Ben & Ella's 4th Birthday Party

We had Ben & Ella's party this past Saturday and yes, it did rain. We were covered though and the kids didn't even care that it was raining. They went ahead and played in the playground and because no one else was at the park, they played in the skate park, on the baseball fields and all the way across to the end of the other park. They had a great time. They didn't have success with hitting open their pinatas so we ended up using the strings to pull them open (and I put way too much candy in there as the candy did not come out like it was supposed to). They also enjoyed the little treasure hunt that I set up for them too (though I should have waited a bit longer as some kids showed up right after we played that little game). I also got a little horseshoe game for the kids to play.

It was a good day. I wish I had taken more pictures but I felt like I didn't have the opportunity to this year.

They got a few presents and they've played with them all - they got camping chairs (we had to go get one for Nicholas after he saw them), little computers, books, a little paper and pencil set, and M&Ms.

On another topic - the kids wanted me to tell them stories last night. Ella wanted stories about when I was pregnant with Ben & Ella, when I was pregnant with Nicholas, about when her friends were in their mommy's bellies (though I told her that 2 of her friends weren't in their mommy's bellies but were adopted - I tried to explain that as much as I could to a 4 year old). I thought about mentioning the whole IVF thing to the twins, but thought I'd wait a little bit longer for that.

Benjamin wanted stories about dinosaurs and flowers. I told him a g-rated version of Jurassic Park and made up a story about flowers (it wasn't easy for me).

And on yet another topic - I learned that I have gallstones this week so I'll be having my gallbladder removed in the near future. I don't see the surgeon until the 19th though so I'm not quite certain how soon after that the actual surgery will take place. Thankfully, it is done by laparoscopy so the recovery time is much shorter than if it was a bigger incision being made. My dad had it done a few years ago and he said he was fine a week later. I hope that's the case for me too!

That's all for now! Until the next time when I feel like blogging!

Ben & Ella turn 4!

Benjamin and Ella turned 4 on Sunday. We went to church as normal, then came home to have a BBQ and strawberry shortcake with a couple friends, their son and another friend's 2 kids. We usually have lunch with these friends after church. It was a nice day for sitting outside, eating a BBQ and letting the kids play. We let Ben & Ella open their presents that we got for them. They wanted to play with them right away. Nicholas wanted to play with them when I purchased them and was sad that he didn't have a present to open. He doesn't quite get it that it is their birthday and not his too. Poor guy - this is another glimpse of what it will be like for him being the singleton in the family. Eventually, he'll understand though.

I took a few pics of the day but, as usual, I haven't uploaded them (I still haven't uploaded Christmas!!!!).

This Saturday, we are having their party at the same park we had the party at last year. This year, though, we have two pinatas. One is a Dora pinata and the other is a Thomas the train pinata (at least, I think that is what I ordered). They are quite excited by this.

I guess I'll post more after the party this weekend unless something else comes up. I really hope the weather gets better!!! Right now, Saturday is supposed to be rainy and gross!! At least, the party is in a covered area. Ugh this Seattle weather!!

Ka-chow!

A little while ago, my kids watched Cars for the first time. I also got a few books from the last multiples group sale that had the characters from Cars in it. So Nicholas has been hearing the word Ka-chow (from Lightning McQueen) a lot. Not to mention, we went to a Cars themed birthday party this past weekend (which was a cute place in Woodinville called The Nest). Well, Nicholas kept saying ka-chow last night (saying it like katow!) - quite cute.

Only 2 more days and Ben & Ella will be 4! The time has indeed gone by fast. Their party isn't until next weekend - I planned their party then thinking my sister and family would be more likely to come since they are still in school now and my niece's birthday is tomorrow - but they aren't coming. So I wish we were having the party tomorrow as more would have been able to come. Oh well.

Ben & Ella have been able to write their names for some time. However, for some reason, Benjamin now thinks he needs to write his name perfectly. So because the N was not written with a straight line, he threw a tantrum and a pen and told me to write his name. I told him that it doesn't need to be perfect, but he didn't believe me.Ugh. What is this boy going to be like in school?

Ella is doing a bit better with going poo on the potty. She went last night all on her own and well, she is 4 in 2 days so she better start going on the potty like she told me she would do.

