Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Sunday, April 30, 2006

IUI #2!!!

Well, I went to the doctor yesterday and met one of the doctors there for the first time - a really chatty guy, but very nice!

Anyway, the ultrasound went well. There is one follicle on each side of good size, but the one on the left was larger, so he suggested coming back the next morning to see if it had progressed any, and I guess it looked the size he wanted it to, so he said that we could go ahead and do an IUI!!! I am so happy that the one on the left is larger - I've been anxious to do another IUI to see if it could possibly work. I really, really hope it does, but I don't want to be too hopeful in case it doesn't work. But I'll regret it if I don't at least try. If I can avoid having to do an IVF, that would be great!

Tonight, we need to do the HCG shot (which I am not looking forward to - but at least my husband was with me this time to see how it should be done - and this time, I'll be laying on our bed while he does it, so I won't see the needle), with the IUI happening on Tuesday morning. Unfortunately, my husband won't be able to be there when the insemination takes place as he has a work thing he can't get out of (which starts at 10 and I need to be back at the doctor's office at 9:45), so I'll be by myself again. I'm going to take the day off on Tuesday. Last time, I went to work after the insemination and really regretted it, so I won't do that again.

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Any good vibes you can send my way Tuesday morning are really appreciated!!! Thanks!!!

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Just Ugh

People frustrate me today. Way back when, I had a discussion with a friend about whether insurance should cover infertility treatments - she, of course, said no for many different reasons - including that insurance already covers too much and not everyone has coverage. Well, this article came out today that she had to point out. I don't know if this whole issue just irritates me or I'm just easily irritated because of the Clomid I'm on (which, thank God, today is the last day of), but I do know I am irritated and frustrated by her e-mail pointing this out. I wish I wasn't. It probably doesn't help that I'm stressed at work with too much stuff to do (I needed to take a break and rant a bit).

I'm also completely anxious about Saturday. This Saturday, I am going to my RE's office for a CD12 ultrasound where I hope to hear that my left side is the more dominant side this time so we can do another IUI. I really hope to hear some good news this weekend!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

6 "Weird" Things About Me

The lovely lady at The Waiting Line tagged me! Also, my first tage ever! Woo!

Here are the rules.

1. Go write weird facts/things/etc. about yourself in my comment box and on your blog, then tag six more people!
2. Then leave a comment that says "You are tagged" in their comments telling them to read your blog.

6 weird things about me.

1) I have a book obsession. I can't help buying new books - especially at the library book sale when the books are $.50-$1.00!

2) For my 30th birthday, I had a Harry Potter themed birthday party. Love me some Harry Potter! :-D

3) On my desk at work, everything must be in its place when I leave for the day, but during the day, it's a big mess. And at home, there is no order - though I would very much like there to be.

4) I have recurring dreams of plane crashes - sometimes I'm on the plane. Other times I see it come down and go rescue people.

5) Though I love the beauty of Seattle and the surrounding areas, there are times I miss living in Texas. Especially going to Six Flags in Arlington, TX! I don't think that's really weird, but oh well!

6) Like Jenny, I must recycle everything that can be recycled and was annoyed when I went to WI and IL that they don't seem to be as recycle friendly there - but maybe I just missed where the recycling bins were.

This was a hard list to make - eventually, I'll also finish the 100 things about me (some of which will be repeats of what I wrote above).

I'm tagging anyone out there who hasn't been tagged yet (I know - getting out of it easy), and who wants to share 6 weird things about themselves.


Monday, April 24, 2006

Hot Flashes & Mood Swings

How is it last cycle when I was on Clomid - 100 mg, I really didn't notice it? But this time (even at a lower dosage) is a different story. Much like the first time I took Clomid about 2 years ago. Maybe it's not the Clomid, and just my crazy body. I don't know. All I know is that I keep having hot flashes and mood swings.

Today is CD7 (so Day 3 of Clomid), and I keep going between being content with the temperature to being completely hot - and the being completely hot doesn't last too long. Then I have the mood swings where I'm o.k. one minute and the next, I feel completely depressed. It doesn't help that I keep seeing my 8 month pregnant coworker walking all around.

Well, anyway, I really don't have much to report. I've been so busy that I haven't been able to read too many other blogs - I read some here and there though.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'm back!

I'm back from my trip (well, I've been back - I just haven't had time to write anything on this blog yet). You can read all about my trip to Chicago, IL and Racine, WI here.

I just wanted to bring up one thing regarding my trip that I kinda mentioned on my other blog linked above, but I left some info out. At the wedding reception, I sat with the groom's coworker and his wife (I will refer to her as K - she's the one who just had a baby and the one I didn't go to her baby shower) and my friend's brother and his wife, son and daughter-in-law (my husband was in the wedding party, so he sat with them). Well, the daughter-in-law is pregnant, so there was a lot of discussion about being pregnant and having a baby. Needless to say, I was not happy with the conversation.

