Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

just blogging

The transition to work has been mostly smooth, but I think of my babies often during the day and wonder what they are doing at that particular moment with their papa. I miss them so much during the day. I went to go watch one of the youtube videos I made, but apparently, that site is blocked at my work. I guess I’ll just stare at their pictures.

This morning, Benjamin was awake so I got to hold him and say goodbye to him and tell him I love him. He is such a cutie. He talked a lot this morning, but not to me – he talked to his papa mostly. Ella is more of the talker though – she seems to be a rather social little girl. She was asleep this morning when I left so I quietly said goodbye to her and told her I loved her. She made little squeaky noises in response, but went right back to sleep. They are such adorable babies.

I miss being with them each day. Each day I come home, they give me a big smile to say hi. It just makes me so happy. I’m looking forward to this day being over so I can go home to be with them and see those big smiles.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

1st day back to work

My first day back at work was pretty good. The first couple hours were about going through the several hundred e-mails that I had. Then after that, my replacement was here to go through the stuff he worked on while I was gone and what things were still open. We’re still not done doing that as I needed to take a breast pump break, then after that my department threw a surprise “welcome back” potluck for me, then my replacement had to leave to go to class (he’s a 3L at a local law school). It was so incredibly sweet of them to throw me this party. We sat around and talked for about 2 ½ hours about babies, children and a bunch of other stuff. After that, it was time to actually do some work.

I was so excited to see my babies after the longest day we’ve been away from each other. I was annoyed at the traffic on I-5 – I just wanted to get home. It seemed as if the babies were happy to see me. Jon said that they didn’t talk much during the day (except for the “talking” (a.k.a. screaming) they did for food), but when I came home, Ella & Benjamin had a lot to say. It was so cute!!! Ella especially had a lot to tell me. It seemed they had a good day with their papa. Read all about it here.

Today’s workday has actually gone by rather quickly so far. I have a bunch to do so that’s no surprise. I’m looking forward to seeing my sweeties. Both babies were starting to wake up a bit when I left (at least, it seemed so to me) so they might have noticed I left this morning as opposed to yesterday when they were still asleep when I left. Today, since we have only one car, I took the bus to Northgate to meet my vanpool so Jon could have the car in case he wants to go somewhere with the babies. A guy in my vanpool said he could pick me up and take me home if he is the vanpool that day, so that will be nice though he isn’t in the vanpool that much.

Other than being away from my sweeties (though the break is nice though I wish I didn’t have to be so long), the only other hard part is pumping at work. I pumped in the “privacy” room yesterday morning and someone almost walked in on me because the door won’t lock properly so later that afternoon, I went upstairs to the 3rd floor bathroom that has a stall with an outlet in it – that work much better and I used it again this morning. It does feel really awkward to go carrying around the breast pump when my coworkers know exactly what I’m doing. Oh well – it’s important to the babies and to me to try to make it 6 months so the babies can have breast milk for at least that long.

I should go back to work now, but before I end my lunch break I have a quick question. What exactly does one need to do to stimulate babies? According to one reader (a reader I thought I had gone away, but unfortunately, she had not), I’m not doing enough to stimulate them – I’m trying to figure out how she knows what’s going on in my house when I’m with them. I sing to them; I play with them with their toys; I talk to them; I smile at them; I stick out my tongue and they mimic me; we go on walks around the neighborhood and to Greenlake; we play music (of all sorts); they play on their play mats on their backs and on their tummies; etc. – what else am I supposed to do?

Anyway, back to work. Lunch break is over.

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Sunday, September 23, 2007

Return to Work Eve

It's the eve of my return to work. Will I remember how to do it? I think the only thing I may have some issues with is trying to remember how to use certain programs that I use and well, getting back into the swing of things too. It's been 4 1/2 months since I was at work to actually work and not bring the babies for a visit. I suppose another issue I have is that I'm anxious about pumping at work.

I just can't believe it's time to go back already - where does the time go? On the other hand, it feels like forever since I've been there and I am mostly ready to go back. I wish I could work part-time - I'm going to miss my babies while at the same time, enjoying the ability to eat my food at a slow pace and not stand for hours on end because a baby or two won't let me sit down.

Well, enough about that. Some cute little stories - Benjamin is such a boy - he finds farting and burping funny. He laughed when he does those sometimes.

Both babies like to stick our their tongues - Benjamin finds it amusing when I stick out my tongue back at him.

Ella loves to go outside for a walk - she just looks all around and is in awe of everything. So cute! Benjamin immediately falls asleep when we go outside and maybe briefly looks around at his surroundings. On our walk tonight, we got stopped by a woman who wanted to look at our twins and she said that she just adopted a baby from Guatemala (baby is 14 months old, I think she said). She said that she had some rice cereal that she doesn't need and asked if we wanted it, so we said sure. This woman's yard had a little playground set and I told Jon we should become friends so our babies can play on that playground set - oh and they had a treehouse too. She mentioned that there are a lot of girls in the neighborhood, but not many boys so I guess Benjamin will have a lot of girls to flirt with!