Nicholas is rather possessive these days. He sees one of the other kids walking toward me and he will run toward me to say "my mommy!" It is quite cute actually. It is going to make me sad when he doesn't run to me anymore (like Benjamin) and give me his little pat on the shoulder hug.

In sad (but keeping a positive attitude) news, my mom has learned that her cancer has spread further down her spine and into her pelvic bone. Not the news any of us wanted to hear. so she is starting chemo on Monday. I hope that chemo will get rid of the cancer yet again. She battled breast cancer about 5 years ago and it came back in her bones (and because of that, they denied her long term disability because she had a pre-existing condition - that word just drives me crazy). Please send her positive vibes and send up a prayer that she can beat this yet again!

Birthday Party & More

This past Saturday, we had a birthday party for Ben & Ella for friends and family who live on this side of the state. We had it at the same park as last year (the "birthday park"). The weather turned out perfectly for us. It was nice and sunny and warm.

We started off the day by letting the kids play in the playground, then we had some dinner, then cupcakes and then presents. We spent about a little over 4 hours at the park. We had so many people come and join us for the birthday party - people who knew from church, from daycare, from college and our the grandparents and an uncle and an aunt. It was great! The kids enjoyed playing with all the other kids that came.

The next day, we went and played at the beach while my parents and brother were still in town. Benjamin seemed to really enjoye that it was low tide and went pretty far out there while Ella enjoyed looking at the rocks. Nicholas also had a good time wandering all around and playing with kids his own age and the bigger kids.



You can see some pics of both days at www.flickr.com/photos/heathercim

In other info:

Benjamin says as we are heading to the beach that "You need to do this (he had his hands covering his ears") so you won't get scared." He was referring to the loud noise the train makes as he goes underneath the overpass to the beach.

Ella got this cute little play dress and play shoes from a friend of ours and Benjamin wanted them too. Last night, he was walking around with them on and came up to us and said "look at my BEAUTIFUL shoes". It was so cute!

At the party, Ella saw one of the little kids (he's about to turn a year old) from the daycare and went up to him and said "Hi R. How are you, sweetie?" in her baby talk voice.

Nicholas was really into the dog that came to visit and excitedly followed him around for a bit. He also seemed to like riding in a little push car that a friend brought their 1 year old in. Nicholas now knows where his belly is and will lift up his shirt to show you his belly. He had his checkup yesterday (stats to come as soon as I can get them from Jon) and the doctor says he needs to be saying 24 words by 18 months. I remembered being worried about one of the twins but both of them are just fine talkers now, so I'm not too worried about Nicholas.

Nicholas is attempting to climb up on the couch these days. He thinks it is so fun to sit up on the couch and last night, I kept telling him he was a big boy and he kept cracking up over that. :-D

Ben & Ella got a train set for their birthday and they are really liking that and will fight over the trains. Surprisingly, they are also fighting over the play shoes that they got as well. Nicholas really likes the bubble lawnmower they got.

More to come when I remember to blog about it. Sorry to my kids as I was hoping to have this blog as a way to fill in your baby book later and I haven't done either of them too well lately.

Ben & Ella turn 3

My twins turned 3 on Saturday! Times sure does fly.

Ella loves to do art stuff. She likes to color and she loves to play mommy with her baby dolls and to her baby brother. She keeps telling me about someone named "Jin" that I think perhaps might be an imagined friend as I have no idea where she got that. She also likes to sing - I just love to hear her sing different songs.

Benjamin is definitely more the thinker. He likes puzzles more. At one point, this weekend, he was concentrating so hard on getting these balls to move through a little maze. That was more interesting than going down the slide that was right next to him. He also likes to sing and is such a cute singer.

Their interactions with each other are definitely the best. Sure, they yell at each other and have their disagreements, but it is still fun most of the time.


We spent the weekend in Spokane where my family lives. We spent their actual birthday at Riverfront Park. We looked at Spokane Falls, then moved over to the park and played under the water scuplture for a bit, then onto the caroussel. Benjamin opted to just sit next to me and Nicholas on a bench, while Ella braved the horse going up and down with Jon standing next to her. They enjoyed that quite a bit and Ella wanted to go on it again. After that, we headed for lunch, then went on a train ride through the park. Since they both love trains, this was a definite must. Poor Benjamin fell asleep on the train though - it was a long day. That night, after waking from a nap, we had a BBQ and my aunt and grandmother joined us.

