Another post
I got a question from my last post from an anonymous person (which drives me crazy by the way - leave your name!!!) asking...
"What made you think that being fertile makes someone oblivious to complications during pregnancy?"
Apparently, that didn't come out the way I intended. It's just as a person who struggles with infertility, we tend to think about and stress about things more than if a person who got pregnant with no problems. I've seen this in my own life with those I know who got pregnant with no problems - and they can't seem to understand why I would be worried ALL THE TIME that something could go wrong. If you have had to experience problems getting pregnant or staying pregnant, you probably aren't as likely to be worried about losing the baby. I keep telling myself that after the next ultrasound, I'll really believe that I'm pregnant, but that next ultrasound keeps becoming the one after that. Most fertiles I know they see a positive pee stick and start celebrating - start picking out baby stuff. I can't do that yet. I'm even hesitant to buy maternity clothes because what if they tell me it is all over the next time I go in?
Now I know that not all fertiles are alike, just like like not any one person is alike, but from my experience, those I know who got pregnant with no problems don't really think about losing their baby each and every day - each and every hour. Sure, they think about things that could go wrong, but not nearly to the extent that the infertile women I know. People were actually telling me that they think I'm silly for wanting to sit out the department bowling party for fear of something happening to my babies - these are the people who got pregnant without any issues whatsoever.
I just wish I could feel more comfortable about this pregnancy - I wish I could believe that it is real. Gah, this is making me cry and since I'm at work - not exactly the best place to do that at, so I think I should stop this here.
"What made you think that being fertile makes someone oblivious to complications during pregnancy?"
Apparently, that didn't come out the way I intended. It's just as a person who struggles with infertility, we tend to think about and stress about things more than if a person who got pregnant with no problems. I've seen this in my own life with those I know who got pregnant with no problems - and they can't seem to understand why I would be worried ALL THE TIME that something could go wrong. If you have had to experience problems getting pregnant or staying pregnant, you probably aren't as likely to be worried about losing the baby. I keep telling myself that after the next ultrasound, I'll really believe that I'm pregnant, but that next ultrasound keeps becoming the one after that. Most fertiles I know they see a positive pee stick and start celebrating - start picking out baby stuff. I can't do that yet. I'm even hesitant to buy maternity clothes because what if they tell me it is all over the next time I go in?
Now I know that not all fertiles are alike, just like like not any one person is alike, but from my experience, those I know who got pregnant with no problems don't really think about losing their baby each and every day - each and every hour. Sure, they think about things that could go wrong, but not nearly to the extent that the infertile women I know. People were actually telling me that they think I'm silly for wanting to sit out the department bowling party for fear of something happening to my babies - these are the people who got pregnant without any issues whatsoever.
I just wish I could feel more comfortable about this pregnancy - I wish I could believe that it is real. Gah, this is making me cry and since I'm at work - not exactly the best place to do that at, so I think I should stop this here.
Labels: Pregnancy
posted by seattlegal @ 9:13 AM
15 Comments:
At 9:57 AM ,
KeDaCoMo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
At 10:00 AM ,
KeDaCoMo said...
sorry. I spelled something wrong in the last post. that was me that deleted. but I said....
Gah. What an inconsiderate question. I totally did not take it as you saying that all fertile women are oblivious to complications. My last two pregnancy had minor complications and my first had a major complication to where I was on medication to keep me from having her too early. Not all are and I know you know that, being that you are my sister and you know what my pregnancies were like. Clearly a fertile person would be less anxious about losing the babies or have any complications. I, for one, didn't start to worry until I knew something was wrong.
At 1:22 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Very very well said! I worried from the moment of conception till I was in the OR prepped for C-section. After you are infertile, then get pregnant then miscarry, you NEVER look at pregnancy the same way as lookatmeandigetpregnant people. I was never able to enjoy my pregnancies like my friends because I was always waiting for something to go wrong. Sad but true.
At 1:31 PM ,
Nickie said...
