Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Long Post About Many Different Things

Thankfully, the progesterone arrived today. It was supposed to come yesterday, but apparently, FedEx was closed here yesterday. I told a guy in the mail room to call me as soon as he received it, and he did. So happy it came today. I called the nurse just in case to find out what to do, and she just said to take as much as I could and take the rest when the drugs arrived. Thankfully, I don't have to do that.

I guess not a lot of people were in the office yesterday - not that surprising. The roads around my office are just awful - just as bad, if not worse, than the roads around my house. This is including the main roads too and I-90 near Issaquah. I met my vanpool people this morning and things were actually going smoothly once we got onto the freeway until we got close to Issaquah, then people were sliding a bit and coming almost to a complete stop. The road that we turn on to get to my office - just completely covered in ice. It was bad. We're expecting more snow tonight too - hopefully, not a recreation of what happened Monday night when some friends took somewhere between 4-6 hours to get home (and they weren't going too far either).

Oh, and on a sweet note. A coworker of mine who used to hold the position I also used to hold (that probably is confusing) before we both were promoted apparently came by yesterday when I wasn't here to tell me congratulations. I'm not sure who he heard the news from - I only thought maybe 3 people up on the 3rd floor (the legal department is all split up) knew the news - but he heard that we are pregnant and expecting twins. Anyway, the sweet thing is that I e-mailed him this morning when I found out he was down here yesterday and he said he wanted to congratulate us on the great news and to give me a big hug. He said that he is very excited for us. I kinda hinted a while back with him that we were having problems and seeking medical help - that was maybe 2 years ago - I haven't talked to him about it since. Anyway, it was sweet.

As for pregnancy symptoms, I'm feeling some serious nausea lately. Yesterday morning, I was just innocently brushing my teeth when I started to gag and well, that gagging led to vomiting. Yuck. I hate to brush my teeth these days. I really hate to floss them. And the nausea stays with me all day long. It is a weird feeling to feel hungry and nauseous all at the same time - just like I feel extremely tired, then wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep.

That's all for today.

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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Stupid weather

Because of the icy conditions in the area, I stayed home from work per the state patrol's suggestion. After seeing the news, it looked like a good idea. However, they showed the news later, and I think I could have made it to work, but it really wasn't worth the risk. However, I HAVE to go in tomorrow. I wish I would have known that I was going to be at home all day, I would have had the pharmacy ship the PIO and needles to my home instead of my work. And I NEED the drug and the needles for Thursday, so I have to make the trek into work tomorrow. Would it be bad if I missed a day of the progesterone?

One of the ladies in my vanpool said that they are going to go into work from 7 to 3:30, so I have to be at the transit center by 6:15 if I would like to join them. Yuck! This means doing the PIO shot even earlier than we normally do. Hopefully, that won't be an issue. I told her that since I have no desire to drive myself to work tomorrow especially since they say more icky weather is on its way. I really don't like this type of weather - I really think I need to move somewhere where it never snows and never gets icy.

My husband braved the elements today and went into work via the bus. He got in quite a bit later than normal and well, he's not home yet and usually, he's home by now. Luckily, the college he's taking classes at cancelled classes for tonight, so he's coming home. He didn't go to classes last night either, of which I was grateful for - I really didn't want him driving in the mess I had just come home from.

I'm sure that people in other parts of the world are laughing at people in Seattle not being able to drive in this mess. We're just not used to snow and icy conditions. It's actually more the ice that I'm nervous about than the snow.

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Monday, November 27, 2006

And the verdict is...



Sorry to keep everyone waiting in suspense. We got home around 3, made a couple calls, went over to a friend's house as I told her I would, and because of the stupid snow, I am just now getting back home. I was in traffic for about 40 minutes and my friend was only 2 miles away!!!

Anyway, back to the important information...both babies are doing well. They are at the appropriate sizes they should be at right now. One's heartbeat was at 122 and the other was at 130. It was so incredibly amazing to see that little flutter of a heartbeat...then later, the other heartbeat. I seriously came so close to crying seeing that beautiful sight - thinking about it now makes me tear up. At first, they thought it was just one, but one of those babies was playing a bit of hide and seek with us! The nurse said to us, "I thought it couldn't be just one with those high betas!"

I have pictures, but I will need to go to a friend's house to scan them along with the picture we got at transfer as I don't have a scanner.


Less than 4 hours away

In less than 4 hours, Jon and I will be at the clinic for our ultrasound appointment. I'm really, really anxious. I hope and pray that everything goes well today.

