Did that really happen?

The day after the news is here. The whole situation is so surreal. I still can’t believe I got a positive. My next beta is on Friday at 8:15. I won’t be leaving work early that day like I did yesterday, unfortunately.

Yesterday, before I left, several of my coworkers asked if I was going to call them when I found out. I told them I would as soon as I was ready. I called my family first, then told my friends – both in real-life and in blogland. Then I called my work buddies. They were all so excited for me! I actually called my voice mail at work, because the nurse had called and left a message at work, just to make sure that she really said 476. She did. OMG!

Anyway, I come in this morning and start walking down the hallway to my cube and see these streamers coming down from the ceiling to my cube. I wondered if that was my cube. It was! Tomorrow, I’m going to bring my camera so I can take a picture and show you guys. Most of me is so excited that they did this – how sweet! But part of me is a little anxious about it because I didn’t want all the employees of this company to know. I wasn’t even sure when I was going to tell my vanpool (though I did tell the girl in my van that just had the baby). I thought maybe I would wait until after the ultrasound, whenever that might be, but if they walk by my cube, they’ll know.

Several people have asked me how I feel. I really don’t feel much different physically from what I’ve described before – though believe me, I’m looking for anything that might actually prove the IVF was successful besides the beta (though that is a good indication).


I just want to thank everyone so much for their comments. It is so amazing to have such a wonderful group of women cheer you on. It’s hard for me, especially after my support group meeting last night, to not have everyone join you in pregnancy. I want to have everyone be pregnant too. Last night, one of the women in my group said that I was being really quiet – although part of it was due to being really tired, part of it also was that I feel guilty for having succeeded on our first try at IVF. I just hope that each of them and all of you still trying reach success soon too.

The Best Election Day EVER!!!

Beta: 476!!!!

We got the call a little over an hour ago. Thank God we didn't have to wait too long. This morning, the guy taking my blood said it would be between 1 and 4 and they called at 1:10.

I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be when I found out the news. The weather and the traffic in Seattle today just sucks. It took me about 50 or so minutes to get from Issaquah over to UW to pick up my husband. Way too long. And I was HUNGRY, so I decided to go to a fast food place (McDonald's - I remembered today why I think McDonald's is gross) so we could get home as soon as possible. As soon as I drive into the McDonald's parking lot near our house, my cell phone rings (well, it plays "How to Save a Life" by The Fray). I quickly get into a parking spot and the butterflies in my stomach are fluttering madly. I answer the phone and one of the women from my clinic asked me how I was. I said fine. I swear it felt like forever before she told me the great news. She began to tell me that they wanted the beta over 50 and I said "and what is my beta?" Mine was at 476!!! Holy cow!

This morning felt it took forever. It took forever to get from the clinic to my office, then it took forever for the time to come for me to go get my husband. The wait was definitely worth it.

Also, my husband has been meaning to write a post about his feelings on our infertility...if you would like to read it, please go here. He wrote this early this morning before finding out the great news.

9dp5dt

You guys, I’m going crazy. It’s only (almost) 11:30 a.m. on Monday. The last 24 hours seem to be going at a snail’s pace. I can’t stand it! Oh, I ended up going to bed last night at 8:15! 8:15!!!

I woke up this morning not feeling so good (AF-like cramps, nausea), but again, I’m not sure if it’s because of the side effects of the PIO or pregnancy. I’m hoping the latter. Speaking of the PIO, I now have little bumps on the sites where the PIO shots are being done. They are so itchy! It is really kinda annoying because I can’t be scratching at my desk!

My sister just wrote me to tell me that not only did she have that dream (which I think I blogged about a while back, but I don’t feel like looking for it) in which she saw this cycle will be the one that works for us, but my uncle also had this premonition that this cycle works too. I hope they’re right!

There are moments that I think that yes, this IVF definitely worked. I definitely feel pregnant. Then I can’t help it, but that negative thought keeps popping back into my head – we’ve always had negatives, why would we finally be lucky? That feeling I have of being pregnant could just be the progesterone.

However, despite those annoying negative thoughts, right now, I’m going to act like I am pregnant until told otherwise.

I’m not exactly sure when the news will come tomorrow. I plan to ask them tomorrow when they plan to call, but I just want to tell friends and family – though I know you already know this – wait until we contact you. I’m sure if it is good news, you will know right away…maybe. We’ll see. I’ve never gotten positive news, so I don’t know what we’re going to do. I may want to go outside and shout it out to the world. I may want some time to just celebrate with my husband before letting everyone know.

Either way, I’m sure I’ll post the news at some point tomorrow.

