Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Questions & Answers & Cute Stories

To answer Faith's question, I think the first finger food we gave them were the Gerber puffs and then later, the Zwieback toast. We actually just gave them those mesh bags the other day for the first time. I had completely forgotten about them. We put a huge piece of watermelon in there, and they were like "what in the world? Can we just have the watermelon by itself?". I do like those though and will probably use them in the future for other things.

I have a question for those with older babies - how did you transition to using no bottles at all? When did you stop giving them formula? Did you transition to milk and only sippy cups all at the same time? Our 1 year checkup isn't until July 1, so I'll be giving them formula until then when I hope the doctor will say - yep, you can start giving them milk now.

What type of foods do you give your 1 year old? Ella still only has 2 teeth and Benjamin still doesn't have any.

And now onto cute stories:

Ella has started to point to things and talk about whatever she's pointing at (at least, I'm assuming that's what she's doing - I don't quite understand all of her words right now). She has become quite the talker lately. The words I do understand is "keh" for kitty, "ma" for mom, "dada", "uh oh". And, of course, I can't think of the others right now. She's really cute though with her talking. The cutest thing the other day was when I dropped something and she said "uh oh ma". :-D

Benjamin, ever since I can remember, has been a little singer. He will sing when he is getting his diaper changed or about a toy.

Lately, both of them have become fascinated with our ceiling fan in the dining area. We turned it on for the first time since last summer the other day, and it is just so interesting. If you need Benjamin to hang out while you go fix a bottle or feed the kitties, just sit him down underneath the fan and let him stare. Ella pointed at it the other day and we think she was telling us about the fan (which wasn't on at the time).

The other day, Ella said something to Benjamin and started to crawl away and he went crawling after her. I just can't even describe how cute it was to see both of them crawling together down the hallway. Just cute!

Ella has stood on her own a few times, but hasn't tried walking since last Saturday. Benjamin has gotten a lot better at pulling himself up, but hasn't quite mastered it. Once he does get himself up, he does a great job of cruising around the furniture. I thought for sure he was going to go from one end of the livingroom to the other using one couch, to the coffee table to the other couch, but he stopped midway through the coffee table.

I've been reading a book called Certain Girls by Jennifer Weiner (a sequel to Good in Bed), and after watching Dan in Real Life and reading this book, I have to say I'm not looking forward to the teenage years.

That's about it for now.

Labels: , , ,

Monday, May 26, 2008


On Saturday, Ella walked for the first time all by herself. She took 1-2 steps from where we were in the living room to the couch. So proud of my little girl. She hasn't done it since, but she is just holding onto one of our hands to walk around rather than two. She's getting more comfortable to not holding onto stuff to walk around.

Benjamin has also performed another milestone. He pulled himself up to his feet and he's been cruising around the furniture. So proud of my little boy.

Speaking of "little" - we weighed them the other night. Ella came to between 22-23 pounds. Benjamin came to about 27 pounds!!! They're not even one yet!!!

There was something else I was going to write about, but I don't remember what it is! Perhaps I'll remember later. I've got to go get ready for a picnic!


Book Club - Water for Elephants

It's time for another installment of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade. This month's book club pick was Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen.

First of all, I loved this book. I got all caught up in the story and found it hard to put it down. Now, onto this month's questions!

1. (From the discussion questions at the end of the book) Looking at himself in the mirror, the old Jacob tries "to see beyond the sagging flesh." But he claims, "It's no good....I can't find myself anymore. When did I stop being me?" How would you answer that question for Jacob or for yourself?

This is a question that I heard a lot from those of going through infertility. We became angry and bitter at the world and this is who we used to be and we can't seem to find our way back to the way we were. Infertility changed us sometimes for the worse, but also sometimes for the better. I know that it changed me. For Jacob, I think there were several moments in his life that changed who he was - the moment he found out his parents died and joined the circus. The next when his relationship with Marlena grew and he found out how August really was. And perhaps the final one - when he left the circus. Being with Marlena and the circus was his life. Perhaps he found himself again when he joined the circus one last time.