At this moment, my sister is at her mammogram appointment. I hope and pray that everything goes well there too.

After my last post from yesterday, we got quite a bit more of snow. We got maybe around 2 inches. It started to snow again around 2 p.m. around the time my in-laws came over to take us out to an early dinner. The drive up to Lynnwood was an interesting one. It was a good dinner. For some reason, the main lights for the restaurant went off, but not the Christmas lights hung around the room. I was able to eat something without feeling too icky, but once we left the restaurant, I did start to feel a little queasy.

I really wish it was time go already.

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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Things are better now

Thanks everyone for your concern - it's nice to know that there are people out there who care about you.

No spotting has happened since the spotting yesterday morning. I hope and pray that the spotting stays away. I've had a bit of cramping, but not as much as yesterday morning. We have our ultrasound tomorrow afternoon at 2 - I'm not sure how much work I'll be doing tomorrow as I'll be anxiously awaiting the time to go pick up Jon and head to the clinic. I want it to be tomorrow already. I don't care about wishing away my weekend anymore (maybe because it is almost over anyway).

This afternoon, Jon's parents are coming up to take us to a late lunch/early dinner. I think we are going to Buca di Beppo's up in Lynnwood. That will be nice. I haven't had too much morning sickness - not since Friday anyway - so maybe I'll actually be able to eat the food that we order today.

Oh, we actually got some snow in Seattle. It's gone now and just raining, but it was very pretty this morning when Jon and I got up at 7 to do the shot and we saw those big snowflakes coming down and blanketing our deck.

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Saturday, November 25, 2006

Just Freaking Out

I woke up this morning around 9 (after the shot at 7) and went to the bathroom. There was some brownish spotting. I freaked out because not only did I have spotting, I was cramping a little bit. I told my husband and we both looked through the books I have together to see what could be causing it. There are many different reasons - both good and bad. Luckily, when I went to the bathroom a moment ago, there was no spotting, but still a bit of cramping. I told myself that if the spotting happens again, I'll call the clinic. Otherwise, I'll wait until Monday when I'm scheduled for my ultrasound. I hope everything is o.k. in there - I would really hate to get this far, then lose everything and have to start all over again.


Friday, November 24, 2006

Thanksgiving 2006

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

I'm here at work rather than enjoying a nice day off.

Yesterday's Thanksgiving was a good one, I thought, except for the drive to our destination. It was POURING the whole way to Renton. Thankfully, the way back home was much nicer weather-wise.

This year, the men were outside frying a turkey (which was quite tasty, I thought) while the women were inside doing other things. We had quite a bit of food (we even brought some home with us). It was quite good, but, unfortunately, I was starting to feel a little queasy while eating so I didn't get to eat too much (which I guess is a good thing). After eating, we played a quick game of Apples to Apples before Jon and I headed back home.

This morning, starting at a little before 1 a.m., I was really feeling nauseous. I slept on and off throughout the morning until the alarm went off at 6. Each time feeling worse nausea-wise. I really should have gone to get some crackers or something in my tummy, but I didn't. When the alarm went off, I told Jon how I was feeling and he was a nice husband and got me some crackers. I ate a couple until I felt o.k. enough for the PIO shot.

Then after a while, I got up to get ready to go to work...taking my time since I knew traffic wouldn't be too bad. It turns out, I could have stayed at home another 10 minutes or so as I got to work early despite leaving much later than I normally do. I get into work still feeling kinda blech, but much better than earlier in the day.

Then a coworker of mine says that she has a google blog alert set up to show whenever someone blogs about our employer, and guess what, she found my other blog. She told me she didn't read it, and I told her that I didn't say anything bad about the company. I was just complaining about the traffic situation on Wednesday. I was just a tad embarrassed.

Anyway, at lunch today, we are having a little potluck that a couple of us thought of doing. Everyone said that they thought this was a good idea, so maybe we'll do this again next year when we all have to come into work the day after Thanksgiving. However, once again, after eating just a little bit, my tummy got really upset with me. I just cannot win - it's either I've eaten too much (which I don't think I've done) or not enough. I guess this comes with the territory.

Only 3 more days until the ultrasound. I cannot wait! I don't want to wish my weekend away, but I really want to know how many are in there and if we hear a heartbeat (or two).

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I Want A Nap So Badly

I am having the hardest time staying awake today at work. I just want to go home and take a big long nap. And it’s only 10:50 a.m.. I really, really hope that my employer lets us leave early today because I don’t know if I can make it until 4:30.