Anyway, the part that I didn't mention in my blog is that K came up to me later that night to tell me she felt bad because she didn't realize until later how insensitive that conversation was (she started the conversation and she does know about our infertililty because she reads my other blog - which I just learned while on this trip). I thought that was really nice of her to say that. I told her that although I really feel uncomfortable with conversations like that and that it does make me sad, I do realize that having a baby is what couples usually do so there are going to be those conversations around me. It still kinda bugs me though.

Speaking of baby showers - I'm sure many of us have encountered this several times, but this is my first time since we started trying to have a child. My boss is throwing a baby shower - during work hours - for my coworker. I don't think there is any way I can get out of going to this one like I did with the other one. What have you done when faced with this situation?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Just a little bit more...

Woo - vacation time! In about 12 hours, I'll be on a plane heading to Chicago.

I've been so busy with work this week - working on my own stuff while training a new employee that I haven't had time to write on my blog or read too many blogs. It will be nice to get away from work for a week!

The bank thing got all worked out. My husband went down to the bank Monday morning to fill out fraud paperwork after I had called the police to report the theft to get the case # for the bank. The bank gave us back our money yesterday and changed our account number - which means I had to stop direct deposit for my paycheck (it has been forever since I had to actually deposit a check).

And, of course, they call us at home today to let us know our debit cards were ready and by the time I got home, they're already closed. So I have to wait until Tuesday to go pick those up. Hopefully, by then, our checks will be ready too. What I found kinda funny is the woman who was helping my husband complete the fraud paperwork asked him if he wanted them to send the checks and debit cards to our home! Hello! What was the reason my husband was at the bank in the first place? Yes, let's have the thieves steal a whole box instead of just one check.

And when I got home today, we had a letter from the USPS with the envelope I had sent with the check. The letter stated that they believed a check had been stolen from us, and because of that, they wanted us to fill out some fraud paperwork form. More paperwork!

Well, anyway, I should go finish getting ready for our trip so I can sit down and watch Lost in a 1/2 hour(it's important)! :-D Hope everyone is doing well! I'll catch up with everyone's blogs when I get back!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

This weekend just sucked for so many reasons...

The weekend started out pretty well. I went over to a friend's house and hung out, chatted, and watched the "Hush" episode of Buffy (one of my favorites) and Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. My husband was having the guys over at our house.

The next day, my husband and I headed to Tacoma to pick up my 16-year-old sister-in-law because we were going to the Mariners game. The weather just sucked. I could barely see as we were driving down I-5 and at one point, we came to a part of I-5 where it seemed all of the water was going to. Luckily, I was able to keep control of the car, but it definitely was a scary moment. I quickly got out of the carpool lane in case there were any more of those lakes on the freeway. We get to Jon's parents house about an hour and a half after we left our house. We went and got some snacks at the store and some cash for later, and headed back to Seattle to be there when the gates open so we could get our "Dan the Man" placards as it was the Dan Wilson Farewell Night (he was the catcher for the Mariners for 12 years)...


As we were parking our car, we also almost got into another accident when a guy who wasn't paying attention almost hit us as he was backing up. The whole parking situation was just awkward and frustrating.

Before the game started, there was a ceremony (which was kinda boring, but also sweet in some places). Some interesting people came for the ceremony, including Governor Christine Gregoire, Mayor of Seattle Greg Nickels and King County Executive Ron Sims. The big surprise though was that Lou Piniella (former manager of the Mariners) stopped by to say farewell to Dan.

The Mariners lost the game last night. This, I think, is the first sporting game I've been to in quite a while in which the team I was rooting for lost. My winning streak is over.

When we get home, we come back to some really sad news that a friend lost her sister that afternoon. :'-( I can't even imagine, and it breaks my heart to have read such news.

Then today, while my husband was taking my sister-in-law back home, I went upstairs to balance the checkbook. Usually not that bad of a task, but today I found that someone had stolen a check I had written for $300 and washed it and wrote it out to some random person for $998. Needless to say, I was a bit freaked out because I was counting on that money to help pay for some bills that are due soon and to help pay for things while in WI and Chicago. My bank isn't open today for me to ask what I need to do to get my money back, so I can pay the the original bill of $300 and to pay other bills. I have never wanted for a Monday to come so badly!

I did call another bank where we have an account and ask what they do in this situation, and they said that with them, I would get the money back from filing a claim and that they would change our account number. I assume my bank will do the same thing. And hopefully, I won't have to wait too long to get my money back.

And tomorrow, a new person starts in our department that I am in charge of training as she will be taking over my old job. I'm looking forward to not doing my old job anymore, but I don't think I'm looking forward to training someone.

Anyway, that's been my weekend. Next weekend we will be in WI and Chicago!

Friday, April 07, 2006

I am grateful...

I am grateful that my life is a good one.
I am grateful that I have the most wondeful husband a gal could ask for.
I am grateful that I have my 2 wonderful kitties.
I am grateful that I have good friends both online and off.
I am grateful that I have a well-paying job and own my home.
I am grateful for so much.

I know that I don't have cancer (like my mom who is fighting breast cancer - she's doing well - no more chemo - she's moving onto radiation now).

I know that I don't have a sister who is dying because of her advanced bone cancer (like a friend of mine).