2. Something that struck me about this book in particular was the rich, descriptive way the author handled Jacob as an elderly man. His frustration was so apparent, his physical manifestation so perfectly described, that of all of the elements of this book Jacob the Elderly is what stays with me. You had the sense that Jacob didn't foresee his latter years being the way they were, and his almost "ride off into the sunset" ending perhaps what he had envisaged for his end. Do you think about what's at the end of the road someday? When you think about it, what do you see for yourself?

All the time. I wonder what the future holds for me. How long will I be at my current job? Will I raise my children well? Will they turn into the adults I envision? Will I be happy with how my life turned out?

As for what I see for myself. Sometimes I get depressed and wonder if we are doing o.k. - am I a good parent? Should I be living closer to family? Should I be more aggressive in finding a different job? Should I be more active in trying to do activities with friends (as a lot of the time, I feel like some of my friendships are fading and that just saddens me)? And I wish a lot I could work less so I can be around my children more.

Then the next moment, I feel happy. Things are going well. I have a wonderful husband, terrific children, cute kitties and great family and friends. I have a good job and a daycare that I feel is a good one.

I do wish I knew sometimes what the future was going to be like for us. There are so many things I would have done differently had I known what was going to happen, and I'm sure there are going to be moment I'll feel that way in the future.

3) What does the title mean to you? Why do you think Sara Gruen chose it as the title?

I wondered while reading this exactly what "Water for Elephants" meant? Was it some old phrase meant to say "hey, I worked on the circus"? I think the title was chosen because of Rosie and what we learn later she did. She never forgot how August treated her versus how Jacob and Marlena treated her. That Dr. Seuss quote at the beginning pretty much summed up for me why I think the title was chosen. An elephant will stay faithful to those who deserve it. So I guess the title means to me not literally giving water to elephants, but rather helping a friend when they need it without being asked. Just being there when they need a friend. Treating people the way you would want to be treated. Staying faithful to those who mean so much to you and helping them at a time when they need you the most. Rosie was a friend to Marlena and Jacob. Rosemary was a friend to Jacob. Jacob was a friend to Walter when he needed it. Marlena to Walter when she helped with his dog, etc.

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Empty Picture Frame by Jenna Nadeau (with author participation because she's a blogger!)


Monday, May 19, 2008

More Stories

Some other cute stories:

Sometimes, I get one of the little cars that Ben & Ella have and start singing "Wheels on the car go round and round, round and round...all over Ella (or Benjamin)" while having the car travel over their body. They laugh when I do that. The other day, I saw Ella pick up a car, start rolling it all around her body and sing. How cute is that?

Benjamin, a little while ago, finally put one of the puffs in his mouth. He will pick it up, but he won't put it into his mouth. I was hoping that meant he would start to feed himself his own puffs, but no. He will pick up some Zwieback toast and some other bigger finger food items, but the puffs, he will not do.


Fun Times in the Sun

This weekend was a lot of fun.

On a very warm Saturday, we went and got some stuff for a picnic, then we went over to Hamlin Park to enjoy our picnic foods. We ate and played. I forgot to bring the camera, so I took a few pictures with my cell phone that you can view on my flickr page. Unlike our last really warm day outing, Ella actually seemed quite alright with being in the grass. Benjamin loved being in the grass and kicking his legs into it and if a parent joined in, that was even better. I loved doing that with him – seeing his big blue eyes and his big smile and his adorable laugh! I took video of that, but I haven’t added that to flickr yet. I also took a video of Ella ignoring me and standing and playing with the stroller.

At some point during our picnic, Ella came over to me to give me a baby kiss (you know, big slobbery kiss with the mouth wide open) and it tickled so I laughed. That only encouraged her to do it again by climbing on top of me to give me even more ticklish kisses. I was laughing so hard my tummy hurt and Ella was laughing quite hard too. I loved every second of it.