After work, I need to go to the library. I wasn’t able to take this DVD back to the library last night (I watched Pride & Prejudice the other night – the new version – it was alright – not as good as the BBC version with Colin Firth), so I need to go tonight since it’s due today. Plus, there is a Snow Patrol CD on hold for me that I wanted to pick up and listen to on the way to and from work today – I guess I’ll listen to it on the way to and from work on Friday (or maybe to our Thanksgiving dinner destination if my husband will agree to listen to it).

I’ve had a bit of nausea this morning, but not too bad. To answer my mom’s comment in my last post, I usually feel alright in the morning, but today officially marks 6 weeks, so maybe I’ll start feeling it more in the morning and all day long. That’s when vanpool girl said she started to feel some morning sickness.

Well, I hope Nickie gets some great news at her ultrasound today! I’m looking forward to hearing the news. I can’t wait until the 27th either so Alli and I can go in for our ultrasounds! Only 5 more days!

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Lesson Learned

I learned a lesson today – do not let your tummy become empty because it will make you feel like crap and you will desperately want to throw up. I was planning to go to lunch at my normal time – around noon – but this guy called me about some work issue and we were on the phone for around ½ hour. Toward the end of the conversation, I really felt queasy and did not want to eat anything at all. I went to our deli to try to find something that I thought my tummy could handle – something bland – and came across my current favorite food from the deli – the baked potato. That pesto pasta smelled really good, but I just wasn’t sure about that. Of course, that is what one of my coworkers got and I sat across from her eyeing it as she ate it – maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad to get that after all.

After eating, I felt a little better, but not quite fully better. I went and got a chocolate chip cookie – I really need to make my own at home – they are so good when they first come out of the oven with the chocolate melting. The chocolate chip cookie was good. I feel better now. I will try to make sure my tummy has something in it at all times.

I guess my last support group meeting has been cancelled for tonight due to illnesses and company being over for the holiday, so hopefully, they will let me come to next week’s meeting for my “graduation”. I will miss meeting with those ladies every Tuesday night.

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Monday, November 20, 2006

Ho hum...

Yuck. The weekend ends. Those weekends are always so short.

It may be only a 4-day work week for me (we have Thanksgiving off, but my company doesn’t believe in allowing time off in November except for weekends and Thanksgiving Day), but it still is going to seem like the longest week ever. Another gripe I have about my company, open enrollment for insurance ends on the 21st and well, I’ve been debating about setting up a Flexible Spending Account (FSA) or not. I would have like to have known the results of the ultrasound before I went ahead and signed up with a FSA. Oh well – I hope I use that money up (or I lose it).

I’m anxious about the ultrasound coming up on Monday, the 27th (those pains I mentioned last week, I haven't had any since, so I haven't rescheduled my ultrasound for earlier). Most of the time, I don’t feel like much as changed about me. I’ll have breast soreness, usually in the morning, and I’ve been quite tired lately, but that could be the progesterone I still need to take for 4 more weeks. This morning, in my vanpool, I had a bit of motion sickness from the jerky driving of the driver this morning. She really isn’t that good of a driver.

I have been feeling a little more nauseous lately – especially after today’s lunch. I still wanted that chocolate chip cookie though.

Well, that’s about all that’s going on with me. Just waiting, waiting, and more waiting.

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Thursday, November 16, 2006


Up until a few moments ago, I was having somewhat of a good day. I don't know why I let things like this bother me, but it does. I should be happy, right? After all, I'm finally pregnant...that's what I wanted...though I'm still not believing it's real.

I'm also really exhausted. I went to bed at 8:30 last night. I wanted to stay up and watch The Office last night, but that wasn't going to happen. I don't think it helps that I get up like 3 times each night to go to the bathroom.

In about a couple hours, I need to leave work and head over to my dentist's office for a lovely cleaning torture session. I hate going to the dentist so much. So very much.

I'm having a sharp pain on my right side. It is really hurting me. I hope that isn't anything bad. I wish it was the 27th already.

Last night, I finally told my vanpool the news - at least the 4 people that were in vanpool yesterday - I immediately regretted it. If something went wrong, that's 4 more people I'd have to tell.

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Today's Thoughts

Sleepy again. Wishing it was the weekend so after the shot, I can go back to sleep. Fell asleep last night after eating dinner for over an hour – it was really nice. This time didn’t have annoying Tyra waking me up. I slept through the entire show. I’m curious who got booted. Perhaps I will try to watch tonight…unless I fall asleep again.