The next day, we went to Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate my niece's birthday. The kids enjoyed that as well as there was a slide and another little caroussel to go on. They didn't particularly enjoy Chuck E. Cheese though. Ella freaked out when she saw him and wanted me to hold her. Benjamin was less freaked but didn't really want anything to do with him. When it came time to open presents, Ella tore her paper apart, but Benjamin was taking it off strip by strip. He never did finish opening it until we got home last night (and he screamed because Nicholas tore off a big piece - I told him he needs to go quicker when Nicholas is around. Nicholas really wanted to play with all their new toys but they wouldn't let him - he was not happy about that).

On our way home, we stopped at a rest top next to some wind turbines/windmills. The ones next to the stop weren't really moving, except for a couple, but off in the distance, they were. Ben & Ella were quite fascinated by them, as were we. I took pictures of everything and will post on flickr when I get the chance sometime this week or weekend.

Ella really enjoyed playing with her 8 year old cousin. They both have an interest in babies. Morgan was also kind enough to give Ella and Ben her Dora house that she doesn't play with anymore and a couple other items. They were so cute playing with the baby that Morgan got for her birthday (from us). Benjamin spent a lot of time with Connor, my 9 year old nephew. I think Morgan & Connor really enjoyed playing with them too.

There was a moment yesterday when we were leaving my aunt's house that made my heart smile. Benjamin goes up to my dad and says "Grandpa, are you going to Aunt Trina's house too?" I think it just makes me smile for two reasons - I have a child that calls my dad grandpa! And that Benjamin wanted him to come too. They are definitely more comfortable with my parents these days than they have been in the past. Now, if only, I could use them as a babysitter!!!

Catching Up

Well, in just under a month, Ben & Ella will be 3. Time goes by quickly - people who say that aren't kidding.

This past weekend, after learning about this place called Country Village in Bothell, we went to go visit it. I read on their website that they had a train and Ben & Ella have been talking about trains and busses all the time. So we went there this past Saturday when the weather was just beautiful. We got there, and the train ride wasn't ready yet so we played in a little playground that they have there for a while. Ben & Ella enjoyed climbing the ladder to the top of a pirate ship and also rocking on some horses down on the ground. They swung in the swings too. Nicholas enjoyed walking around. He was put into the swing but quickly voiced his disapproval as there were things to explore here. There were also roosters walking around - two of which started to fight when we were there.

After a while, the train ride was ready. It was a small little kid sized train but big enough for adults to go too. Ella & Benjamin really liked it and wanted to go on it again - as well as go into the bouncy house too. We decided to go into the Toys that Teach store. They got to play with a model train set for a while before we told them it was time for lunch. Benjamin went quietly after being told he could pick out a train to bring home. Ella - not so much. I had to take her kicking and screaming - ugh. Eventually, we went out. I went to go order some food while the other three watched the ducks in a little pond. The food was just eh and Ben & Ella apparently felt there was too much to look at to eat anything. Nicholas, since he didn't get a morning nap, was a bit cranky. So after lunch, we headed home so all 3 could take a nap.

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Apparently, the kids at daycare/preschool have been eating outside at lunch when it's been nice outside - as they should. And since then and since we went to Country Village, Ella keeps talking about a picnic. So when it has been nice outside, we eat our dinner outside. Ella wanted to eat outside last night but since it was windy and threatening more of a downpour, we did not. She was not pleased. No matter how much I told her it was cold and wet outside.

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Nicholas has been saying a lot more words lately. He said a big word the other day - outside. He hasn't said it since though. He knows what it means too. If you ask him to go outside, he heads straight for the door. He has said door before as well and something that sounds like bear. Before last night, if I needed to calm him down or get him to go to sleep I would give him this polar bear that he just is excited by. Last night, it just wasn't cutting it. I tried to get him to calm down (he was overtired - he fell asleep on the way home last night and the night before) but nothing was working...until I gave him this stuffed orange bull. He was happy with that - put it under his head and fell asleep using it as a pillow. Eventually, he moved off that so I could take it out of his crib.

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Other words that Nicholas has said - kitty or cat; nice (usually said when he is touching the kitty); and what's that. I'm sure there are others, but I'm blanking on them.

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Benjamin has informed me that his name is not Ben - it is Benjamin.