A while later, Jon took the babies on a walk through the trees and were gone for quite a while. I stayed back and read my book. Most of the time while we were there, there were several baseball games going on, but for a brief 10 minutes, the park seemed deserted except for me – that was a nice 10 minutes.

That night, I was going through the mail and noticed an ad for a kid swimming pool and thought, we should totally get one for the babies so you know what I did, I went out and got a $12 swimming pool from Target. The next day, we got Ben & Ella in their swimming suits (even though Ella’s is a 12 month suit, it doesn’t fit her!) and put them into the pool. They loved it! After a while, though, they wanted to crawl out of the pool and into the yard. I keep meaning to find some information on swim lessons for them. A friend of mine started her baby at 6 months. I’m mainly wanting to take them at a certain time so that they are with kids their own age and the time is a bit structured. As soon as I have time, I’m going to upload the pictures of them in their swimming pool.

Earlier in the day, we went to a certain warehouse club to pick up some items (diapers, baby wipes, etc.) and couldn’t resist the samples because I was HUNGRY and what better way to fill yourself up than to feast off the samples (though many of the samples were still in the oven cooking). One of the samples was a ice cream popsicle treat of some sort. I let Ben & Ella have some and they LOVED it. They saying “uh” when I was giving a taste to the other baby. When it was gone, they were not happy little campers. Jon said that I created two monsters. Luckily, they weren’t monster babies for too long.

Labels: ,

Friday, May 16, 2008

Stairs, here we come!

When I arrived at the daycare yesterday, Ella sees me and starts crawling quickly over to me. So cute. Then Benjamin sees me and he’s standing at the foam play mat wanting to get over to me, but he hasn’t quite figured out how to get down from a standing position. At that moment, the day care provider (DCP) tells me that Benjamin did something amazing today. She went off to get the camera and she shows me pictures of Benjamin crawling/climbing up the foam play mat stairs. Benjamin started crawling on Monday – he’s already figured out how to climb up the stairs!

Here is a picture of the foam play mat thing with Ella climbing up the steps so you can see what I’m talking about (the daycare said that they would send me the pics, but I haven’t gotten anything yet).

Labels: ,

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

We have crawling!

Yesterday, I ended up staying at home with Benjamin. Jon took Ella to the daycare so that Benjamin could have more of an opportunity to rest and get better. He seems better. He’s not throwing up like he was on Sunday, but yesterday, he did have diarrhea (and that was not pleasant, as I’m sure you could guess). I felt weird not having Ella there and if I had the car or the double stroller, I would have gone over to get her. I guess Ella had a bit of an off day – maybe because her brother wasn’t there. Benjamin kept having me hold onto his hands so he could walk around the house – maybe he was searching for his sister. I told him that I missed her too.

Anyway, while we were hanging out at home. Benjamin got up to his hands and knees and….he crawled!!! He crawled a couple different times yesterday. I’m so proud of my little guy – he wanted to wait until their 11 month birthday, I guess. :-)

(You know, it’s funny what things, as a parent, you become proud of that your children do. We saw an ad on mother’s day that showed a mom being proud of her child for going to the bathroom on the toilet.)

Anyway, there are some new pics on my flickr site of my babies. Enjoy!


Sunday, May 11, 2008

My first Mother's Day

It's my first Mother's Day. It's nice to finally be able to celebrate the day. I got to sleep in, got some chocolate chip pancakes my husband made, a few books to read and a puzzle card set. It's been a good day except Benjamin hasn't been feeling too well yesterday and today - poor guy. I may end up staying home with him tomorrow unless he starts to feel better.

Yesterday, we went to Tacoma to visit my in-laws. We had a good day down there too.

Tomorrow, Benjamin & Ella will be 11 months old!