Speaking of tv, my DVR is seriously pissing me off. It turns off at random times, then comes back on 2 minutes later. So whatever I am recording at the time isn’t being recorded for those 2 minutes it is off. This happened 3 times last night. If it only happened last night (when we had a bit of rain and wind), then I would blame on the weather, but it’s happened when it’s been a sunny day (like today is…at the moment). Speaking of the crappy weather yesterday, it took my vanpool 1 hour and 15 minutes to get to the transit center and it took me another 15 minutes to get home from there. I desperately had to go to the bathroom by that point. What am I going to be like when I'm several months along?

Had bit of cramps again this morning. I guess I spoke too soon. Cramps were minimal, but came with sharp bits of pain that lasted just for a couple seconds each time. Not sure what that’s about. Also, the past couple days, I’ve been having a bit of dull pain right below my rib cage on the right side. I don’t know what that’s about either – I only hope the dull pain isn’t the first sign of another stupid kidney stone – this would be unfortunate timing for that.

Wishing it was the 27th so I can go in for my ultrasound.

Hoping and praying that everything is o.k. with Alli’s pregnancy.

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Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Support Group & Vanpool Girl

I forgot to mention that I didn't end up going to vanpool girl's house on Monday night because she canceled on me - which was fine since I needed to clean my house up a bit before my support group came over the next night and I was extremely tired (as I usually am these days). Maybe we'll get together this weekend.

For my support group last night, it ended up just being me and one other person. One of the ladies in my group had her FET yesterday and another had some work stuff to do. Our support group has just dwindled lately. We started this group through Resolve nearly a year ago with 7 women (2 joined us sometime during the year) and after next week, I won't be in the group anymore. We have a 6 week rule - once you're considered 6 weeks, you're "graduated". I will, of course, keep in contact with everyone from the group, but it won't be the same so I hope the other 3 women have their babies soon so we can start our parenting group!

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So Sleepy...

don't have much in the way of news today. I just felt like blogging. Ooh, our lights just flickered. It's another crappy weather day in my neck of the woods.

Anyway, I am really tired today. Seriously tired. If I could go to bed for the night when I got home, I would. I'll probably go home and try take a nap at least until I had to pick up my husband from class. I think it would be better if I didn't have to wake up at 6 to take a shot and then be at work at 7:30. I find myself falling asleep in the vanpool on the way to work and the way home – that's never enough.

I haven't had much in the way of cramping lately, so that's good, but thanks for everyone for telling me it's normal. It's just hard for me because I'm so afraid that something will go wrong because I've seen it go wrong for so many women. I'm hopeful that things will go well, but it's easy to think of the worst. And well, I've never experienced pregnancy before, so I have no idea what to expect.

I got a couple books from the library last night and a couple books I ordered from Amazon showed up. I was looking through them a little bit until my eyes felt too heavy to be able to concentrate on what I was reading. They look like they could be helpful.

Oh, I'm still working on that tag I got a little while ago about the 5 things people may not know about me. This is hard. I'm sure there has to be something, but I'm having trouble thinking of any.

Well, that's all for today. Only 12 days to go until our first
ultrasound. It's not coming fast enough.

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Monday, November 13, 2006

Various Things

That positive pregnancy test is the best sight – at least up until I see the baby or babies on the ultrasound and also, hear the heartbeats.

I had a little scare yesterday. I went to go see “Stranger than Fiction” and during the movie, I kept feeling cramps. For some reason, I keep having cramps starting toward the late afternoon. After the movie, I got up and I thought I felt something wet. That combined with the cramping scared me. I went into the restroom and thankfully, everything was o.k. Why do I keep having cramps like AF is going to arrive at any moment?

I went to a friend’s house on Saturday night, and I looked through her pregnancy book that she had. I am just hungry for information. I put a few books on hold at the library and hopefully, they’ll be there soon. I also used one of my amazon gift certs for some other books that I hope will show up tomorrow.

Tonight, I’m going over to vanpool girl’s house to meet her baby (unless she cancels on me). That should be interesting and also fun. Now that I’m pregnant (still can’t believe I’m saying that in reference to myself), hearing her stories won’t be so bad!

I just got an e-mail from Sophie Kinsella, the author of the Shopaholic series, saying that she has a new book coming out called Shopaholic & Baby. I don’t think I could have read that book before now (those books are such guilty pleasures for me). I had forgotten until now that at the end of the last one, it appeared that the main character was pregnant without even trying.


I just got back from lunch. I just tried to eat a chicken quesadilla and that just made me want to throw up – it looked so good, but my tummy didn’t agree with me. Then I went to go get a baked potato – that was better, but I still feel icky. I don’t know why I always feel nauseous after eating.