To the anonymous commenter:
Not knowing who you are or what your story is, I have to assume that you are someone who did not struggle for long to get pregnant. You're very lucky. For someone who takes years to finally get pregnant and then loses that miracle it's a very different experience to finally get pregnant again. When you experience month after month after month of nothing but bad stuff happening wrt to fertility, you get to the point where you assume that the worst is what's most likely to happen. Even when the good stuff happens (pregnancy, good u/s report) you still worry that your luck is going to run out soon. It's like why should this time be so different than the others?
And don't forget the knowledge factor. When you have to resort to science to get pregnant, you learn a LOT about the mechanism of pregnancy and conception and in that knowledge you find out just how miraculous it truly is for things to work out right - ever!
With my son, I was a lucky fertile who got pg w/in 3 mo of a m/c and was blissfully ignorant enough to just believe in my heart that everything was going to be fine this time. And for the most part, it was. I was so lucky. At the time I just assumed it would, why wouldn't it, right? Now, after years of secondary infertility and another m/c I know that nothing is a given - nothing! All I can do is try to hold on to the fact that so far, things are going well and hope that my luck holds out long enough to deliver a healthy baby.
At 5:05 PM ,
Jaimie said...
You didn't say anything wrong in your blog. You didn't say everyone wasn't concerned about problems. You are just more aware. It didn't come naturally and you had to work really hard to get here. First the battle was to get pregnant, now the battle will be to stay pregnant. Make it through the first trimester, then the second, then 36 weeks. On top of what you have gone through, obviously you have more to worry about since you know you have twins. I am a worrier and no matter what I have to do to get pregnant I am going to be freaked as hell about what happens after that. (I'm not meaning to make you feel any more worried. I am just stating the obvious).
It is kind of like how some people have gone through life having things handed to them. They may not appreciate it as much as those of us who have had to work our asses off. It is understandable to be concerned about every little thing. But as I am sure you know, it isn't good for you or the babies to be stressed from worrying. If you can take the time in your vanpool or a bit before you go to bed to meditate or read or something to try and let your mind just go. It might help a bit. I have to because I am such a spaz about pretty much everything.
At 7:55 PM ,
Dr. Grumbles said...
There are fertile women who have had very difficult pregnancies and "get" it, but I think we've all met many more who assume a positive HPT guarantees a baby.
At 8:31 PM ,
Anonymous said...
How about if we all just agree that making generalizations about the way someone thinks, based on the ease of which they got pregnant, is not a good idea.
At 7:56 AM ,
seattlegal said...
Those last two posts were written when I was upset. When you're upset, do you usually make the most sense and say the right thing?
At 8:41 AM ,
Baby Blues said...
It's real and although pregnancy was never meant to be comfortable, I think you're doing a good job embracing it. Pregnancy is scary for everyone. The physiologic changes are real. The fear is just magnified when you've been through a lot to get pregnant. Because we've come a long way... and yet a new journey has just begun.
At 10:30 AM ,
KeDaCoMo said...
to "Myrtle"
How about we agree that reading into what people are trying to say and changing the meaning of their words is a bad idea. If you have not had any connection to infertility then you should not makes comments about what someone who does says on their blog.
At 11:36 AM ,
Anonymous said...
kedacomo, your arguement could be used for either the "fertile" or "infertile" side of this.
rash generalizations only serve to alienate people.
we all know what happens when we assume things.....
At 12:24 PM ,
seattlegal said...
Once again, posting anonymously.
anon - These posts were just what I was feeling at the moment - can you please just let it go?
At 12:25 PM ,
seattlegal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
At 12:27 PM ,
seattlegal said...
By the way, it is spelled argument.
And why did you put fertile and infertile in quotes? Do you not believe that people can be fertile or infertile?
At 10:37 AM ,
KeDaCoMo said...
Anon- Really! just let it go and stop posting on this blog. My sister has gone through alot to get where she is and still has a long road ahead of her. It is clear that you are causing her some frustration by your comments. Please go stand on your soap box somewhere else b/c we don't want it here.
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