good news. The 4 of us in my support group that are currently pregnant (3 of us with twins) are going to be meeting tonight. Just in time as I have been booted out of the other group. I'm so happy about this.

On to pregnancy symptoms - this morning, once again, I was brushing my teeth when I started to gag. There was no vomiting, but a bunch of dry heaves. At one point this morning, I would have rather vomited than have all those dry heaves. I'm doing alright now - though I do feel a bit nauseous throughout the day usually.

I had a bad dream last night that when I went into the doctor for my ultrasound, they couldn't find anything. I so wish it was Wednesday and I would know by this time tomorrow.

Oh, and this morning, a couple of my coworkers told me that they thought I looked like I was already showing. I'm just 8 weeks along. Sure there are twins in there, but really? I told them it was just my chubby tummy and the somewhat tight fitting shirt I'm wearing today, but they are convinced that I'm showing already. They said they thought so last week when I was wearing my jeans.

Anyway, that's all for now.

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Monday, December 04, 2006

Such Great News

I just got some pics from one of the women in my support group who was the first* to get pregnant (she got pregnant with an IVF cycle). She had her baby girl this past Saturday. That is such wonderful news. She looks so unbelievably happy, and I am so happy for her.

*Technically, she is the second in our original group, but the first lady was hardly ever at our meetings and got pregnant from her first IUI before the official group with the therapist had even ended so since I didn't know her all too well, I don't usually count her. I hope that doesn't sound too mean.


Five Things

A while back, I was tagged to post 5 things that some of you might not know about me...I finally got around to thinking of 5 things...

1) I cannot stand the sound of someone popping their knuckles and sometimes whistling even bothers my ears.

2) I'm naturally a very shy person, which seems kinda funny since I have this blog and sharing all this personal stuff with the world.

3) When my sister and I were little - well, maybe around 10 and 12 or a little younger, I'm not sure - we lived in a town called Azle, Texas. One day, there was a bad storm and we saw two tornadoes forming across the road from us in a field. Luckily, they headed the other direction. If I remember right, one did touch down. It was such a scary experience. I'd much rather go through an earthquake (which I have several times now).

4)Speaking of natural disasters, I lived in Spokane at the time Mt. St. Helens blew back in 1980. It happened on May 18, 1980 and I told my mom it was her late birthday present - her birthday being the day before. We got quite a bit of ash in Spokane - the whole city was covered in it. I remember walking from our house (where my sister currently lives with her family) to the fire station to get our masks. We walked there with towels covering our mouth. My dad missed the whole thing as he was in training in Texas at the time.

A few years later, I was in my 3rd or 4th grade class in Roanoke, Texas when the subject of Mt. St. Helens came up. Being a naturally shy person, it took a lot for me to raise my hand but I felt the need to share the information that I had lived in Washington state at the time and that I could bring in a jar of ash to show everyone. The next day, I brought in the jar, and a lot of people thought that was pretty cool. I felt good that day to share something that no one else had experienced.

5)Umm, one more thing. I started playing the clarinet in the 6th grade. I stopped playing it at the end of my sophomore year of high school. I sometimes regret quitting - I especially regret the reason I quit - because it wasn't cool to be in band at my high school and as with any teenager, I wanted to be cool.



Well, this weekend was a busy one. My husband and I went to go visit my in-laws in Tacoma for the afternoon. I went shopping with my mother-in-law while Jon hung out with his sister. I bought three shirts at Target - each were under $8. Yay! Then we went out to dinner, then drove home just in time for me to go to bed.

Then Sunday, I thought I would try to get a little Christmas shopping done, and in the process try to find a bra that will actually fit me these days. It turns out everyone out there is the same size as me, so I was unsuccessful in my search. I ended up finding a couple other cute shirts - each were under $9! I also bought some Christmas presents. I have quite a bit left to do though.

Today, I've been feeling really, really, really tired and nauseous. I came so close to throwing up at my desk. I started munching on my crackers, and that made me feel a little better, but not much. And just now, I'm feeling desperately hungry. So weird how it just transitions like that.

Oh, and to answer Jys' question from a while ago, I will be at 8 weeks on Wednesday. I've been feeling some symptoms since before I knew I was pregnant, mainly the just exhaustion started before I knew. Then the nausea probably began maybe at 5 weeks or a little after that? It's gotten worse, but some days are better than others.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday's ultrasound!

On a different note, I don't know if anyone out there watches The Amazing Race, but I am so annoyed by the teams that are left - especially Rob & Kimberly. After all this, they still think they should get married? And Karlyn (sp?) - what a b***h! If I had to choose who I wanted to win out of those remaining, it would be the model guys or just Lyn (of the 'Bama women), not Karlyn.

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Friday, December 01, 2006

Bittersweet Goodbye

I had to say goodbye to my support group over e-mail rather than in person. I really would have loved to have said goodbye (or a see ya later) in person this coming Tuesday, but I just didn't feel right about going to the meeting this next Tuesday when others who left before me didn't get to go to the meetings at this point in their pregnancy. It especially didn't feel right when one of the ladies got some bad news this past week.

I am going to miss them so much. When I wrote the e-mail to them (while at work), I couldn't help but tear up - much like I'm doing now writing about it. These ladies have meant so much to me. If it wasn't for them, I don't know how long it would have taken me to go back to the RE and to continue to pursue fertility treatments. I don't know if I could have made it through the negatives of the two IUIs this year if it wasn't for them. I don't know if I could have made it through the IVF cycle if it wasn't for them. They gave me the support, along with all of you, when I needed it.

I can't believe how much this is hurting me to not have this group anymore.I had no idea it would hurt me to this degree. I feel like I'm losing so much of who I am today. And to think someone once told me I should ditch the group so that I would stop thinking about my infertility so much. This is definitely a bittersweet ending to my membership in this group.

I am so grateful for them. I hope and pray that the three ladies left in the group find their way to parenthood soon, so we can enjoy being parents together. Thank you to my ladies of Tuesday night.


Another Blog Post I Can't Think of a Title For

I really, really wish that this one woman wouldn't drive our van. She is such a horrible driver. She jerks the van around way too much, and well, this isn't a good thing ever, but especially not when you're nauseous.

I just walked over to a nearby restaurant to pick up my lunch and the lunch of two others to bring back to the office. I thought that the walk would do me good, but it actually caused quite a bit of pain that it actually hurt to move. The only time it felt better was when I was sitting down, and it didn't matter that this weird guy kept staring at me. Not sure what that was about, but I was thankful to be sitting down for a bit.

I wish I could go in for another ultrasound now just to make sure that "Unter" and "Uber" are doing well and growing like they should. Just 5 more days until this next ultrasound - thankfully, this one is at 10:30 in the morning so I won't have to be anxious all morning like I was with the ultrasound on Monday. They tell me that if everything looks good, I will be released to a general OB. I'm hoping everything looks good with both babies.

Another thing I'm looking forward is to the day I won't have to do any more PIO shots - the last day will be on December 18. That next day will be a very good day.

Oh, and I haven't mentioned yet that my sister will be going in for a biopsy on her breast on the 7th. I hope everything goes well there too.

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