Congratulations to Alli – it is looking like she got a BFP!!! I am so happy for you!

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Saturday, November 11, 2006

Surprise...It's Positive!

Surprise...It's Positive!
Originally uploaded by heathercim.
I had to take a HPT just to make sure those things work. I guess they do.

What a wonderful sight!

(Sorry it's a bit blurry - this is the best picture I could get).


Friday, November 10, 2006


That's today's beta! OMG! So it appears that I am really pregnant! This is still so surreal for me. Is this really happening? It's funny in that the nurse was trying to be really nice and making small talk, and I just wanted the number! She was really nice about me being so anxious! I was on the phone with a coworker up in Canada when my cell phone rang and I had to put him on hold so I could answer my cell phone since I knew it would be the clinic. He was also very understanding.

I have my first ultrasound set up for November 27 @ 2 p.m. A whole 17 days away!!! And the nurse said that my last progesterone shot will be on December 18.


Patiently Waiting

It is now 11:42 a.m., and I am trying my best to patiently wait for today’s beta results. I really wish I had the test done yesterday so I would already know. I’m going to go buy one of those HPTs – the digital one - when I get off work today and take it tomorrow morning. I just need to see one say “pregnant”.

We are having a lunch thing today to celebrate the birthday of my boss. We all think she turns 50 today, but she will always say she is 29 (though we thought we'd be funny and get her a happy 30th sign). I guess I need to go now to go celebrate. Hopefully, by the time the festivities end, the clinic will have called with some more great news!

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Thursday, November 09, 2006

At the office - November 8, 2006

This is my cube all decorated. We finally took everything down this afternoon - the balloons still sit on my desk though. I thought it would be better for me to bring them home in my car as opposed to the vanpool.


Today's Thoughts

I’m looking forward to the time that I actually feel like I’m pregnant. I kinda feel like it in the mornings – when I get up and my breasts are sore and feel heavy, but that feeling goes away when I’ve been up for a while. They still feel sensitive, but not sore.

I talked the nurse yesterday afternoon (in my vanpool because that’s when she called me back) about the whole constipation issue, and she suggested some things I already knew like whole grains, veggies, fruit, etc., but she also said apple juice might help too. So I’m seeing if the frosted mini wheats, the banana, the sandwich with whole wheat bread, and the apple juice will help. I hope so. Otherwise, she suggested that I try Metamucil. I hope everything else works. The thought of Metamucil makes me feel icky.

I had a couple other people in my department come up to me and say congratulations. I really expected to be telling everyone in a much different way. I had this whole big idea in my head how I was going to tell family and friends, but that all changed when I started with the blog. I didn’t know I would be telling people this early, but after (nearly) 5 years of trying, I doubt I would have been able to hold it in that long. I still haven’t told my vanpool though I had a good opening yesterday. Someone asked me if I was going to watch Lost, and I said, I’m way too tired. I doubt I’ll be able to stay awake. I could have continued to explain why, but I didn’t. I fell asleep on my couch at 7 and woke up again at 8:20 when Tyra was being annoying on the TV on America’s Next Top Model.

I kinda wish I had done the 2nd beta today. Oh well. And I almost bought a pregnancy test last night, but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I should spend my money on something just so I can see it say “pregnant” or give me double lines or whatever the specific test says. But I think I will sometime this weekend.


Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Did that really happen?

The day after the news is here. The whole situation is so surreal. I still can’t believe I got a positive. My next beta is on Friday at 8:15. I won’t be leaving work early that day like I did yesterday, unfortunately.

Yesterday, before I left, several of my coworkers asked if I was going to call them when I found out. I told them I would as soon as I was ready. I called my family first, then told my friends – both in real-life and in blogland. Then I called my work buddies. They were all so excited for me! I actually called my voice mail at work, because the nurse had called and left a message at work, just to make sure that she really said 476. She did. OMG!

Anyway, I come in this morning and start walking down the hallway to my cube and see these streamers coming down from the ceiling to my cube. I wondered if that was my cube. It was! Tomorrow, I’m going to bring my camera so I can take a picture and show you guys. Most of me is so excited that they did this – how sweet! But part of me is a little anxious about it because I didn’t want all the employees of this company to know. I wasn’t even sure when I was going to tell my vanpool (though I did tell the girl in my van that just had the baby). I thought maybe I would wait until after the ultrasound, whenever that might be, but if they walk by my cube, they’ll know.