As for how the babies are doing sleep wise - Benjamin is still waking up once or twice each night while Ella just sleeps the entire night - about 11 hours she sleeps. I wish we could figure out a way to get Benjamin to realize it's o.k. to sleep that long. We got one of those Swaddle Me blankets from someone and tried it out on Ella since Benjamin is too big for this one and she likes it, so we got one for Benjamin (we were putting him in a sleep sack blanket) to see if that might help. I'm a little nervous about still swaddling them so I hope it won't be too hard to wean them off that.

And I feel like a bad mother right now - tonight, when we were giving the babies a bath, Jon noticed that Benjamin had somehow gotten some hair wrapped around his middle toe on one of his feet. The hair was wrapped so tight around his toe that the toe was all red and puffy. He didn't enjoy getting the hair cut off of him at all. I feel like such a bad mom for not noticing before now and that his toe looks so bad. I hope his toe is o.k.! :-(

Well, that's all for now. Time to get stuff ready for tomorrow so I'm not rushing to get out the door tomorrow. It makes me a bit sad that my babies might not be awake by the time I have to leave. It's going to be hard to away from them that long - if only I could work a half day but unfortunately, I used up a good amount of my vacation with first trying to have the babies and then with my maternity leave. The rest I need to save for Christmas.

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Saturday, September 22, 2007

Taken early July

Taken early July
Originally uploaded by heathercim
OMG - they're so tiny!

I just had to share this picture - I had a memory card that went bad somehow and thankfully, some pictures were able to be recovered like this one. Sadly, some good ones were lost too including the one picture I had of me at my Seattle baby shower and I think the ones at my Spokan baby shower as I don't seem to have them on my computer.

I went to a sale today with one of the multiples groups I belong to (the other one I belong to has their sale next weekend) and I got some clothes for the babies and another Bjorn and some bottles. I needed to get a high chair but forgot to take the stroller out of the trunk of the car, so I had no room - I hope they have some good ones at next week's sale.

Yesterday, I went over to a friend's house to visit her and her two kids. I had a nice time even with Ella screaming a good amount of the time. Benjamin slept the entire time I was there.

Well, that's all for now. I just want to check a couple blogs to see if babies have arrived, then I'm off to do some laundry and other housework to prepare for my return to work.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Yesterday, I went to a CLE and it was so incredibly boring. I wanted to fall asleep so badly. I thought of my babies the whole time - that and sleep. I wonder how I'm going to be when I go back to work in a few short days. Not looking forward to it though I'm ready in a lot of ways to go back. The CLE was at the Seattle Center and it's weird to walk through the Center when it's so empty - I think I've only been there when there is some sort of festival going on.

After the CLE, Jon and I went to go visit the day care where our babies will go starting November 1. I so wish I could pay someone I know to watch the babies rather than a stranger but I suppose we'll get to know this person better. She said that she had tried calling us but our number was disconnected...oops - I forgot that she didn't have our cell phone #s but only our home number which we don't have anymore.

Then last night came the night where Benjamin just fussed pretty much the entire night and we have no idea why. We changed him, fed him, clothed him appropriately, but he still fussed. He refused to sleep. He didn't get much sleep last night and neither did we. And last night was our first night of putting the babies into the cribs - Benjamin never made it to the crib. Ella slept in there 'til 1:30 - not very long for her sleeping at night but pretty long for her to sleep in the crib!
Hopefully, tonight will go a little (or a lot) better.

Today, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law came to watch the babies for me for 6 hours. I went and got some more A*vent bottles as we're going to switch the babies over to those bottles exclusively. I was using the Med*ela ones for feeding breast milk, but Benjamin doesn't seem to want to eat from those so we're going to use the A*vent ones. More bottles to clean, but oh well. I also got to have lunch with my husband and go to a 90 minute massage - they are never long enough! It was so nice of them to do this. I did think of my babies often though! After the massage, I picked up some pictures I ordered of the babies to put into their baby books. I still have some to order but since Benjamin was so fussy last night, I didn't get to order all that I wanted to and I messed up on the order and ordered the wrong picture of the four of us to send out in my thank you cards to the hospital nurses and the fertility clinic. Oh well - it's a picture of the four of us, so it will do.

Well, I think I just heard Ella, so I should go check on her. I think she napped a total of 20 minutes that time. Yesterday, she did nap for 2 hours in her crib - that's the kind of nap I wish she would take every day! O.K. off to check on babies!