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Benjamin is doing better with potty training but still not quite there yet. I thought he was doing really well when we went to Country Village and to church and he wore underwear the whole time without wetting himself, but apparently, that wasn't quite yet the consistent behavior I want/need. He forgets to tell the daycare people when he needs to go and he forgets to tell us until it is just too late. We're trying though. He's only going to be 3 next month and I said my goal was to have him trained by the time he was 3 1/2 (at least day time training - nighttime training is something (I heard) I just can't control - that is more up to their body to mature to that point).

Ella - is great with her potty training...when it comes to pee. With poo - still an issue. I just don't know what to do. They have their 3 year checkup soon, so unless it has somehow worked out by then, I'll be asking the pediatrician for advice on this one.

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A while ago, I started to sing "lullaby" to the kids at night in hopes it would calm them down to go to bed (sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't - usually the latter). Anyway, the other day we were driving home and Ella starts singing it to her bear. SO. CUTE.

Now the version of Lullaby I sing doesn't have the same lyrics though it has the same melody and sometimes I forget my own lyrics. I'm surprised Ella hasn't told me that isn't the way it goes when I do that. It all started this way because I couldn't remember the actual lyrics. My lyrics are like this:

Lullaby and good night
Go to sleep my three children
Go to sleep now, Go to sleep
And rest your pretty eyes
Go to sleep my 3
Your mommy loves you
Go to sleep my 3
And I will see you tomorrow

Lullaby and good night
Go to sleep my little Ella
Go to sleep now, Go to sleep
And rest your pretty eyes
Go to sleep Ella
Your mommy loves you
Go to sleep Ella
And I will see you tomorrow

Repeat for Benjamin & Nicholas.

Happy 1/2 birthday, Nicholas!

Today, Nicholas turns 6 months! Where did the time go? My little guy is a busy little guy. He's pushing himself up really far on his hands and trying to get onto those knees. The other day he got onto his feet and did a little pushup and moved himself over a few inches. He has no problem with letting you know when he's displeased about not being held. This little guy LOVES to be held. This morning, I had to leave so I put him into his crib and said goodbye while Jon was finishing up his shower. Well, he cried out that I was going to leave him - on his 6 month birthday too! Rude!

Ella goes between calling him "baby dude" or "baby guy" (I will call him my little dude or my little guy). She loves to tickle him and most of the time he'll tolerate it. Benjamin will say "Nickas" sometimes, but will also just call him baby or mommy's baby. He isn't as affectionate toward Nicholas as Ella is, but I think Ella just wants to be the little mommy. She had a tight grip on her baby doll last night as we put her to bed.

Nicholas has said things that sound like "ma" (and once, he reached toward me as he said it) and he will imitate certain sounds too - sort of like a cooing gurgling sound. He will get very excited when he knows he's going to be picked up. He likes to kick out his legs and arms to show that excitement.

Tonight, we'll start him on solids so be sure to check my flickr page for pics of that messy fun! I'm excited for this to happen. He'll still get breast milk for as long as I can make it (I'd like to give him breast milk until he turns a year, but my supply is dwindling so we'll see if that happens - considering trying a herb to help produce more).

Tomorrow, we take him to his 6 month checkup so stats to be posted as soon as I have time to do so. :-D

Happy 1/2 birthday, my handsome little dude. Mommy loves you so very, very much. And so do your siblings (human and feline) and your papa. I look forward to our next 6 months together as you learn to crawl, walk and talk. May your teething go smoothly.

2 year birthday party

We had Ben & Ella's birthday party on June 20 at a nearby park that they love to play at. See pics of the party at www.flickr.com/photos/heathercim.

They played in the playground for a bit until it was time to eat. They didn't want to go eat, but I did, so we went and got some food. We chatted with friends and family while we ate. Later on, we sat down and opened some presents. Benjamin opened his first present, then Ella. When it was Benjamin's turn to open his 2nd present, he wanted me to get the stuff out of the first one! He started to cry because of it. Luckily, a friend of ours offered to get the stuff out and Benjamin was sorta happy with that and opened up other things.

After presents, we had a huge cupcake. The twins pretty much just ate the frosting.

Luckily, the day was nice. I was worried because it was raining quite a bit the previous day.