Several people have asked me how I feel. I really don’t feel much different physically from what I’ve described before – though believe me, I’m looking for anything that might actually prove the IVF was successful besides the beta (though that is a good indication).

I just want to thank everyone so much for their comments. It is so amazing to have such a wonderful group of women cheer you on. It’s hard for me, especially after my support group meeting last night, to not have everyone join you in pregnancy. I want to have everyone be pregnant too. Last night, one of the women in my group said that I was being really quiet – although part of it was due to being really tired, part of it also was that I feel guilty for having succeeded on our first try at IVF. I just hope that each of them and all of you still trying reach success soon too.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Best Election Day EVER!!!

Beta: 476!!!!

We got the call a little over an hour ago. Thank God we didn't have to wait too long. This morning, the guy taking my blood said it would be between 1 and 4 and they called at 1:10.

I wasn't exactly where I wanted to be when I found out the news. The weather and the traffic in Seattle today just sucks. It took me about 50 or so minutes to get from Issaquah over to UW to pick up my husband. Way too long. And I was HUNGRY, so I decided to go to a fast food place (McDonald's - I remembered today why I think McDonald's is gross) so we could get home as soon as possible. As soon as I drive into the McDonald's parking lot near our house, my cell phone rings (well, it plays "How to Save a Life" by The Fray). I quickly get into a parking spot and the butterflies in my stomach are fluttering madly. I answer the phone and one of the women from my clinic asked me how I was. I said fine. I swear it felt like forever before she told me the great news. She began to tell me that they wanted the beta over 50 and I said "and what is my beta?" Mine was at 476!!! Holy cow!

This morning felt it took forever. It took forever to get from the clinic to my office, then it took forever for the time to come for me to go get my husband. The wait was definitely worth it.

Also, my husband has been meaning to write a post about his feelings on our infertility...if you would like to read it, please go here. He wrote this early this morning before finding out the great news.


Monday, November 06, 2006


You guys, I’m going crazy. It’s only (almost) 11:30 a.m. on Monday. The last 24 hours seem to be going at a snail’s pace. I can’t stand it! Oh, I ended up going to bed last night at 8:15! 8:15!!!

I woke up this morning not feeling so good (AF-like cramps, nausea), but again, I’m not sure if it’s because of the side effects of the PIO or pregnancy. I’m hoping the latter. Speaking of the PIO, I now have little bumps on the sites where the PIO shots are being done. They are so itchy! It is really kinda annoying because I can’t be scratching at my desk!

My sister just wrote me to tell me that not only did she have that dream (which I think I blogged about a while back, but I don’t feel like looking for it) in which she saw this cycle will be the one that works for us, but my uncle also had this premonition that this cycle works too. I hope they’re right!

There are moments that I think that yes, this IVF definitely worked. I definitely feel pregnant. Then I can’t help it, but that negative thought keeps popping back into my head – we’ve always had negatives, why would we finally be lucky? That feeling I have of being pregnant could just be the progesterone.

However, despite those annoying negative thoughts, right now, I’m going to act like I am pregnant until told otherwise.

I’m not exactly sure when the news will come tomorrow. I plan to ask them tomorrow when they plan to call, but I just want to tell friends and family – though I know you already know this – wait until we contact you. I’m sure if it is good news, you will know right away…maybe. We’ll see. I’ve never gotten positive news, so I don’t know what we’re going to do. I may want to go outside and shout it out to the world. I may want some time to just celebrate with my husband before letting everyone know.

Either way, I’m sure I’ll post the news at some point tomorrow.

Until then, I’ll leave you a quote from the Dixie Chicks song “I Hope”

“I hope, for more love, more joy and laughter
I hope, we'll have more than we'll ever need
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly
And we can lose all the pain and misery
I hope, I hope”

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Sunday, November 05, 2006


I am so tired. I am trying to stay up until at least 9 before heading to bed, but I don't think that's going to happen. I've been ready to go to bed since about 5:30. Could this be a sign of pregnancy or am I just that tired? We'll know in less than 48 hours. The only other thing going on is my breasts are slightly sore, but not that much. They were actually more sore last week. Plus, there are those darn cramps that come and go during the day.

I was talking to my husband about this earlier - how if we get a positive beta on Tuesday, I'll be so extremely happy, but I will also be in complete shock. All we've known over the past almost 5 years is disappointment after disappointment. It's hard to believe sometimes that something good could come out of all of this.



I am soooo tempted to test right now, but I'll be a good girl and wait.

