Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

The Baby Trail

"The Baby Trail" by Sinead Moriarty was an o.k. book. I felt at times that the author didn't know what she was talking about, then at other times, she knew exactly what she was talking about. At times, it made me laugh, and other times, it made me cry (and I think this is only because I'm going through infertility as well). Though I have to point out, in case anyone ever reads this, the main character in this book went way overboard than I ever have in trying to get pregnant, but I can certainly understand her desperation.



No, not the tv show (though I do like that show). I'm feeling a bit lost lately. I don't know what direction to take my life to. Should I go for another IUI? Should I try acupuncture and Chinese herbs? Or both? Should I just let nature take its course? Should we look into adoption? I wish I knew which step God wants me to go in. I just feel so lost - I wish someone would just tell me what to do. The other day I felt like God was telling me that I will be a mother; that it will happen. I just wish I knew when - and will the children be my own or will I be adopting?

It is just so frustrating. I know that we aren't meant to know the future, but I just wish someone would tell me what I needed to do in the present to have the sort of future I've always dreamed for myself and my husband.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Infertility Books

A while back, I wrote a post about how I felt about not succeeding once again in trying to get pregnant. This post got me to thinking of what books are out there regarding infertility - specifically, books about infertility and faith and books that had infertile characters.

I found 2 novels with infertile characters - The Baby Trail by Sinead Moriarty (of which I'm just starting to read now) and Inconceivable by Ben Elton (which still hasn't been delivered yet and won't until August). I looked at a few bookstores and none of them had either of these books, so I ordered them from Amazon along with the 2 books below while using my new Amazon credit card which allowed me $30 off my first purchase!

Anyway, I found several books discussing infertility and faith, but I ended up purchasing Empty Womb, Aching Heart by Marlo Schalesky (of which I just finished reading). I also purchased a book called The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis.

The rest of this entry is about my thoughts on "Empty Womb, Aching Heart".

So many of the stories sounded so similar to my own in that I had the same thoughts as many of the women who shared their stories in this book. The only story that I was not comfortable with is the one where one of the women became mom to two women who felt that they had to leave a "lesbian lifestyle" in order to be loved by God. I just don't agree with that.

Anyway, I had a lot of the same thoughts that these women and/or men had, like maybe we started trying too late; why do certain people get to have multiple children and I can't seem to have one?; why do people who will neglect their children get to have children?; what did I do to deserve this?; I'm not a "real" woman if I can't have kids; there are pregnant women everywhere!; maybe God knows I'll be a bad mother; perhaps my husband should go find someone else who is fertile to give him a child; and why give me the desire to have children if I am just going to be denied that gift? So many of these have been my own thoughts at some point or another in the past 3 1/2 years since we started trying.

Although it has been a while since I've gone to the specialist, I, like so many women I read about in this book and online, are just so tired of it all - the temperature charts, the diagnostic tests (HSG & Laparoscopy); the fertility drugs; IUI, and most of all, the emotional rollercoaster, that I think I, like the women in this book, will gradually come to believe that it will happen when it is meant to happen - if it even happens at all - though it will still be hard at times, as I think it should.

It really helps to read stories like these to help me get to that place - it was a good book purchase for me.


Wednesday, July 20, 2005


So to catch up on my last post - I didn't find the books I was looking for. I finally ordered them off of amazon. After I finished reading the new Harry Potter, I started to read "Empty Womb, Aching Heart". This book has brought me to the verge of tears because the stories are so similar to my own. I'll try to post more about this later once I've finished all of the stories, but I'll tell you now that if you are going through infertility and you have faith in God, then this book is a very worthwhile read.

Until next time.


Friday, July 08, 2005

Novels & Infertility

I've been looking around for a novel that features a woman who has been going through infertility. So far, the only book I've found is The Baby Trail by Sinead Moriarty. I plan to go to Barnes & Noble tonight to see if I can get it, along with a book called Empty Womb, Aching Heart by Marlo Schalesky.

If there is anyone reading this blog that may know of any others, please let me know. I'm currently reading a book called Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner. This book doesn't feature a character suffering from infertility, but one of the characters has lost a child. It has been a bit hard to read this book reading about fictional women being pregnant, but I still like the book. Soon, I should be done reading it, and I wanted to read a book about a character suffering through infertility next. Someone who is going through the same things that I am.