A couple of the presents that they got were for warm weather - over the past week, it was nice so we got them out. They were a couple things that you hook up to a hose and water comes spraying out. Ben & Ella were not so sure about these things and Ella freaked out when she got sprayed by some water. Hopefully, we can interest them in it by running in the water ourselves to show them it's o.k. However, Ella HATES it when we rinse her hair in the bath, so I don't know if that will help. We'll see. Benjamin might like it.

Anyway, it was a good day and we enjoyed seeing everyone there!

Welcome Nicholas James!

Nicholas James was born on February 25, 2009 at 4:17 a.m. He weighed 8 lbs 9 ounces at birth and is 21 inches long.

Here is our birth story (warning - it is a long post):

It is Tuesday morning and I'm feeling a lot of pressure and it is obvious that baby has lowered. I became a little concerned that I was leaking amniotic fluid but only a little as it wasn't anything like when my water broke with the twins. Just to be on the safe side, I went to the OB's office - thankfully, since I was in the vanpool that day, my boss said she would take me.

We get to the OB's office - she offers to wait until Jon gets there but I get called back before he does and I tell her she can go. My blood pressure was o.k. I had gained another 1 1/2 pounds since Friday (most likely water weight based on how my feet looked). The OB on call comes in and checks me out - no amniotic fluid and I had only dilated another .5 cm. Based on this, I thought I had would be one that would slowly dilate and it would be another week before baby #3 arrived. I was wrong.

Jon took me back to work. I was feeling mostly alright - just feeling that pressure. I stayed at work until 4:30 and went home with the vanpool. I wasn't feeling any noticeable contractions at this point. I waited until Jon got to the park 'n ride and we went to go pick up the twins from daycare. It is now about 5:20 or so and still nothing. I just needed to pee really badly, so we stopped by home first before getting the kids.

After we got home, we waited until a couple friends of ours got to our place to help me watch the twins before Jon went off to pick up his mom in Tacoma. She was coming to help us with the twins for whenever #3 decided to arrive. Good timing!

I started feeling a little icky (nauseous) when eating dinner that night. I had ordered a pizza for us and our friends and I don't think my body really liked that. But in any case, I was feeling pressure but I hadn't begun to feel any pain. But then it was like a switch went off and all of a sudden, I was having pain. I thought maybe, as is common for pregnant women, I was in a bit of pain because I was constipated (though I took medicine to help with that). But...the pain was coming in waves I had noticed - at first, maybe 10 minutes apart (I say maybe as I hadn't yet started timing them). This was about 7 or so. I started to time them a little after 8 and at that time, I think they were about 8 minutes apart. I knew then they were definitely contractions. They hurt but I could still talk through them mostly.

I decided to go take a shower in hopes that would relieve the pain I was in, and it did for a bit. But then I got out of the shower and the pain was becoming more intense and I noticed closer together. I tried to leave the bathroom numerous times to go lie down but it wasn't happening - the pain would just cripple me and I went to sit down until it passed. When Jon got there, he helped me to the bedroom to lie down, but that wasn't helping. I told Jon to call the OB. When the OB called back, I told her I wasn't sure if I was just having pain b/c of contractions or b/c of constipation (after all, I had a false alarm with the same OB earlier in the day so; for some reason, I was feeling nervous about looking silly again with her), but the pain was coming every 3-4 minutes at this point. She asked me if I wanted to wait until they became more intense or come in and get checked out to see if I was in labor - I said now (I wanted that epidural as quickly as possible if this was truly labor). Thank goodness we did because things were progressing fast.

When we got there, they eventually got me into a bed in triage and hooked me onto the monitor and checked how dilated I was. This was maybe 10:00-10:30? I thought for sure, the nurse was going to say 1.5 cm as it was earlier. Nope. I was at 3-4 cm. That is when I thought - I am truly in labor and I'm going to have this baby tonight.

After a while, we got the word that I was going to be admitted. This after being in the bed feeling the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life. They transferred me to the Labor & Delivery room where I was again hooked up onto monitors. This was maybe around midnight-maybe a little before? Not sure as the contractions made me feel out of it. I was sweating and just not with it. At some point being in there, I was checked again and in that space of time, went from 3-4 cm to 7 cm. OMG! This was going fast, but I had a thought that I'd probably get stuck at 7 and they'd have to do a c-section anyway. They also gave me an IV around this time and after 4 pokes and 3 different nurses, they finally got one in. My stupid small veins!