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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Heading out on a walk

Heading out on a walk
Originally uploaded by heathercim
Another cute picture!

Smiling Ella (09/13/07)

Smiling Ella (09/13/07)
Originally uploaded by heathercim
So cute! she is smiling at the fish...I think.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Sticking to a routine

One year ago yesterday, we started the IVF process with me taking birth control pills. It's funny that the IVF process starts that way. I'm so glad that we did IVF - I ended up with two wonderful babies!

This weekend's lesson - stepping away from what little routine that me and the babies have creates a bit of chaos. Saturday afternoon, my mom and brother come over from Spokane. We usually feed the babies their nighttime feedings in the bedroom (and when I'm alone, I feed them in there too during the day) and I think they just know it is time for bed after that. They've been sleeping good number of hours - Ella more so - and they usually go to bed somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30. Well, Saturday, they wouldn't go to bed then and didn't go to bed until after 10. They slept o.k. once they finally settled down. Then yesterday, I had some friends over to celebrate my b-day (was supposed to be a bbq, but with the weather, I got some pizzas). The babies didn't really sleep too well in their bed while people were here (they slept a lot in people's arms) and then when they went to bed for the night, Benjamin woke up twice during the night (at midnight and 3) and Ella woke at 4, then again a short time later (lately, Benjamin's been waking up once and Ella sleeps up until 5 or 6). I liked having everyone here and would like to have everyone over again, so Jon and I need to figure out how to keep to a routine with people here. Oh, and we're starting to move the babies to their cribs at night - I'm sure that won't help out with their sleeping at night so much...we'll see though.

They've been o.k. on their napping today, thankfully. So, anyway, having children has made me realize that those people who always needed to stick to a schedule with their children and I always wondered if they had to be so strict about it, I understand now. Although we don't have a schedule really, but we do have a routine and I think I should try to stick to it as much as possible or cranky kids will be coming!

On the positive side of things, I had a good time at my party. Thanks to everyone for coming and to Ally for making the cake!

As for presents, my parents gave me the soundtrack to the 3rd season of Grey's Anatomy so I finally have that song they played on the last scene of the last episode. My sister gave me Popeye - I haven't seen that movie in forever! And Jon's mom gave me a free day to do whatever I want. She and my sister-in-law are coming up on Wednesday to watch the babies, so I scheduled my 90 minute massage (so looking forward to that) and I hope to also get a haircut that day too, but we'll see if the timing works out - I need to call tomorrow for an appointment. Tomorrow, I'll have some free time, but to go to a CLE in the morning - woo hoo (sarcasm).

Well, that's all for now.

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Friday, September 14, 2007

Breast Pump

So I take it back - the new pump I'm using is worse than the one I rented. It seems like it takes twice as long to get the same amount I was getting before and I really don't have that kind of time to pump with two babies to watch. And I won't have that much time to do much pumping at work either.

Right now, the babies are sleeping. Ella fell asleep in the swing so I'm letting her sleep there. It allowed me to walk around with Benjamin until he fell asleep. In about 45 minutes, I need to get them up to get ready for our tea get-together over in West Seattle. Unfortunately, the timing isn't the best as they'll want to eat somewhere around the time we should leave or when we arrive at our party. Benjamin more so as he only wanted 70 ml this morning and he usually drinks around 180.

O.K. I wrote the above before I left for the tea, but one of the babies woke up so I wasn't able to finish. The tea was fun though at one point, I had two fussy babies, including Ella who was screaming about something. I checked all the usual things, but I have no idea what she was fussing about. I left a bit early from everyone else - they were about to go on a walk, but Ella was just too fussy so I came back home and just in time as they were both hungry just as soon as I walked into the door.

Well, anyway, off to get some dinner. :-D

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Quick Post

Just wanted to write something quick while the babies sleep - they will probably wake back up again soon for some food. This morning, Benjamin was laying next to me sleeping and he started to laugh in his sleep. That is just so incredibly cute. Then they were both awake and we were having little conversations and I'm sure they were trying to sing me Happy Birthday. ;-D

On another topic, I've started to use a new breast pump that was given to me and I wish I had started to use it sooner - it works just as well as the hospital one that I returned yesterday and this new one is free to use. Oh well. I wonder how pumping will go once I return to work - I'm going to try to pump before I leave for work, again at lunch, then again when I get home, but we'll see how it goes. I want to try to pump/breastfeed until the babies are 6 months, but we'll see.

Well, that's about it for now. I do still want to write those letters but I need to finish my breakfast and the dishes need to be done before babies wake up.