I know that my father isn't in the last stages of Alzheimer's while also fighting cancer (like a coworker of mine).

I am sad that my mom is going through all of this. I can't imagine losing her. I still need her and I'm 32 years old. I am so sad that my friend is losing her sister (I need my sister just as much as I need my mom), and that my coworker (who is also my friend) may be losing her father soon (though my father isn't the most talkative, I couldn't imagine losing him either).

I know that my life is good, but yet, I am still sad that I am going through infertility. I hate going through this, and it is all unfair. Pregnant woman after pregnant woman surround me at work, it seems like. I can't escape it.

As I was leaving work yesterday, I walk out of our lobby doors out to meet my vanpool, and vanpool girl was walking a few steps in front of me. She suddently stops at the security desk to announce rather loudly and with the hugest grin on her face that she is pregnant to another female employee. As if that wasn't enough, the female employee happily announces back that she is also expecting a baby. It really is just me that can't seem to have a baby at this company, isn't it?

I really don't want to be upset by this because like I said above, I have a good life. But I'm missing something, and that something is a baby. I can't escape my desire to be a mother - my desire to be pregnant with a baby that is a combination of my husband and I. I want to be happy for other women who get pregnant without any kind of help, but it's too hard. I just wish some people who aren't going through this would understand. I am grateful that my health is relatively good. I am grateful that my mother is doing well. I am grateful for all of my friends. I am grateful for so much. I don't want to seem that I am ungrateful for what I have. I'm just not happy when something I've wanted for so long feels like it is happening to others, but not me.

One nice thing that has happened recently is that my coworker (the one I mentioned above) thought of me when she went to a local drugstore yesterday. She saw a Clear*blue*Fertility*Monitor for 75% off. She got it for me after she called and asked if I wanted it (of course, at $45, I couldn't turn it down). I've wanted one for so long, but never got one for various reasons. I am excited to start using it next cycle.

This cycle is being so weird (what's new?) that I don't know what's going on. I thought I ovulated, but my temp is still on the lower side and fertility friend doesn't think I ovulated. We'll see. Today is CD21.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Another Sign?

I'm the type of person who is always looking for signs to answers of questions I have or with problems I'm trying to solve, so when this week my sister and coworker both told me they had dreams I was going to be pregnant soon, I was trying to convince myself that it was a sign (though I wasn't doing a really good job of it - it's hard for me to feel hopeful after 4 years of trying, but I'm trying)!

Then this morning, instead of going my normal way into the office (which is through the main doors), I decided to go in through the garage, and there on one of the steps was a little piece of confetti that said "baby". Now, again, I'm not so sure it's a sign, but I'd really like to believe it is. I need a sign that everything is going to work out.

And tonight, I'm going to be riding home with vanpool girl because she drove herself in for a doctor appointment and she wants to be able to use the carpool lane on the way home. I'm actually happy about riding home with her even if she talks about her pregnancy because at least, I won't feel like I'm putting my life at risk as I would with the person who would be driving the van back home. But hopefully, she won't want to talk much because I am so, so tired. I seriously need to go to bed earlier, but that's not going to happen. If only I wasn't so busy all the time! Hopefully, I'm able to get some rest on my vacation next week!

Which reminds me - does anyone have any recommendations on things to do while in Chicago and/or Racine, WI? We're going for a friend's wedding (I can't remember if I've mentioned that before or not).

Speaking of adoption

I guess the 2 characters on Desperate Housewives I mentioned before have adopted a baby - I'm not exactly sure how many episodes that was for those that were playing the guess how many episodes game with me, but I think it was around 4 episodes.

Oh, and remember when I mentioned the Scrubs episode when one of the characters had *the* fertility test after trying a whole 2 months - well, apparently she's pregnant. I haven't been watching the show lately (though it is on my DVR to watch because it is still a funny show), but this is what I hear.

Adopted Children - This Year's Must Have

I was just reading the movie & tv news on for today, and came across the following:

Moore and Kutcher to Adopt?

"Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have slammed rumors they are expecting their first child together, but admit they may consider adoption. The pair, who wed in September last year, have been plagued by reports they are trying for a child, but Kutcher insists they are not true. He says, "She's not pregnant. There was a rumor about a year ago, but it is not true. "(A baby) could be in the plans. Everybody's adopting babies now, that's the new thing. "I feel like just having one would be weird. It's unconventional to have a baby just now, you've got to adopt one from Cambodia or something.""

So adopting a child is just a passing fad or something? This kinda irritates me because apparently some think a child is an accessory and not an actual living being that depends on you for his or her life. He may not actually mean the way that it sounds, but it does sound bad to me. Of course, I'm extremely tired today so I may be overreacting.


Monday, April 03, 2006

Family Time

Just thought I would share a recap of my past weekend...I wrote all about it on my other blog if you would like to read all about it.


It was actually nice and distracting even though I was around little kids the whole weekend.

And on a side note, I had not only my sister, but a coworker tell me that they had dreams that I was pregnant. My sister said that in her dreams, June is when I would find out I was pregnant. If only that could be true!