Labels: ,

Friday, May 09, 2008

Pregnancy Talk & Remembering Hospital Bedrest Days

On this day last year, I went into work and worked my half-day. I then went home for a bit before heading off to my ultrasound appointment. Little did I know that when I left my house that day, I wouldn’t see my kitties or my home for a little over 5 weeks. It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year since I started my hospital bedrest. I guess that means my babies will be one year old in just under 5 weeks. Time does really fly.

Yesterday afternoon, I learned that one of the women in my vanpool is pregnant with her first child. I’m really happy for her and her husband although I do have to admit to being just a bit jealous. That pang of jealousy just doesn’t go away, does it? I don't know why I feel so jealous anymore. I have two wonderful babies that I adore more than anything in this world, but yet I can't seem to flip that switch off from infertile. Although the pain isn’t nearly as strong as it once was, thankfully. It reminds me of someone telling you to get over something that hurt you way back when, but sometimes things just stay there and no matter what you do, you can't stop thinking the way you did way back then. It's just hard. I'm sure some of you understand what I'm saying.

However, I do have to say it’s great timing because if she has a girl, I have been looking for someone to give some newborn girl clothes to. I also have some boy stuff too, so if she has a boy, she can get some clothes for me in the bigger sizes. She’ll find out in the next month or so.

Speaking of pregnant people, I suppose everyone in the IF land (and beyond, really) is talking about this family today. 18 KIDS! I know I’ve said it before, but how many full-term pregnancies can one body take? Perhaps we’ll find out with this woman. It seems just like yesterday when I was remarking on her being pregnant with #17 (oh wait, it pretty much was).

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Story Time

Here are a few little notes about my cuties (just so you know I use my blog as a way for me to remember what to put into the baby books I have for Ben & Ella that I have not filled out for a while – I really should get on that)…

Last night, Ella wasn’t feeling so well, so she went to bed pretty early and even was still sleeping this morning when Benjamin was trying to get her up around 6 a.m. And not only did she go to bed early, she didn’t even put up a fight when I put her in her bed. Though I should mention, she doesn’t really fight going to bed most nights nowadays. Her and Benjamin will hang out in there and chat before finally settling down to go to sleep. The few nights before last night though, she was fighting it. So she went to bed around 7:15 and Benjamin was still awake. He went to bed around 8 something – he was starting to fall asleep in Jon’s arms – there is something so cute about seeing a baby trying to desperately stay awake but not being able to and falling asleep wherever he or she is at the moment – whether they be sitting up and eating or on the floor playing.

Before Benjamin got into too sleep mode, he was playing down on the rug in the living room. While there, he got onto his belly and was lying down on the floor that way. He then started to press his face into the rug while yelling or talking or something. He did this repeatedly. I’ve seen him do it before – it’s just so funny and a little odd that he finds that enjoyable. Some of the time while he’s doing it, he will kick his legs too. I wish I knew why he likes to do that so much.

Later on that night, when I was about to get into bed, Jon and I checked on the babies. Benjamin was snoozing away and so was Ella, but Ella was lying on her left side with her right hand wrapped around one of the bard of the crib. Silly girl. We had our theories on exactly how she came to be sleeping like that. Mine was that she was thinking about pulling herself up to stand, but got too tired so she just fell asleep.

That reminds me, the other day I went into their room to get their beds set up for nighttime and the mommy bear was in her bed. I had assumed Jon had put it there for Ella to play with. He said he didn’t. So somehow she had got the mommy bear into her bed from where it was lying the last time I saw it – on a chest of drawers next to her bed.

And another story with Ella – she has started to say ‘uh’ either when she’s about to drop something to the floor or after she dropped something onto the floor. It’s rather cute. One time, I think she did say ‘uh oh’. Cute.


Monday, May 05, 2008

Fun and Busy Weekend

This weekend seemed rather busy. I was doing chores most of the time, it seemed like. There’s always laundry that needs to be done or dishes – something. I’m completely exhausted today. I almost called in sick just so I could sleep. I went to bed early enough but I had to get up earlier than I usually do since the vanpool guy was on vacation today. Next week, he’ll be gone for 3 days, then later on, he’ll be gone for 2 weeks. Getting up that early just sucks and not being able to see my babies awake before I go sucks even more. They slept in ‘til 7 today, my husband says.