Early this morning (around 2 a.m.), I was having this dream that this guy, who I've never seen before, comes and says to me "I'm here to tell you about your cycle." And I responded with "What? Who are you?" then I woke up with the most intense pain I've had in a while. I was really convinced that when I got up to go to the bathroom, AF would be there. But she wasn't. I laid in bed a while crying because it really felt like AF was going to show up at any moment. I was afraid of this because with my last IUI, I started to cramp 4 days before AF showed up. This past Thursday was first day I started to cramp and well, I was afraid that today would be the day AF would appear.

Eventually, I was able to fall back asleep and when I woke up again to have to go to the bathroom, the pain seemed to have disappeared. I fell back asleep and had another dream in which the doctors had this new technology that they were able to see if the embryos stuck as they are supposed to and in my dream, I remember seeing at least one of the embryos sticking. What I also thought was weird in my dream is that the embryo was surrounded by sticks. Yes, there were sticks in my uterus. I told my husband about this, and he said that we do keep telling the embryos to stick around. So I guess that's where my brain got the idea to put sticks in my uterus. Our brains come up with the strangest things in our dreams. Of course, you can see what's on my mind.

Anyway, the cramping has been on and off all morning. I'm partly convinced it might have something to do with my dealings with constipation lately (thanks progesterone). I'm hoping the pain is from constipation and not from AF making her appearance any time now.

Well, only 2 more days to go. I think this might be the only time that I will be actually wishing for the work week to start.


Saturday, November 04, 2006


To answer Alli's question, I was told that my clinic won't take the sharps containers to dispose of it for us. You would think with all the money we are paying these guys that would be one service they would provide, but no. The last clinic I went to, they did take it back although they didn't really want to, but since we had it with us, they did. I didn't check hospitals though.

And to answer Lori's question, I will be doing my best to hold off on testing before Tuesday. It will be hard though. I resisted buying a HPT while at Target today.

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Update on sharps container

One of the errands I wanted to today was go to Target and pick up another pair of those comfy slipper socks I had for retrieval and transfer that everyone at the RE's office seemed to love as much as I did (well, the women anyway). There was only 2 pairs left of the kind I wanted, so I got one and picked up another pair that supposedly has a cloud on it.

Anyway, while I was there, I thought I would ask the pharmacy if they disposed of sharps containers. They didn't, but she gave me the address of the closest county health drop off box. It was just a few blocks away on the other side of the freeway. This will be nice and convenient since I pick up my husband from class 4 nights a week and this drop off box is right on the way from our house to the college he is taking classes at. And the good thing about this is that it's free! And I just drop it into a box.

Thanks to Jennifer for offering to take the container to drop off at her Fred Meyer. I appreciate the offer. I figured I would just go ahead and do this today on my list of errands.



Almost there.

I woke up this morning to do the PIO shot, then, unlike last weekend, I was able to fall back asleep even though I went to bed at 10 p.m. (I am so old) the night before. I am exhausted. I can't help it!

When I woke up again a little before 10, I thought my cramps had gone, but no, when I was taking a shower, they decided to return. Though the cramps are very light, unlike on Thursday. While in the shower, I imagined getting the phone call from the RE's office on Tuesday and getting good news. As you can imagine, I was so happy. I hope to get good news on Tuesday. This wait is driving me crazy.

Well, I need to go run some errands, then we are supposedly going over to a friend's house later tonight. So all this activity should keep my mind off things. And I signed up for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) so I have that to do too.

And a quick congrats to Nickie - she got a BFP!!! Congratulations, Nickie!!!

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Friday, November 03, 2006

Sharps Container

Thanks to Carol & Jennifer for mentioning where to take the sharps container. I just called the Fred Meyer close by and they take them back for a fee (the fee depends on the size of the container). That makes me happy that I can go the same place to dispose of and purchase a sharps container. Gotta love convenience!

Also, I just have to mention Nickie's comment from this post. Hysterical! That would be so nice if we had that kind of sign!



Well, so far, so good. Not much cramping. Not like yesterday anyway. Maybe it is what the nurse said - implantation was taking place. If so, yay!!!

I'll see how the rest of the day goes. It is going to be one long day here at work. I'm really tired (probably the progesterone), and it's Friday. Time always seems to go slower on Fridays - for me, anyway. I can't wait for the weekend.

Update: 11:19 a.m. - I spoke too soon on the cramping. It returned for a bit like it was yesterday, but everything seems fine now. Knock on wood.


Thursday, November 02, 2006

A nice feeling...

I just got a call from the nurse from my clinic asking how I was doing. It caught me off guard, but it was so nice to have someone ask how I'm doing even if this particular person asks all the patients she works with how they're doing. It still made me feel good.

