Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Monday, July 30, 2007

Going Crazy!!!!

Today has been a really trying day for me. I am so exhausted. It all started with Ben being "my" baby for the night and seeing how he's still a little upset about the circumcision (I'm guessing it still hurts to pee), he's waking every time he pees and every time he's hungry. So needless to say, not much sleep last night. Then Ella and Ben were just crying hard the entire day, it seemed like. Once one would fall asleep, the other would wake up, then the first one that was asleep would wake back up and they both would cry. I think they maybe slept a total of 3 hours today and they are cranky now!!! Well, they were when they left the house. Jon took them for a walk so I could pump and read Harry Potter in peace - only 200 pages to go!!! I've never been this slow with a Harry Potter book before - got 2 good reasons though.

I had some visitors today - two ladies from my support group with their babies and they brought me ice cream and offered to watch my babies along with their own so I could take a nap or whatever (I couldn't sleep despite desperately being tired, so I read Harry Potter). That was so incredibly nice of them - I needed the break after the day I had. I hope tonight and tomorrow will be better. I still have just under 2 months left of being at home with them, so I hope it won't always be like this. My friends tell me it's the worst between 6-8 weeks, so I hope by 8 weeks, it will magically be better. They'll be 7 weeks tomorrow.

Well, that's all for today. On a side note, a fellow blogger has asked for our help with her adoption fund - just purchase some of these cute pants sold on this site and all the proceeds go to help her with her fund!

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Sunday, July 29, 2007

Another lengthy post

Thanks to Ally for watching the twins for me for a couple hours so I could go to my OB appointment on Friday! Thank you also to Ally and Paul for giving us their couch - it is soooo much nicer than the loveseat!

So speaking of my OB appointment - it was my 6 week postpartum checkup and everything looks good. The incision has healed nicely, my uterus is almost down to its pre-pregnancy size, and my cervix is back to normal. We talked about post-partum depression and she said that everything I've been feeling is normal that she doesn't feel like I need anything so that's good. I don't think I need anything either. We also talked about birth control which sounds odd considering we did IVF to get pregnant in the first place, so it would seem I don't really need anything but just in case my tubes fixed themselves during the pregnancy, I do want to be on some birth control for a while. The question is do I want the progesterone only pill or do I want to do an IUD? I've done the pill before so I know how I react to that, but I'm not sure about the IUD. My OB recommends I do the IUD - one reason is that you don't need to remember to take the pill at the same time every day and with two babies (even one would make it hard), that might be difficult. Has anyone ever used an IUD? My OB gave me info on an IUD, but I haven't looked at it yet.

That's pretty much my appointment on Friday. Since everything looks good and there is no medical reason to extend my maternity leave, I need to figure out when I'll be going back to work. The plan right now is mid to late September (which I think I might have mentioned already), but I need to figure out exactly so I can let my boss know.

So it was kinda sad for me on Friday as that would be the last time I see my OB unless I continue to go to that clinic for my GYN needs too. I'm debating whether I want to stay with this clinic and my OB or if I want to go back to my family practice doctor. I like both of them a lot - of course, I won't be seeing my OB for my pap smear in September since she's having her own baby here in a few weeks (which by the way at 36 weeks, she looks so tiny compared to what I looked like). UGH - I can't decide. Jon thinks I should stick with my OB because of something she said to me on Friday regarding me getting out and doing things so as to keep my sanity. She also suggested I get some help at least a few days a week if only for someone to come over and just hold a baby or two so I can get other things done (and there are sooooo many things I need to get done in this house that I had planned on doing when I was at home on bedrest (like going through files and recycling old papers, etc. after we got a new filing cabinet) that didn't get done because I was in the hospital instead). It frustrates me that there is such a mess in the baby room and upstairs in the office, so if anyone wants to come over and hold a baby or help out, I'd appreciate it! I hate having a messy house!

Anyway, what else has gone on since my last post? I walked around Greenlake on Wednesday with a couple women from our childbirth class - that was really nice to meet with them and share birth stories and taking care of baby stories. Hopefully, I'll be able to join them again this week if they go - however, we have a reunion this next weekend with that class so I'll see them then too. I also walked around Greenlake with Ally on Thursday. Both times were a bit tiring and we stopped a couple times, but I did make it around. Hopefully, I'll work my way up to walking around it a couple times without any breaks soon enough.