After suffering through many contractions, the nurse asked if I wanted a drug to help with the intensity before the epidural could be done. I nodded my head yes after she explained what that drug was. Speaking of, they asked some questions about our previous pregnancy and the c-section while I was going through the contractions - did they really think I could answer them? I could barely get through the contractions still breathing, let alone trying to have a conversation. Maybe they were asking Jon.

(oh, it turns out after reading the best ways to get through contractions, that I get through them best by moaning through them and saying "Oh my God, Oh my God"- that's about all I could say or "I can't do this." I told Jon later when I could talk again not that we're planning to have any more, but I don't want to do this ever again.)

Eventually, the anesthesiologist came and after several pokes of that, got it in. That's also fun trying to curl up while sitting up while going through some painful contractions. It's not easy. It was as if I was a brand new person once the epidural started working. I could talk and have a conversation. I could call my parents to let them know what was going on. I could text friends and family to let them know what was going on. Getting through the contractions were a piece of cake once the epidural started working. The epidural was doing its job around 2 a.m.

They told us to try to get some rest. This is when they do labor down or something like that for a couple hours before they check on my progress and pushing may begin. I tried to get some rest, but I was too anxious about the pushing part. Was I going to be able to do it? Was the baby going to be able to come out? Would I have to do a c-section anyway?

Well, around 3:45, I was going to start to find out. It was time to start pushing. I was at 10 cm. When they said it was time to push, I hoped that I was able to do it. After the first couple contractions came and I was pushing, I felt I was making no progress. The nurse had told me that for first time vaginal deliveries, it could be 2-3 hours of pushing so I wasn't getting too discouraged but I was a little. Oh, and there was no pain with pushing at all. Epidurals rock! The only discomfort I felt was some pressure and trying to hold my breath and push at the same time. After a little while, the baby's head was out a little and they asked me if I wanted to feel the head. I was hesitant at first, but I did feel and I just about started balling at that point feeling that head coming out of me. I was going to have another baby! I was going to be successful with VBAC. I would soon find out if it was a boy or a girl!

After a few more pushes, our little baby was out. I asked "what is it?" and although the nurse knew we didn't know, it seemed she laughed at my question. Jon looked down (as we told the nurse and OB that Jon was going to share the news with me) and announced "we have a son" in a voice that sounded as if he was crying.

I only pushed for 1/2 an hour before Nicholas was born. The nurse and OB kept calling me a rock star after the IV poking, the epidural taking more time than usual, then 30 minutes of pushing. The nurse in the postpartum unit said that they were impressed that I had a successful VBAC after having twins. They did have to give me some stitches as I had a 2nd degree tear (and let me tell you, it hurts to go to the bathroom as it stings. I'm hoping that will end soon. Because of that, I don't know which is worse in pain levels -a c-section or the vaginal delivery).

Nicholas is a healthy boy. He latched onto the breast right away. He really doesn't like his baths or getting his diaper changed - he really likes to be kept warm and snuggle (but a lot of babies are like that). The first full night was rough, but the 2nd night was better.

There are pics on my friend's flickr site if you would like to see. I will upload mine soon, I promise!

Benjamin is a little nervous around the new baby, but he has come up to pet his head and he gave him a hug. Ella immediately thought the new baby was a cool doll. She has shown some signs of jealousy though when she wants mommy to hold her and I can't because I'm feeding the baby. To help a little bit with that, I took her to Target with me to get some stuff while Jon hung out with Benjamin. My mother-in-law stayed with Nicholas.

I think that about covers it. Thank you to Kelly for coming to visit and taking some wonderful pictures. Thank you to Paul & Ally for making us dinner tonight and coming to visit yesterday! Thank you to Paul & Ally for being here the other night (the night it turns out I was in labor) and helping me out with the twins! Thank you to my mother-in-law for being her to watch the twins while we were at the hospital! Thank you to everyone who has given me support throughout this pregnancy. I truly appreciate it!

35

Today, I celebrated my 35th birthday. I had some friends over for a BBQ and some karaoke. It was nice to see everyone as if feels like forever since I've seen some of the people that came tonight. It has been a long time since I've seen a friend from support group and her family that (haven't seen since May) and a friend from law school (haven't seen since last May when I was stuck in the hospital). Life gets busy for everyone.

We do need to have people more often so the children aren't as nervous around our friends like they are now though they did seem to warm up to some by the end of the night.