I told her I've been cramping, and she asked if I've spotted at all, and I said no. And she said it could be implantation so she's hoping it's that and not the other possible outcome. She asked if I'm planning to test at all, and I said no, that I'm doing my best to wait until Tuesday. She said that would be good because you don't want to test too early and get a negative when it could be positive. My sister send me this link earlier of women who described feeling like AF was going to show up any day now, even well into their pregnancy, when they were pregnant. It certainly made me feel a little better, so thanks Trina for sending that to me!

About doing HPTs, I was talking to a friend from my support group last night (the one that went to the movie with me), and she said that if she had to do it over again, she would go do the beta
test, then come home and do the HPT, so she could be prepared when the clinic calls. I'm thinking of doing that.

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5dp5dt - Halfway there

I am so nervous and scared this morning. I woke up with the most period-like cramps I’ve had in a while. I am so afraid that this means that the IVF cycle didn’t work. This is exactly how I feel right before AF shows up. Of course, I’ve never been pregnant - maybe some women feel this way when they are pregnant.

I shared my fear with a friend from work and she told me that she thinks my problem with getting pregnant is that I’m not relaxed. And my first reaction is “what about those first 2 years before we went to go see an RE? I was as close to relaxed as one can get and didn’t start getting really nervous until my OB/GYN told me to go see an RE. Not once in those two years did I get pregnant. There is obviously something wrong (like a blocked fallopian tube and who knows what’s going on with the other tube or any other number of issues).” I hate that. I don’t need to hear – just relax. You wouldn’t tell someone who is about to hear other types of life-changing news to just relax, would you? Does just relaxing make it so all medical issues disappear?

I do realize I should relax as there is nothing I can do about my chances of being pregnant now, which is why I asked friends, family, well ,anyone, to help distract me. I went to go see Talladega Nights last night with a support group buddy. It was rather funny – particularly, the outtakes at the end. Those just cracked me up. And after seeing a preview for Borat, I may have to see that movie. I didn’t think I wanted to see it, but after seeing the preview, it looks hysterical.

Anyway, about the conversation with my friend, I promptly changed the subject to where I could drop off my sharps container. She would know since she has to give herself shots because she has diabetes. It turns out I cannot just take them to a pharmacy like the RE’s office said. It seems only the county health department will take them, but I can purchase a new one at most, if not all, pharmacies. That’s kinda inconvenient – you would think you would be able to go to just one place to take care of this stuff, but no.

And ouch – my backside hurts a bit this morning from where this morning’s shot took place. It keeps throbbing. Just ouch!

Well, anyway, I hope I’m wrong about the whole AF-like cramps.

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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Cute Story

My sister sent me the story below. Little background: Connor is my nephew (he's 5) and Morgan is my niece (she's 4). Also, my husband has named our embryos Unter and Uber (read all about it here).

Now here's the story...

"On monday, Me, Connor and Morgan were riding in the car and Morgan asked me if I was going to have a baby. I assume with all the baby talk about you, this is why she asked. So I said no, Aunt Heather is going to have a baby. And she said "Oh". And Connor asked what their names were going to be and I replied that I didn't know but right now they are Unter and Uber. Connor says " oh? Can Unter be nicknamed CJ?" I said but your nickname is CJ. And he said that he wanted Unter to have that nickname. And then Morgan yells from the back seat "and the other one can be named Chuliya." So my kids have named your babies CJ and Chuliya."


In an effort to keep myself occupied and keep my mind off the whole - "will it be positive and thus, we will be so incredibly happy, or will it be negative and thus, we will be so incredibly devasatated?" question - I'm going to go see a movie tonight at the Crest with a support group buddy. I am so happy she said she would go see the movie with me because, like I said, I need to keep myself occupied and distracted. We're going to see Talladega Nights. She is the one that actually found a comedy at a theatre to go see - and it's at the "cheap" theatre!

And we ended up getting 16 kids last night. A low for us in the 3 years we've been in our house. Perhaps it was too cold?

I just got back from buying some printer paper and a pack of notebooks and I had to carry it from the store over to my van and well, I'm out of shape and I was wearing a heavy coat because I thought things were getting colder, so it was not pleasant to carry those things around the store then to my van. I really, really hope that this doesn't cause a problem with our embryos sticking around for a while. I don't know why I did what I just did - I just knew I needed these things, so I went and bought them. As you some of you can relate to, I'm afraid one little movement is going cause a positive to turn to a negative! Gah - why did I just do that?

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