Until then, I’ll leave you a quote from the Dixie Chicks song “I Hope”

“I hope, for more love, more joy and laughter
I hope, we'll have more than we'll ever need
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly
And we can lose all the pain and misery
I hope, I hope”

So...Tired...

I am so tired. I am trying to stay up until at least 9 before heading to bed, but I don't think that's going to happen. I've been ready to go to bed since about 5:30. Could this be a sign of pregnancy or am I just that tired? We'll know in less than 48 hours. The only other thing going on is my breasts are slightly sore, but not that much. They were actually more sore last week. Plus, there are those darn cramps that come and go during the day.

I was talking to my husband about this earlier - how if we get a positive beta on Tuesday, I'll be so extremely happy, but I will also be in complete shock. All we've known over the past almost 5 years is disappointment after disappointment. It's hard to believe sometimes that something good could come out of all of this.

8dp5dt

I am soooo tempted to test right now, but I'll be a good girl and wait.

Early this morning (around 2 a.m.), I was having this dream that this guy, who I've never seen before, comes and says to me "I'm here to tell you about your cycle." And I responded with "What? Who are you?" then I woke up with the most intense pain I've had in a while. I was really convinced that when I got up to go to the bathroom, AF would be there. But she wasn't. I laid in bed a while crying because it really felt like AF was going to show up at any moment. I was afraid of this because with my last IUI, I started to cramp 4 days before AF showed up. This past Thursday was first day I started to cramp and well, I was afraid that today would be the day AF would appear.

Eventually, I was able to fall back asleep and when I woke up again to have to go to the bathroom, the pain seemed to have disappeared. I fell back asleep and had another dream in which the doctors had this new technology that they were able to see if the embryos stuck as they are supposed to and in my dream, I remember seeing at least one of the embryos sticking. What I also thought was weird in my dream is that the embryo was surrounded by sticks. Yes, there were sticks in my uterus. I told my husband about this, and he said that we do keep telling the embryos to stick around. So I guess that's where my brain got the idea to put sticks in my uterus. Our brains come up with the strangest things in our dreams. Of course, you can see what's on my mind.

Anyway, the cramping has been on and off all morning. I'm partly convinced it might have something to do with my dealings with constipation lately (thanks progesterone). I'm hoping the pain is from constipation and not from AF making her appearance any time now.

Well, only 2 more days to go. I think this might be the only time that I will be actually wishing for the work week to start.

7dp5dt

Almost there.

I woke up this morning to do the PIO shot, then, unlike last weekend, I was able to fall back asleep even though I went to bed at 10 p.m. (I am so old) the night before. I am exhausted. I can't help it!

When I woke up again a little before 10, I thought my cramps had gone, but no, when I was taking a shower, they decided to return. Though the cramps are very light, unlike on Thursday. While in the shower, I imagined getting the phone call from the RE's office on Tuesday and getting good news. As you can imagine, I was so happy. I hope to get good news on Tuesday. This wait is driving me crazy.

Well, I need to go run some errands, then we are supposedly going over to a friend's house later tonight. So all this activity should keep my mind off things. And I signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) so I have that to do too.

And a quick congrats to Nickie - she got a BFP!!! Congratulations, Nickie!!!

6dp5dt

Well, so far, so good. Not much cramping. Not like yesterday anyway. Maybe it is what the nurse said - implantation was taking place. If so, yay!!!

I'll see how the rest of the day goes. It is going to be one long day here at work. I'm really tired (probably the progesterone), and it's Friday. Time always seems to go slower on Fridays - for me, anyway. I can't wait for the weekend.

Update: 11:19 a.m. - I spoke too soon on the cramping. It returned for a bit like it was yesterday, but everything seems fine now. Knock on wood.

A nice feeling...

I just got a call from the nurse from my clinic asking how I was doing. It caught me off guard, but it was so nice to have someone ask how I'm doing even if this particular person asks all the patients she works with how they're doing. It still made me feel good.

I told her I've been cramping, and she asked if I've spotted at all, and I said no. And she said it could be implantation so she's hoping it's that and not the other possible outcome. She asked if I'm planning to test at all, and I said no, that I'm doing my best to wait until Tuesday. She said that would be good because you don't want to test too early and get a negative when it could be positive. My sister send me this link earlier of women who described feeling like AF was going to show up any day now, even well into their pregnancy, when they were pregnant. It certainly made me feel a little better, so thanks Trina for sending that to me!

About doing HPTs, I was talking to a friend from my support group last night (the one that went to the movie with me), and she said that if she had to do it over again, she would go do the beta
test, then come home and do the HPT, so she could be prepared when the clinic calls. I'm thinking of doing that.

