Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Sunday, February 27, 2005


I'm about to sit down and watch the Academy Awards. My husband isn't so much interested in watching the show - though he may watch the beginning since Chris Rock is hosting, and he likes Chris Rock. I haven't seen most of these movies. The only movie nominated for Best Picture that I've seen is Sideways. I enjoyed that movie, but I really, really doubt that it will win. I've seen some of the movies nominated for other awards - like Lemony Snicket; Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban; The Incredibles; and Spiderman 2. I wanted to go see The Aviator, Hotel Rwanda, and Ray, but I haven't done so yet. Million Dollar Baby I'm not so interested in seeing though it seems like Hillary Swank will win again (a friend of mine from college went to high school with her, and she didn't seem to like her very much - she might have been just jealous though since she's also an actress).

Anyway, it's about time for them to start, I think. So until next time!

Friday, February 25, 2005

A Cat Story

So while writing the last post, I was reminded of a little story on how we got our cute little cats. Last year, my husband and I finally decided to see a specialist about getting pregnant. One day I went to the doctor, and I felt as if she was telling me that my only hope of getting pregnant was through IVF. I can't afford it - there's just no way I could afford that. I have to pay off my law school debt, I have a mortgage, I have a car payment. I know some may think, well, you just have to be frugal and put away as much as you can each month. That if I really wanted a baby that I would save and save and save. But it's just not that easy. I want to try IUI a couple more times, and if that doesn't work, or if getting pregnant naturally doesn't work, then I think our next step would be to consider adoption. I almost feel like we should be taking steps to do that now since the wait list can be so long.

Anyway, I digress. That day after hearing what the doctor was telling me caused me to become really depressed. I cried out of the office, to my car, all the way home - in rush hour traffic nonetheless. I just wanted to get home and just hide. When I finally got home, my husband said the usual things like "how was your day?" or "what do you want for dinner?" - things like that. I just said "whatever" and headed straight for our bedroom and curled up on the bed with the covers on top of me. From the moment I walked in the door, he sensed something was wrong, and he came to ask me. I told him all about what the doctor said - or at least, what I felt she said. I still haven't clarified what she was telling me. I seriously didn't want to get up and do anything. And I think ever since then and especially after the first IUI failed, I really haven't wanted to do anything. I try to get myself thinking of other things - like, I need to finish all these books that I bought at the library book sale before the next one comes around - but doing things just doesn't sound interesting anymore. I don't really want to go out with my friends a lot of the time - I do though just because I feel like I shouldn't stay at home all the time and I do like my friends and I like being around them - and I care what's happening with them.

I digressed again. A couple days later, my husband says to me, "you remember that episode of King of the Hill when Hank says to Peggy, 'if it will make you happy, we can get a cat (or dog).'" I said, "yes." And he said, "well, let's get a cat." I was so excited - my husband, ever since I've known him, he has said that hates pets and that he will never get a pet - and now, he was letting me get a cat. That weekend (a couple days later), we went out with a few friends to find the newest member of our family. We came across the cutest and most hyper kitten I have ever seen. He was doing backflips in the cage they had him in. And when we held him, he purred so loud. My husband, after seeing backflips, knew this was our kitty. So that day, we brought home an 8-week-old kitten named Oliver. He has been so wonderful. He is now 10 1/2 months old. I am so happy that my husband changed his mind - and he is too. He loves Oliver and Oliver loves him.

And then back in December, I finally convinced my husband that Oliver needed a friend to keep him from getting lonely. So on New Year's Eve, we looked around and found the cutest little fluffball at Purrfect Pals in Arlington, WA. They had named her Renoir, but we changed her named to Sophie. She is now 8 months old.

At first, the two didn't get along, but they now they love to snuggle with each other and they like to play with each other. They are both fixed so there won't be any little Sophies and Olivers running around - though I think that would be really adorable.

I love both of my kitties, and I love my husband for finally o.k.'ing the idea of having a cat. Now he can't imagine being without them. And they have made me happy too which makes my husband happy. Although we both really, really want to have a child, and we hope every month, that this is the month I finally get pregnant. Is it sad for me to think that this month might actually be that month? I really hope so.

Baby Talk

It seemed like everywhere I went there was talk about babies. First, my sister in law told us she was pregnant with their 2nd child. Then my friend and his wife e-mailed me and my group of friends to tells us news about their newborn baby - a big guy at 10 pounds 7 ounces. Later, I went to the restroom at work, and a coworker was talking about her first ultrasound in just 2 hours and 15 minutes. Then just moments later, another coworker walks by to say that the baby's heart was beating fast, but the baby was still healthy. She's due in 3 weeks. Then I got home, turned on the tv after feeding the cats, to get ready to do some cardio and the VERY first thing the news anchor said was "Are you expecting a baby?"

What the hell?!?!?!? A coworker of mine said that I probably just noticed it more because I've been wanting to have a baby for so long. I suppose that's true, but seriously, all in the span of 24 hours!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

First Post

Welcome to my blog! It's my first post, so I'll start with introducing myself. I live in Seattle, WA, and I've been trying to get pregnant for past three years. I'm 31, and I've been married to my husband for 6 1/2 years now. I've had an HSG done, a laparoscopy done and one IUI. The IUI was done back in November, and it obviously failed. I haven't been able to bring myself back to the doctor's office for another IUI. Part of me is just scared to be disappointed again after spending all that money. Part of me is just hoping, as always, that I'll get pregnant on my own.

The laparoscopy showed that my right tube is blocked, so I'm basically just working with one fallopian tube. Other than that, everything looked great, so the doctor said.

Lately, things have been really tough for me emotionally. A friend of mine and his wife just welcomed their first child into the world. The day before that, my sister-in-law told me that she's pregnant with their 2nd child. And I have coworker that's very close to her due date. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I even had a coworker's psychic friend say that she doesn't see a baby in the near future, but keep trying! I'm out to prove her wrong.

I'm tired of everyone telling me to relax or that I'm still young, so it will happen. I'm wondering how I got such a screwed up body when my sister has gotten pregnant just by thinking about it - and now she has 4 kids - and she's younger than me. I'm starting to wonder if my teenage brothers will have kids before I do. My mom said to me once that maybe I waited too long to have kids - is that really something that I need to hear?

I have friends who try to understand, but none of them seem to want children of their own or they already do have children of their own, so how can they really understand what I'm going through?

Anyway, that's all for now....