And last, but not least, news on the babies. They are growing so much!!! They are nearly 7 weeks - I can't believe it. We weighed them the other day and Ella was a little over 9 pounds (when I took Ella into the pediatrician for possible reflux issues, she was at 8.2 pounds) and Benjamin was 11.8 pounds!!! He's going to be in those 3 month outfits soon (I need to go pull those out pretty soon). I bought them some toys yesterday that I hope they'll like. Ella really likes to look at herself in the mirror. It is just so cute. And I finally was able to find the pacifier she likes (the Soothie pacifier that they gave us in the hospital). Oh, and Ella has breastfed a few times since my last post - so happy she came back to it though she still can be finicky about it. Benjamin will breastfeed and still be so super hungry that we give him a bottle too. He likes his food!

One last thing as this post is so super long - I suppose I could have broken it down to two posts - Oliver is so good with the babies. He is such a caring kitty. If one of the babies is crying, he goes back and forth with looking at me then to the baby as if telling me, "help that baby! It needs you!" I've also seen him go up to a baby and sniff the baby's head as if trying to give some comfort. Oliver is back to sleeping on our bed too. Sophie is still a little nervous around them, but she's coming around. She also seems to be lacking in the affection she gets, so I better go give her some love.

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Hanging on the Boppy

Hanging on the Boppy
Originally uploaded by heathercim
I had to post this picture too - they look like they are in deep thought.

Loving that Harry Potter!

Trying to get to the book!
Originally uploaded by heathercim
Here are Benjamin and Ella hanging on the Boppy pillows. I think Benjamin is trying to take my copy of the 7th Harry Potter book so I can't read it! :-D I have been reading parts of it to them...

More pictures on my flickr page!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

6 weeks!!!

Thank you to everyone for your comments to my last post. I thought I would write another one since it's been a little while. I also have new pictures to share - once I actually upload them, I'll let you know when to go to flickr to see them.

Anyway, we had Ben's circumcision today. My husband wrote a post as to why we decided to go ahead with the procedure. I didn't go into the room that they had the circumcision done, but that didn't stop me from hearing him. It just broke my heart to hear him cry knowing what they were doing. Of course, it turns out he was crying because he wanted to be held and not placed on a table, then he screamed again when the anesthetic (sp?) was used, then again when he was picked back up. Poor guy, but I do think having this procedure done was for the best. I am nervous about making sure we take proper care of it. I hope we do a good job on that.

Regarding Ella and her need to sleep with us - we've tried swaddling, but it doesn't matter to her. She will wake up a short while after being put in her bed and realize there isn't a human being holding her close. I went to a gathering yesterday at a friend's house of women who were in my multiples class at UW and they said do whatever works for you. One woman, who I e-mailed with while in the hospital - she was at UW - I was at Swedish - said that it might be best to try to ween her from that around 4 months - around the time the "4th trimester" would begin. We'll see how that goes.

It was really nice to get together with this group yesterday to hear about how everyone is doing. My babies were the youngest there, I believe - at 6 weeks today! We plan to get together every week or so - so happy about that!

Also about Ella, on Friday, she was spitting up a lot (it just seems to have gotten worse) and she tends to arch her back sometimes that I thought maybe she has acid reflux. I took her to the pediatrician and they have me changing her formula to something that is supposed to be more easily digestable. We'll see if that helps. So far, I don't think it has. If it doesn't work, the pediatrician suggested something else (a block or something) - I'm to call back on Friday to say how things are going. Has anyone used any sleep positioners you can buy at the store to elevate them? I was at Target earlier and thought about getting it for her, but I don't know if it will help or not. The pediatrician did suggest we keep her upright for at least 20-30 minutes after feeding.

And again about Ella, she breastfed the other night!!! She actually latched on and fed there. I was so happy, but I thought it might be a one time occurrence but no 3 hours or so later, both Ben and Ella were breastfeeding - at the SAME TIME! That's the first time I've succeeded with that! It hasn't happened since with Ella, but I try and I have a feeling it will happen again.

Well, there's more to write about but this post is getting long and I need to go check on Benjamin. I will try to post pictures very soon!


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A long blog post

I have a few things I wanted to blog about and now I finally have a bit of time to do so. I really should finish my cleaning while the babies are sleeping, but I want to write these things down before I forget to do so...