Anyway, Saturday, I had a friend coming over to meet my babies for the first time. This person was a bridesmaid in my wedding, but we seem to keep falling further out of touch. It’s always me that makes the contact too. It was nice to see her. She told me that she just had surgery to remove a tumor in her breast – thankfully, it was benign and it isn’t the kind that grows back. She’s younger than I am – just scary. Speaking of, my mom is having a MRI done today where her breast used to be. Hopefully, it is nothing more than scar tissue and not anything more serious than that. We should know more later. Please send some good thoughts her way.

Sunday, I had some friends over from my support group. It was great to see everyone and their babies. It’s just wonderful to see all of them after what all of us have gone through to get that point. Now, instead of our discussions revolving around how much we could be parents – it is exactly how to be a parent. The topic did come up on whether any of us would have any more children and all of us said yes, we would like to have more children though it didn’t seem that anyone is planning to go through another fresh IVF cycle. 3 of the ladies there have frozen embryos to use. One is possibly going to adopt another child. For us, I’d love to have another child, but it would have to happen naturally and I don’t hold out any hope of that happening. Although I don’t consider us really trying to make that happen either. If it happens, great; if not, great. It seemed the concensus among the group is that we are happy with our children, though we’d welcome more if it happened.

Speaking of being a parent, I read this article last night. I sometimes feel like I’m one of the 3 they talk about (though I did know the correct answers to the questions in the article).

I wonder a lot if I’m being a good parent. Am I introducing them to things to help them grow and learn? Am I introducing them to new foods as often as I should? Am I being too paranoid on when to introduce new foods? Yesterday, I gave them pieces of grape and watermelon. They’ve had grapes before in the baby food, but not like this before. They seemed to enjoy them. In fact, Ella kept asking for more and tried to grab my plate several times to get the bigger pieces. I guess I kept thinking they should have more teeth before I give them this stuff, but I guess if they are in small enough pieces, it should be o.k.

Anyway, it seemed the others were giving their children a lot more foods than we have. One gave their child pieces of cheese quesadilla. I guess that just seemed too much for them when Ella only has two teeth (though it seems she’s working on a couple up top) and Benjamin doesn’t have any, but her children have the same teeth situation Ella has. I may have to try it though. And another suggested hummus – why hadn’t I thought of that before? It’s already pretty much in baby food form. We also gave them some of the Zwieback toast that they both were enjoying (Benjamin actually put some food in his own mouth!), but then Ella started to gag on it as she gnawed on the toast with her two teeth.

An update on Benjamin – he is doing the twitching thing occasionally still. I asked my doctor friend from my support group and she agreed with what our pediatrician said. That’s good news.

Labels: ,

Friday, May 02, 2008

Scary NIght

We had a scary episode last night from Benjamin that I hope is just nothing. While I was feeding him and Ella some dinner, Benjamin starting twitching his head to his right side. He seemed responsive and still with me, but he couldn't stop the twitching for a while. Eventually, it stopped and only happened a few times. I was all ready to take him to the hospital since our doctor's office was closed. I called them first and they said it sounded like it wasn't a seizure, but they weren't quite sure what it could be. They said if it continued (as by this time, it had stopped or was happening only occassionally) more frequently and he started to run a fever, etc to bring him in to the hospital. otherwise, we should take him to the doctor today. Jon is taking him as soon as the doctor's office calls him for an appointment. It really freaked me out. Jon wasn't home when it started. I hope and pray it's nothing, and he was just having some muscle spasms. I'll update as soon as Jon is able to take him to the doctor.