5dp5dt - Halfway there

I am so nervous and scared this morning. I woke up with the most period-like cramps I’ve had in a while. I am so afraid that this means that the IVF cycle didn’t work. This is exactly how I feel right before AF shows up. Of course, I’ve never been pregnant - maybe some women feel this way when they are pregnant.

I shared my fear with a friend from work and she told me that she thinks my problem with getting pregnant is that I’m not relaxed. And my first reaction is “what about those first 2 years before we went to go see an RE? I was as close to relaxed as one can get and didn’t start getting really nervous until my OB/GYN told me to go see an RE. Not once in those two years did I get pregnant. There is obviously something wrong (like a blocked fallopian tube and who knows what’s going on with the other tube or any other number of issues).” I hate that. I don’t need to hear – just relax. You wouldn’t tell someone who is about to hear other types of life-changing news to just relax, would you? Does just relaxing make it so all medical issues disappear?

I do realize I should relax as there is nothing I can do about my chances of being pregnant now, which is why I asked friends, family, well ,anyone, to help distract me. I went to go see Talladega Nights last night with a support group buddy. It was rather funny – particularly, the outtakes at the end. Those just cracked me up. And after seeing a preview for Borat, I may have to see that movie. I didn’t think I wanted to see it, but after seeing the preview, it looks hysterical.

Anyway, about the conversation with my friend, I promptly changed the subject to where I could drop off my sharps container. She would know since she has to give herself shots because she has diabetes. It turns out I cannot just take them to a pharmacy like the RE’s office said. It seems only the county health department will take them, but I can purchase a new one at most, if not all, pharmacies. That’s kinda inconvenient – you would think you would be able to go to just one place to take care of this stuff, but no.

And ouch – my backside hurts a bit this morning from where this morning’s shot took place. It keeps throbbing. Just ouch!

Well, anyway, I hope I’m wrong about the whole AF-like cramps.

4dp5dt

In an effort to keep myself occupied and keep my mind off the whole - "will it be positive and thus, we will be so incredibly happy, or will it be negative and thus, we will be so incredibly devasatated?" question - I'm going to go see a movie tonight at the Crest with a support group buddy. I am so happy she said she would go see the movie with me because, like I said, I need to keep myself occupied and distracted. We're going to see Talladega Nights. She is the one that actually found a comedy at a theatre to go see - and it's at the "cheap" theatre!

And we ended up getting 16 kids last night. A low for us in the 3 years we've been in our house. Perhaps it was too cold?

I just got back from buying some printer paper and a pack of notebooks and I had to carry it from the store over to my van and well, I'm out of shape and I was wearing a heavy coat because I thought things were getting colder, so it was not pleasant to carry those things around the store then to my van. I really, really hope that this doesn't cause a problem with our embryos sticking around for a while. I don't know why I did what I just did - I just knew I needed these things, so I went and bought them. As you some of you can relate to, I'm afraid one little movement is going cause a positive to turn to a negative! Gah - why did I just do that?

3dp5dt

First, a little rant…

You may or may not recall my rant I wrote about a while back about a coworker who went on maternity leave and when she left I had to take over some of her projects (you probably don’t – I wouldn’t remember either probably – so here’s the post I wrote).

Well, this morning, I forwarded her an e-mail regarding an issue that she is supposed to work on and I cc’d my boss. She responded back to me that this wasn’t part of her job when it so clearly is, and my boss told her to look into it. I went and asked my boss a little while later if I was wrong to forward that e-mail to my co-worker, and my boss said no. Gah! I am so completely annoyed by her – does she do any work at all or talk on the phone all day? Oh, and when she sees me in the hall, her and her buddy completely ignore me. What fun coworkers I have!


Anyway, I was a little stressed this morning regarding some project my boss wanted me to work on. I walked around a little too much and have a little bit of cramping. Oh, and in the vanpool this morning, I cannot seem to stop myself from feeling anxious about this wait. I only (only, hah!) have 1 week to go, so I need something to occupy my mind and to relax me because the music isn't doing it. It doesn't help that the driver of the van was very close to hitting another car this morning - apparently, even though we had gone through one tunnel on I-90 to come out to the bright sun directly in front of us while going across Lake Washington, he apparently forgot about this when going through the 2nd tunnel and seemed surprised to find a bright sun and people might actually brake after coming out of the dark tunnel to the bright sun. Wow, that was one big rambling sentence - hopefully, it makes sense; I don't feel like correcting it.

Well, anyway, that's all for now.