First, good news regarding the stroller. Jon got it to fit into our trunk! Had we done a thorough reading of the instructions we probably would have known that one part of the stroller will fold down further when you pull up on parts on either side of the stroller. Oops. Well, I'm glad he figured it out so we don't need to get another stroller right now. We will need to eventually when the babies outgrow these car seats, but now we at least have a few more months with this stroller.

Second, Ben's circumcision didn't happen today. My mother in law came up this morning to watch Ella and Jon took time off work and the OB felt that a specialist should take care of this circumcision rather than her. She said she could probably do it, but she would feel better if the specialist did it. So now we are looking at Tuesday morning as the circumcision date. I guess this is o.k. as my insurance company still hasn't updated their system to show that the twins are covered and Jon's insurance doesn't cover circumcisions.

Third, a question to all the twin parents out there - when you are at home alone with them and they are the same feeding schedule - how do you feed them? Since Ella won't breastfeed, I've pretty much gone to bottlefeeding breast milk or formula and so I sit each of them down on a boppy so that they are in a semi-reclined position and feed them that way. That can be a bit tiring on the arms - particularly, the wrists. How do you feed your twins?

Fourth, speaking of breastfeeding. I've become a bit discouraged. My milk supply doesn't seem to be all that great. I have a feeling it's because I need to pump more, but I barely have time to pump more than 4 times in a day - and sometimes, I don't get around to pumping more than twice (which can be quite uncomfy). I feel horrible because of this because I would love it if I could just feed them breastmilk, but that just isn't going to happen. I'm trying to tell myself (like I wrote earlier but really didn't believe) that giving formula on top of breast milk is o.k. but sometimes I just have a hard time believing it.

Fifth, those feelings bring on another thing I wanted to write about - When I was at the OB's office today for the circumcision that didn't happen, my OB asked how I was feeling and most of time I feel o.k. though I've only really had one full day on my own so far. yesterday, I spent half the day with a friend and today, I had Jon's mom. Tomorrow, I will be on my own except for when a friend comes around lunchtime and Friday I'll be on my own. I told my OB how anxious I am about it and how Jon isn't at all and she said it is normal for a mom to be more anxious about it than the dad. She said though if I start to feel really overwhelmed that I should ask for more help and I should call her. Honestly, there are times that I just don't know if I can do it. I had a breakdown yesterday over the fact that I couldn't figure out the car seat (couldn't get the straps to loosen so I could get Ella in her carseat - I eventually found the instructions to figure it out) and that I felt I would be stuck in our house for the next 2 months. Completely irrational, but that's what I was thinking. Another thing I'm anxious about (or rather frustrated with) is the fact that the hospital time took 5 weeks of my maternity time away from my time with the babies (even though I am anxious about being alone with them) - I would think maternity time should start at birth not when I was admitted into the hospital. The hospital time should be other disability leave! Grr!!!

Sixth, I feel like I should say, after writing the above, that I completely adore Ben & Ella. They are just the cutest babies and I love being their mother - there are just times that it is a lot to handle. I really keep meaning to take more pictures of them to share - they are growing so fast. When we weighed them at home (by weighing ourselves then ourselves with each baby), Ben weighs a little over 9 pounds and Ella a little over 8 pounds. They don't get an official weight check until their 2 month check up (during which time they will have to endure immunization shots).

Seventh, a question to any mother. We have a co-sleeper bed - one that attaches to the side of the bed. The thing is that Ella, in particular, seems to only sleep well when she is being held or close to someone. Ben can sleep in the co-sleeper but one way or another ends up in bed with us at night. I really don't feel comfortable with them being in the bed, but they do sleep longer periods when they are with us. Any advice on this? Have others done this? Are there ways to make Ella feel better about sleeping in her own bed- eventually, we'll be moving them into their cribs and they will be even further away from us!

And finally, I walked around Greenlake the other day! True, I did have stop once and at the end, I was hurting again but I did it! I was supposed to go walking around Greenlake on Monday but due to a friend's problem with furniture delivery, that didn't happen. Then we were going to go again on Tuesday but another friend needed her help so it didn't happen again. Hopefully, we'll be able to go sometime next week. However, I am going to try to meet some women from my childbirth class on Friday for a walk around the lake. The only issue is getting the babies ready in time! Speaking of - when I left to go hang out with a friend yesterday and had to get the babies ready on my own - just OMG! That was a bit difficult at times trying to get things ready while at the same time making sure the babies were fed, diapers changed and dressed as well as myself dressed too! It took me a while to get ready!