All in all, it's been a good birthday. Now, it's time for bed. Yes, it's only a little after 9:30, but I'm exhausted!

14 months!

Happy 14 months to Benjamin & Ella!

Ella was so cute last night. I was trying to change her diaper and her clothes into nighttime clothes. I got her daytime clothes off and so she figured that was enough and she got up and smiled at me then walked behind the couch and looked at me and smiled from the other end of the couch on the opposite side I was on. She did this back and forth several times. Eventually, she got close enough that I was able to get her diaper changed and got her into nighttime clothes. Her little smile was so cute and she laughed when I said "Hi Ella."

Benjamin knows there are buttons on the tv now. He has changed the station numerous times (we're watching the Olympics). I guess this morning, he turned on the tv. He is such a sweetie. He will just come up to me at different times during the day or night to come give me a hug and snuggle into me. It is so completely adorable.

Ella will come give me a hug, sometimes, if I open my arms wide enough. Sometimes, she just ignores me. Oh, another cute thing that Ella does is that sometimes she's feeling extra nice and will go up to give Benjamin a toy thinking, I guess, he wants that toy to play with. At least she's sharing when she wants to. They will still fight over stuff though (and I'm sure that will only continue).

Both Benjamin and Ella are good sleepers for the most part. I think we've been lucky with that. They've been sleeping through the night for quite some time now. I do hope Benjamin's night terrors don't continue though. We will need to make sure he gets his 2 naps each day and goes to bed at a good time (though last night, they didn't go to bed until nearly 9 - which is just 1/2 hour off of normal time).

I can't believe that my babies are now 14 months old. When I saw a friend's 3 week old baby, it was hard to imagine that Ben & Ella were ever that tiny (even tinier really - that baby was born at around 8 1/2 pounds). It's been wonderful seeing them grow up. It will be challenging, though, to have another infant in the house with twin toddlers!

New Pictures & Birthday Question

I forgot to mention - I have new pictures on flickr now. :-D

And I can't remember if I've asked this question before or not. Is it silly or fun to have a birthday party for your one year old? I'm trying to decide if there would be anyone who would want to come see Benjamin and Ella stuff their faces with some cake or should it just be us?

Rolling Over and More

Benjamin rolled over again last night!!! I, of course, squealed with delight, and he smiled really big up at me. Yay Benjamin!

Tomorrow, my sweet babies will be 6 months old. I can't believe they're already 6 months old! We're going to start giving them solids at that time - that should be interesting. We're starting with rice cereal, then after a little bit, move onto other flavors - probably start with veggies first then go to fruits. I'm excited to see how they will react. We are going to try to video them eating solids for the first time so we can share with everyone.

Ella is so funny when she wakes up - I heard her talking this morning to something - maybe her bear mobile - then when I came in to get her, she gave me a huge smile. She's so cute. Benjamin was still sleeping when I left this morning, so he didn't see me go. :-(

Our DCP (day care provider) was telling me yesterday and told Jon this morning that Ella wants to eat every 2 hours or so - I think they need to give her more food - and well, I think she's ready for solids. She also cries when Jon leaves - unless she doesn't see him go and is distracted by the DCP.

Well, that's all for today.

Happy birthday, Jon!

Happy 37th birthday to my husband! I know that this birthday is even more special than all the other ones because of Benjamin and Ella.

Patiently Waiting

It is now 11:42 a.m., and I am trying my best to patiently wait for today’s beta results. I really wish I had the test done yesterday so I would already know. I’m going to go buy one of those HPTs – the digital one - when I get off work today and take it tomorrow morning. I just need to see one say “pregnant”.

We are having a lunch thing today to celebrate the birthday of my boss. We all think she turns 50 today, but she will always say she is 29 (though we thought we'd be funny and get her a happy 30th sign). I guess I need to go now to go celebrate. Hopefully, by the time the festivities end, the clinic will have called with some more great news!

33...and 1 Day

So...here I am at 33 years old. I never thought I would be where I am at this age - apparently, not everything goes according to plan.

Last night, I went to pick up Jon and we went off to dinner at Daniel's Broiler. We decided to splurge, for probably the last time in a long time due to IVF, and go to a fancy, schmancy place for dinner. I had thought we might just BBQ some steaks at home, but a coworker kept talking about this place because she was taking her husband there for his birthday. So I asked Jon if he wanted to go there, and it didn't take much for him say yes since he liked the last time he went there for a bachelor party.