UPDATE: The doctors aren't worried. They basically told Jon the same thing that the nurse did at Children's last night. They think he might have been twitching because his inner ear is a bit irritated. So they said we should give him some ear drops and that should help with that. Thank goodness that it is all it was. We have a history of seizures on my side of the family and on Jon's, so I was a little nervous it could be that.

In other news, my brother-in-law and his wife wrote to tell everyone that their 2 year old son has been officially diagnosed with autism, like his sister. It sounds like they are getting the very best care. In fact, I think my niece is enrolled in a regular kindergarten class, so she's doing well. I hope and pray that is the case for my nephew.


Thursday, May 01, 2008

Wednesday Adventures

Yesterday turned out to be an interesting day. I got a phone call from the daycare yesterday a little after noon telling me that they think Benjamin might have chicken pox because of two bumps that were by his diaper area. I had told them, since he wasn’t awake when I had left yesterday morning, that I knew he had a rash, but that we were taking care of that but I’ll make an appointment for him to see the doctor just to make sure that the bumps were not chicken pox.

Since Jon wasn’t able to go get him, I got myself a taxi (because I’m in the vanpool) (the company pays for so many per year for those in a vanpool) to get to my car. I then go get Benjamin, we go hang out home for a while, then we go off to the doctor’s office. It was naptime at the daycare, so they woke up Benjamin from his nap (which they didn’t need to do since I had an hour before his appointment, but whatever). Ella was napping so she didn’t see Benjamin leave.

So after a while, we head over to the doctor’s office. They had told me to park in the handicap parking spot just outside the building rather than parking in the parking garage below the building and coming up; they had to make sure he didn’t have chicken pox before allowing him into the building. So I called to let them know I was there, and two ladies I had not met before came out. One was a student and the other her teacher. They checked Benjamin out and determined he did not have chicken pox. I was pretty certain it wasn’t because wouldn’t it be in more places than just in the diaper area? So they said we could come in. I asked if it was o.k. to leave my car where it was, and they weren’t sure. And after a while of thinking about what I should do, I said to them that they could take Benjamin to the office and I would go park in the garage and be right up. After I drove for like two seconds, I felt really uneasy for what I just did. Sure, they were from the doctor’s office, but it I hadn’t seen them before until yesterday. I hoped what I did was o.k. I hoped Benjamin was o.k. with strangers. I feel like I made stupid decision #whatever and was just too trusting of people. It turned out Benjamin was o.k., but I still feel uneasy for doing what I did. And it took me longer to get back to him since the parking garage was full and so I had to go back out and park on the side of the building in the State Farm reserved spots. I didn’t care – I had to get back to my baby.

So I get back in, and the two women and the NP that I knew were all looking at Benjamin while Benjamin was looking at them with a “what in the world is going on? Who are you people?” look. I show up and he sees me and starts to fuss – I think he might have been yelling at me for leaving him. Anyway, it turns out he has an infection – much the same that Ella had – so we need to treat it with some cream. Then, I asked them to check out his dry skin patches and he has excema, so they told us to use Cetaphil. They also noticed some excema behind his ear that they wanted me to use some antibiotic on. And they said we should start giving him and Ella some probiotics again – they even said it might help me with my excema.

Thank goodness it isn’t chicken pox. When I was talking with my acupuncturist about this last night, she mentioned that so many kids get the vaccine for chicken pox these days so not many kids get it – she opted not to have her kids get the vaccine. I don’t think that vaccine has been offered to us yet. The daycare said that they usually offer it at the 12 month checkup. I didn’t think to ask the doctor’s office.

When we went to fill the prescriptions given to us, we ran into vanpool girl (who is no longer vanpool girl as she doesn’t work here anymore) so we chatted for a bit. We’ve been meaning to get together but life gets busy with babies to take care of. I was hoping to run into her there since she works there and since it had been a while. She said her son, who is 20 months old, weighs about 24 pounds. Benjamin, at his 9 month checkup, was 23.

Anyway, this is getting too long, so I’ll save other stuff for another post sometime soon.