Well, that's all - and I know it's quite a bit. Hopefully, next time, I'll have some photos to share! Anxiously waiting to hear from Alli - I'm assuming she had her baby girl since we haven't heard from her since Sunday!

Monday, July 16, 2007

They're Due!

Today is Ben & Ella's due date! Woo!

Today is also my first day alone with them and things are going alright. I'm trying to eat lunch really quickly as I hear Ben fussing (he wants me to hold him) and I'm sure Ella is going to be anytime now. I just needed to eat lunch! I also need to use the breast pump again today but finding time to do that is challenging when you're on your own.

Anyway, I have more I want to write about but I must finish my lunch and get to my babies before their fussing turns into full out hard core cries.

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Saturday, July 14, 2007

Questions/Statements Answered

Regarding getting a new car - we are going to, at some point, go and see if we can find a tandem stroller that will fit into the trunk of our car. If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what to do as it would be really nice to get one stroller to push them in at the same time and not two separate strollers. Right now, we have the Snap n Go one that the car seats can be fitted into which is convenient so you don't have to wake a sleeping baby to put them into another stroller. I really don't want to have to get a new car as I was looking forward to not having any car payments really soon, but if we do get a new car, we will trade in our current one and get the bigger car. We can't have two car payments right now! We'll see what happens. I'm not sure when we'll get up to BRU to test out the strollers.

As far as getting around with the twins - it's actually easier than I thought it would be to get them ready and into the car seats and out into the car, then later into the stroller. It's certainly nicer to have someone with me though. This reminds me. When we were at the mall on Wednesday, SO MANY people came by to talk to us about our twins. SO MANY. Of course, that's when I noticed more twins out and about. One lady came up to us who had 15 month old twin girls and told me that her age was more fun but more difficult. I suppose it is since they can each be going in two different directions.

And finally, about how I feel post partum wise. For the most part, I think I'm o.k., but I also have nervous breakdowns in which I feel like I can't handle this mom thing. I'm afraid of not being able to figure out what they want and being able to take care of both of them when they need some cuddle time at the same time. The other day when it was so hot, I was afraid that the heat would get to them and I'd feel so guilty though I made an effort to get them out of the heat by taking them to the mall for the day. I'll see how I am once I'm on my own this coming Monday.

I love these babies SO MUCH that I hope that I'm a good mother to them. The other night when we out to the movie, I kept thinking of them - Ella with her sad, confused look that just melts my heart and Ben with his mellow little look to his face. They are so incredibly cute! This morning, I was holding Ben and talking to him and told him what a cutie he was and he smiled at me. Now, some may say it's gas, but I'm going to choose to believe it was him smiling at me because he liked me talking to him.

Well, I think that was it, but I'm sure there is something I'm forgetting. Take care everyone!


The Week in Review

It's been a busy week. I just don't have much time to blog these days...I wonder why? Since my husband is here and watching the babies, I thought I would take some time to blog and pay some bills (the latter part is just so much fun)!

Anyway, the week started out with us visiting my work. It was so nice to see everyone and everyone seemed super excited to see the babies. We walked around quite a bit as not everyone I wanted to see was all in the same building. It was a good day to visit as one of my coworkers is retiring and her last day was Wednesday so I got to see her before she left. Everyone told me how adorable the babies are and how good I looked - I'm close to my pre-pregnancy weight, but not quite. So close that my pregnancy stuff is way too huge and so far that my pre-pregnancy stuff still doesn't fit, so it's a bit of a challenge to find anything to wear. I've started to walk more and I hope that this coming week when I'm on my own that I'll be getting out to walk around the neighborhood and/or Greenlake to help shed some more pounds!

The next day we didn't do too much - we just hung out at home with my babies who I have now nicknamed Squeaky (Ella) and Mr. Grunt (Benjamin). It was a hot day and since I don't have air conditioning, it was a hot house but not nearly as bad as the next day. It got up to the upper 90s here in Seattle so that day, all of us spent some time in a nearby mall for the day - it was nice and cool, but I did miss the comforts of home. My niece, nephew and brother spent part of that time going to see Harry Potter while my mom and I wandered the mall with the babies - I ended up having to carry Ella for quite a while (I wished I had brought my sling to carry her in - I'll remember that for next time).

Thursday was the twins 1 month birthday - I can't believe they are already 1 month old!!