Before we even get into the restaurant, Jon said he had a present for me. He pulled it out of his backpack and showed me a white box - a white box that held a white coffee cup with some little chocolates inside - the coffee cup said HHMI or something like that on it. Now, not that I don't like chocolate and him getting me a cup, but it wasn't exactly what I was expecting. :-D

So we go to the restaurant and get seated right away and the hostess asked us if we were celebrating anything, and I told her. She must have told the waiter because he said happy birthday to me when he came by. The food there was so yummy - the steak was really good and the mashed potatoes were really good. Later, the waiter (who was really friendly) came by with a dessert with a candle in it. It was a really nice dinner. I enjoyed it.

After dinner, we came back home (kitties were very excited because they could finally have their dinner) and Jon informed me that there was something in our kitty 'skyscraper'. It was the 2nd season of Lost!!! I don't know how those kitties did it, but that was certainly nice of them to get me that or were they hiding for themselves since it was in the house on their skyscraper? ;-D

Anyway, despite feeling a little on the depressed side yesterday, my birthday turned out very well.

Dreams & Another Year Older

I had the best dream last night – I was the happiest I have felt in such a long time. What made me so happy? I was pregnant. I was looking in the mirror and saw myself several months along. I was sad when I woke up and had to come back to reality. It reminds me of one of the episodes of The 4400 I saw a while back in which one of the main characters wanted to stay in this fantasy world because that is where her daughter was even if that meant that she would die in her real life. She was so happy there – she didn’t want to leave. I can understand.


As I was driving into work this morning, a song came on the radio called “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol. This song – every time I hear it, one part of it makes me think of the way I would feel the first time I saw my baby , and it made me cry this morning. We were talking in my support group last night how tired we all are for feeling sad all the time; for getting angry at something so small; and for feeling bitter about the world and maybe a bit cynical. It’s been nearly 5 years since we starting trying. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, and I want to feel happy, but it is just so hard right now. I want my dream to come true.

For my birthday, my husband and I are going out to dinner to this really nice steakhouse in Seattle called Daniel's Broiler. I've heard so many good things about it, so hopefully, it hasn't been overhyped and hopefully, the cost is worth it.

More Rollercoaster of Emotions

I'm not sure if it's remembering the events of 9/11, or the vanpool girl having her baby, or PMS, or anxiety over our first IVF cycle or what, but this afternoon, I just couldn't be at work anymore. I just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball and just cry. And when I got home, that's exactly what I did. I can't stand feeling this way. I have no motivation for work at all, which is really unfortunate timing since I have plenty of work to do. Oh, and my birthday is coming up on Wednesday - I'll be 33 years old. I never thought I would still be childless at 33, but then again, I never thought I'd ever do IVF and here I am, about to start on that journey of this IF rollercoaster.

What is wrong with me? Am I ever going to get out of this funk?

I've been watching Ellen DeGeneres' show since it started the new season last week, and she's been talking about making a life list - writing things down that you want to accomplish in your life. It's got to be pretty obvious what #1 is for me right now. One of the things that one of the guests mentioned putting on her list is "being able to say no without feeling guilty" and that got me thinking of a conversation I had with a coworker today as she was planning her husband's birthday party. She and I are very similar though she is 7 years younger than me - both of us feel like we need to please everyone all the time. We feel like we have to include everyone in everything though sometimes that just won't work. And we want to be considerate of others though sometimes they don't give us the same consideration (though sometimes people surprise us. I just got a birthday card from the last person I would have expected to remember my birthday and it isn't because he's inconsiderate (just the opposite, actually) - I just didn't think he would remember because we see each other maybe once or twice a year.)


Is that a flaw in our personalities? Both of us expressed desire in not wanting to be this way because being this way causes us pain sometimes. I guess that's why I feel guilt over not going to a friend's baby shower or not inviting this or that person to something I'm planning.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I need to go listen to some music that makes me happy and despite myself, that Justin Timberlake song "Sexy Back" is fun to listen to as is Christina Aguilera's "Ain't No Other Man" (which is currently my cell phone ring tone) (she really does have a good voice). Ha - "Sexy Back" just came on MTV! Nice timing!