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Wednesday, September 12, 2007

3 months for babies...34 for me

Today, the babies turned 3 months! And tomorrow, I turn 34. I hope the babies give me a nice birthday present tomorrow - a nice mellow day would be nice. Today, was just challenging. We didn't end up going to the day care. I'm going to go next week with Jon and then possibly another day on my own or with Jon's mom. The next couple days, I already have plans so I can't go this week. Tomorrow, is just a walk around Greenlake with a support group friend but I can only handle one outing in a day with the babies (and I think that's all they can handle too). On Friday, we're going to a childbirth class friend's house for a tea get-together.

Anyway, the babies just seemed all sorts of cranky today. I never did get around to taking their picture for their baby book - oh well, 3 months and one day pictures will work just fine. We did end up going on a walk around our neighborhood and then we went to drop off the rental breast pump at a place over by Ballard High School. We got back and apparently, that was just too much because they were really cranky after that. I don't think I sat down for 3 hours as I was holding at least one baby the entire time and I had to stand - sitting wasn't o.k.. My back is in desperate need of the massage that I still need to make an appointment for.

On the plus side, last night, Ella slept from about 9 p.m. to 6 a.m.!!!! Benjamin woke up somewhere around 3 or 4 for a feeding - so just the one time! I like those kind of nights! I need more of those - I'm so exhausted.

As you can see from the videos, the babies are talking away. So cute!!! One of these days, I'll get a video of them smiling up at me - those smiles just melt your heart!

In other news, this past weekend, we went to a dinner at a support group friend's house for a support group reunion. It was so wonderful to see all of these ladies at the same time and with their hubbies and babies. We got a picture of all of us holding our babies - and surprisingly enough, Benjamin was fussy and each picture pretty much shows him crying so hard. Poor little guy! Once the pictures were done, he quieted down - perhaps he wasn't in the mood for picture time.

I miss these ladies so much - I hope that we are able to get together on a more regular basis than what we have been, but with babies and going back to work, that may be a little hard. I go back to work on the 24th and I'm starting to have work anxiety dreams and day care anxiety dreams. My work dream consisted of me not remembering how to do my job even though it's only been a little over 4 months. My day care dream consisted of me not trusting that the day care person knew how to take care of my babies. Part of me wishes I could stay home with them, but I am really ready to go back to work. I'd love it if I could just go back to work part time, but that just isn't a possibility for many different reasons.

Well, that's all for now. I was going to write a letter to each baby each month (got the idea from a fellow blogger) , but not tonight. Hopefully, I'll have time to do that tomorrow. I doubt I will though. :-(


And another one...

O.K. I'm really going now...maybe...they're sleeping right now - I hate to wake a sleeping baby!


Baby Video

Here's another video...I have plenty to write about, but I need to go get the babies ready to go visit the day care. I had a day care anxiety dream the other night - I'm not looking forward to someone I barely know taking care of my babies. I also had a work anxiety dream - I'm ready to go back while at the same time, I'm not. Anyway, more later... (btw, they are 3 months today)!!!


Saturday, September 08, 2007

Another video...


Smiling babies!

The best pictures I could get of them smiling! They do smile bigger than this...

More pictures on flickr (see link on the side) and soon, I'll post more videos now that I know how to do that!


Video of babies!!!

My first attempt at uploading a video to you tube...


Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Babies at 12 weeks!

Baby news: Both babies have been sleeping longer periods of time. Ella actually went 8 hours in between feeds! Benjamin's longest stretch has been 6. Even then, when he did wake up, he didn't eat much - he just wanted a little snack, I guess.

Yesterday, Ella wanted to have a conversation with Benjamin and he just wasn't doing his part. He would look at her, but that was about it. He did talk to me though. Well, today, we were sitting outside (the babies, Jon's mom and myself) and Ella started a conversation and this time, Benjamin smiled back at her - almost laughing. Perhaps she said something rather amusing. It was SO very cute - I wish I had been able to record it to show Jon - just too adorable.

They are now 12 weeks old! I can't believe how old they are now. Benjamin is well out of the 0-3 month clothing, but Ella can still fit into it just fine. I wonder how much longer that will last. Oh, and before I forget, it kinda seems as if Ella is teething. She has a couple little white bumps in her gums - that could explain her crankiness lately. I wasn't expecting her or Benjamin to be teething until at least 6 months but according to our dentist (who tortured Jon this afternoon and will be torturing me next week), they can start this early. Lovely.

In other news: We've had some car trouble lately. I was out shopping when the car didn't want to start. Luckily, I had run into a support group friend and she, with the help of some random guy, jump started my car. Today, we had to have our insurance company send someone over to jump start our car again so Jon could drive it to get fixed. Our battery was bad so it is now a brand new battery. For some reason, I thought it would be longer down the road before we would need a brand new battery (we got the car November 2003).

Well, that's it from here. I need to go to bed even though I had quite the nap this morning. I love it when I have a helper - I can actually get a nap in.

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