We went to go to Jon's work to visit on Thursday. They had a cake for us and gave us gifts (which reminds me, I need to write out some more thank you cards) - that was so incredibly nice of them!!! They took a cute picture of the 4 of us with my niece and nephew - hopefully, I'll get a copy soon to share. After visiting Jon's work, we went to spend some more time in another mall as it was getting hot again - though not nearly as bad as the day before. Then later that night, my mom and rest of family watched the two babies as Jon and I went on our first date in quite a while to go see Harry Potter. I liked it though it's been a while since I read the 5th book, so I only remembered a few things that they cut out or changed. I'm trying to re-read the 5th book now while pumping which reminds me - why didn't I think of reading the 5th and 6th books again while I was in the hospital - I had so much time to do so! What was I thinking?!?!

Friday was supposed to be Ben's circumcision date but they called and cancelled about an hour before I was set to leave to go pick up Jon. The date is now on Wednesday afternoon. I was hoping that I would have my mom here to watch Ella so I'd only have to take one baby with me, but it looks like I'll be taking both of them. So Friday, we just hung out and then later, a few of us went up to a nearby park and played on the playground and walked through the forest.

So that's been my week. This next week will be an interesting one as I'll be on my own. Wish me luck - I hope everything goes well!


Sunday, July 08, 2007


Today was an exciting day. We went to the park on another family walk. This time, we brought along my niece, nephew and brother. I walked around the trail there several times with the babies and did quite well. I think I'm nearing ready for walking around Greenlake.

When we got back from our walk, I was going to put the stroller into the trunk of the car for our little outing tomorrow to my office, but it doesn't fit!!! Great!!! It fits into the front seat of the car though. So all those people who said we may need to get a bigger car, they just might be right unfortunately. Grr!! I am so close to paying this car off, and I was looking forward to having no car payments. So any suggestions on an affordable but roomy automobile?

Also, when we got back, we gave the babies a bath. They really do not like having a bath. Benjamin wasn't quite awake when we started his bath, but he fussed throughout the whole thing. Ella just wasn't a happy camper at all.

That's all I have time to write for now. :-)

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Saturday, July 07, 2007

Another Update

I finally have a chance to blog again -

Ben and Ella are doing well. Ella is still our little princess, but Ben seems to be starting some crying contest with his sister. It's great that after his first day of life outside the womb that he has such strong lungs now, those babies can scream if they don't get their food right away. Thankfully, Ben will breastfeed so I can at least settle him that way at least some of the time. When Ben cries, his little face turns so red! At one point the other day, he was crying so hard that he seemed to have forgotten to inhale and that just freaked me out! I held onto my little boy for some time after that.

Both babies are starting to become more alert too and taking in their surroundings. They are just so cute with those big eyes looking all around. I do love my sweet babies.

I have to admit though that I am still quite anxious about being on my own with them - I can't stand to see them cry - especially when they go from 0-60 in crying in such a short time and I can't get their food ready as quickly as they want it or I can't hold them both at the same time (though Jon's coworker is letting us borrow a sling that somehow will enable me to carry both twins at the same time). Jon, on the other hand, has no anxiety about being alone with the twins as he is said he will watch the twins so I can go to the midnight book release party for the final Harry Potter book (so excited!!! - though will I have time to read the book - probably not). I had thought about not going and I suppose I still might not depending on how tired I am, and boy am I tired, but it's the final book so I kinda wanna go. I went to go reserve my copy at the nearest B&N this morning.

Oh, and my boss offered to babysit the babies along with her daughter (I think) so Jon and I can go out on a date - I'm hoping she's available soon as I thought Jon and I could go see the 5th Harry Potter movie (or if that's sold out, I still haven't seen Pirates of the Caribbean since I was in the hospital when it came out). Speaking of my boss, I'm going to go to my office on Monday to visit and to drop off paperwork to add the twins to my health insurance. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and introducing them to my babies. It will be their longest car ride thus far. I haven't really gone anywhere with them on my own either - Jon has usually put them in the car seat (as it has hurt to bend over though it feels better now) and he has put them in the car as I'm not supposed to lift things that heavy (but I'm allowed to do so now). We'll see how things go, so I'll let you know Alli!

Well, that's about all for now. Hope Nickie is doing well after having her baby boy! Hope it isn't too much longer for Alli to meet her baby girl! I'm looking forward to hearing the news of the births! We will definitely all need to get together with our babies and when Carol's come too!

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