2dp5dt

The alarm goes off at 6, so my husband can give me the PIO shot before he goes to work. I'm hoping I can go back to sleep. Again, no such luck. I feel tired, but I can't sleep. In a little while, I'm going to go read my book on the couch. I'm sure that will put me to sleep...maybe.

Also, I'm hurting a little bit. I don't know if it's from the retrieval still or the transfer, but I hurt. I can only hope that the pain is from our embies implanting themselves...although it's too early for that, isn't it? Hmm, according to fertility friend, implantation can happen on day 7 after ovulation or even earlier.

I wish I didn't have to wait another 8 days!

Even more...

3:23 p.m.


I found the problem with getting up at 7 on a weekend day and being told to keep off your feet as much as possible (did anyone else get this advice from the RE’s office?) – I am so completely bored and it’s only a little after 3 p.m. on Sunday and I’m planning on staying home tomorrow too per RE’s instructions. My husband was away helping a co-worker move, so he was gone for nearly 4 hours (I watched 4 episodes of The Bachelor while he was gone - not sure why I decided to watch this season). And I’m sure now that he’s home, he is going to study for his classes I wish I felt like reading my book, but I have no motivation even though I was trying to read 52 books this year and I’m only on #37 with 2 months to go. I want to go out and do something or at least have some conversation with a human being in person. I am going stir crazy.

1dp5dt - Update

9:48 a.m.


Well, we just got the phone call from the RE – the other 3 didn’t make it to blast, so we have no embryos to freeze. I’d be lying if I said that this doesn’t upset me. I can only hope that the 2 inside of me implant and stick sround for a long while. If that’s the case, then we wouldn’t need any frozen embryos. This feels like added pressure though for these ones to work. I know we are in the shared risk program, so we still have 2 more fresh cycles and 3 frozen (if we ever get there), but I don’t want to do another fresh cycle anytime soon or ever. Of course, I will if I have to.

1dp5dt

8:53 a.m.

The alarm went off at 7 this morning for us to do the PIO shot. I tried to go back to sleep, but that wasn’t happening. I just laid there and listened to some music and prayed that this cycle will work. I have 9 more days until I find out the results. On the one hand, I need time to speed up so it can be November 7, but on the other hand, I need it to go as is so I can make sure I get some work stuff done before November 30.

I still have some cramping this morning and my breasts are so super sore. I’m tired, but I can’t seem to sleep right now. I don’t plan to go to work tomorrow, and I still need to remind my boss of this fact. Well, that’s all for now. As soon as the doctor calls, I’m sure I’ll have more to say.

Ooh, actually, my husband just reminded me of this. I’ve seen on other blogs how some people give silly names to their embryos, and I asked my husband if he wanted to do that and he said no, so we weren’t. Possibly because that would mean we would be getting too attached. But then this morning he said something about “Unter” and “Uber” – which is under and over in German. I asked him why that and he said it was because in the picture, one of the embryos was over the other one and one was under the other one. It’s cute, so I’m sticking with it. I don’t have a scanner so I can’t show the picture to you right now, but my husband said he would scan the picture when he goes into work tomorrow. O.K. that’s really all for now.

Transfer History Pt. 4

From October 28, 2006

7:23 p.m.

Looking at this picture of our embryos brings tears to my eyes. These little embryos may become our child(ren). It’s just so amazing.

9:35 p.m.


I’m here hanging out at home by myself. Well, my furbabies are here – Oliver is hanging out with me on the couch. I’m not sure where Sophie is – probably on her favorite chair upstairs.

My husband went out to play a game with our guy friends. I’m sitting here watching VH1 Storytellers with the Dixie Chicks. I’m really enjoying it. I wish I could go to the concert in November – I think it’s down in Tacoma. The tickets are too expensive for me at the moment.

I’ve been cramping all day. I googled it, of course, and saw that this is normal, but it’s hard not to worry when you have so much riding on this.

Transfer History Pt. 3

October 28, 2006 3:03 p.m.

Well, I came close to floating away, but thankfully, I didn’t. I drank too much water that they said I could go to the bathroom a little bit – that’s not really an easy thing to do.

To backtrack a bit, we showed up to the clinic around 11:05 or so. At first, they weren’t answering the phone to let us into the building, but on the 2nd try, they buzzed us in. We get up there and waited for what felt like too long since I desperately had to go to the bathroom. Listening to music on my iPod helped. We finally go back to the transfer room – they check my bladder and allow me to go the bathroom a little bit. At first, I thought the nurse was telling me to drink more water and I freaked out a bit!

We get back into the room and the doctor comes to introduce herself – the last doctor in this clinic I’ve yet to meet. She seems really nice and actually reminds me of a friend I had in law school which was a bit weird. The doctor hands us a picture of the two embryos that they are going to transfer. Those two embryos made it to blast, so yay! She said that she feels our chances are good with these embryos.

The other embryos – 2 of them arrested; the other 3 are still going, but she’s not sure if they will make it blast. It is possible that one of them will, she said. We will find out for sure tomorrow. After signing some paperwork telling us what happened with all the eggs, then embryos, we were ready to get started.

The doctor knocked on this sliding window and the embryologist was on the other side. The doctor prepared everything for the transfer to take place. After that, she switched the screen to show how the embryologist was getting the 2 embryos. Then once the embryologist got the embryos, the doctor inserted the catheter and then transferred the embryos. The embryologist then got the device back to make sure the embryos were actually in my uterus, which they were. After she took out the catheter, they also took a picture with the ultrasound to show us where the embryos were placed.

With any luck, one or both of them stick around for a long while. We will find out for sure on Tuesday, November 7. I need to call to make an appointment for that on Monday.

Right now, I’m just hanging out writing this for whenever I post this to my blog. I watched Lost and Veronica Mars, but I don’t feel like watching tv right now. I really don’t feel like doing much of anything really. I need it to be November 7.

Well, that’s all for now.

Transfer History Pt. 2

From October 28, 2006

8:45 a.m. – After waking up at 7 this morning for the PIO shot, I couldn’t get back to sleep. I checked my e-mail and checked up on some blogs that I read. During that time, I tried to see how long it would take me to drink 16.9 oz of water – about 38 minutes. And I’m supposed to drink 24-32 oz in 30 minutes? Also, I’ve had to go to the bathroom twice since drinking all that water. I really think that 16.9 oz is more than enough to give me a full bladder, but I’ll drink what they told me – or at least, as much as I can of that in 30 minutes.

Right now, I’m downstairs writing while Sophie (one of my furbabies) sleeps on the couch – she is looking so adorable!!! I feel so much love for my kitties – I’m sure I will only feel more when I’m looking at my baby. I’m really anxious about today – how are our embies doing? Did they make it to blast? In just a little over 2 1/2 hours, we’ll know.

Something that I’ve thought about in the last little bit is what if they put back 2 embryos and they both stick. I’m just not sure how I feel about carrying twins. Sure, it might be great to have 2 children right away like that – no more fertility treatments needed, but I’m afraid of having them be born premature. I’m nervous about whether or not I’ll have to be put on bedrest during the last trimester of pregnancy. This may or may not happen, but I do have some concerns in having multiples, but I also don’t want to lose out on a chance to get pregnant if I only put one embryo back in and that doesn’t work, but the other one would have. Although we are in the shared risk program, I really, really don’t want to have to do this all again. I would love it so much if it worked the first time. Wouldn’t we all?

I’m doing my best to visualize this IVF working. Having the embryo or embryos implant. Then on November 7 (the date of the first beta – I think), finding out all of this was worth it by getting a BFP.


On another topic, I’ve been e-mailing the woman in my vanpool who just had a baby. She had told another vanpool person that she was curious how things were going with me, so we e-mailed and she told me she would love for me to come visit her newborn baby. I think I might do that sometime next week before I find out the results of this IVF. She also has a friend who just went through an IVF cycle. Her retrieval was on the 21st and her transfer was on the 24th. She will find out her results the day before me.

Anyway, I once again have to go to the bathroom. I am certain that I have the smallest bladder ever. Then in 1/2 hour, I have to insert the prometrium. Such fun!

Transfer History Pt. 1

Well, over the past few days, I've wrote some stuff regarding the transfer that I'm going to post now - but I'll post them in several entries as some can be a bit long.

From October 27, 2006:


It is now the night before the transfer. I just got back from a pumpkin carving party, and I am going to bed. I’ve been anxious all day. I haven’t been able to get much work done at work. Hopefully, when I drink all that water tomorrow, I won’t float away! Well, I should try and get some sleep. We still need to wake up early to do the PIO shot @7, then at 9:30, I have to do the prometrium. Then at 10:30, start drinking all that water. I feel really hopeful that this will work. I am trying my hardest to keep a positive attitude. November 7 won’t come soon enough. Alright, I’m really going to sleep now.

No more blasts

The doctor called about a little over an hour ago to let us know that the 3 remaining embryos didn't make it to blast, so we have nothing to freeze. Hopefully, it won't matter because the 2 blasts that they did transfer will stick around for a long time.