Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Saturday, December 23, 2006

So Much For Sleeping In...

Today was supposed to be the first day in a long time that we got to sleep in (though since my husband took yesterday off, he got to sleep in then). We didn't have any shots to wake up to do - we didn't have any work to head off to, so we were excited about sleeping in.

Well, that all changed when I woke up a little after 6 and noticed pinkish blood on the tissue and bright red blood in the toilet. I freaked out as the doctor told us on Thursday to call if the the brownish blood turned to red or pink. I laid in bed for about an hour, when I needed to go the bathroom again. This time, the bright red blood looked almost like a blood clot or tissue or something. I freaked out even more. All the while, I've been having some cramping.

I laid in bed some more when we decided to call the OB's office's answering service. At this time, I had done quite a bit of crying for I feared that I was really losing my babies this time. I was really sobbing.

We called the answering service and had the doctor on call paged. She called back about 15 minutes later, and we told her what was going on. She just told me that as long as the blood isn't filling up a pad every hour, then I should take it easy today and for another week. She said to lay down and put my feet up and refrain from exercise or intercourse. This is quite the time for me to take it easy - there is so much to be done still to prepare for company coming over, but I guess my husband will, unfortunately, have to take over most of the duties (which I feel bad for).

I really wanted to be able to relax this Christmas. I wasn't going anywhere - my family (hopefully, if they can get over the pass) and Jon's family were coming to us. After Thursday's ultrasound, I was starting to feel really good about this pregnancy. Really starting to believe that this would finally be it for us - we will be parents. Then the bleeding this morning changed all that. I need to make it to Tuesday when we are scheduled for our first official OB visit. I just need to make it to Tuesday - one day at a time, I guess. Why can't things ever be easy? Why do things have to be so unfair?

For those of you who have gone through infertility then got pregnant, I'm sure you know all the feelings I've been having. I just can't imagine that God would be this cruel - to finally give us the gift of a pregnancy only to take our babies away from us. I just have to hope and pray that everything will be o.k. for our little babies. I have to hope and pray that they are strong little babies.

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  • At 10:25 AM , Blogger onehm said...

    I will pray for you, your husband and those babies! It took us eight years (and adopting 3) before we got pregnant! God does have a plan...I am sill trying to figure it out! Keep up the positive thinking and rest, rest, rest!

  • At 12:18 PM , Blogger My Reality said...

    I really hope that everything is ok with the babies. I will keep everything crossed that things will turn out ok. Take it easy and rest.

  • At 1:20 PM , Anonymous Scarlett said...

    I'm sorry that you are experiencing bleeding. That is one of the worst things in pregnancy. I had a lot of bleeding in my first pregnancy, and was put on strict bed rest. The bleeding continued off and on for several weeks, even though my Progesterone levels were fine, and even though we saw heartbeats during ultrasounds. I did later miscarry unfortunately, but it wasn't anything to do with the bleeding. Unfortunately, IVF pregnancies statistically experience a lot more bleeding. :(

    Some people bleed through most (or the entire) pregnancy, and deliver a healthy baby. Some people bleed through some of their pregnancy, and lose the pregnancy regardless of the bleeding being there or not. Science hasn't quite caught up to A.R.T., YET....and it really is more of an "ART" at this point, than a science, sadly...

    One thing I wanted to say though, is that G-d does not take things away from people. G-d is not there to be cruel. G-d does not cause illness, or cause miscarriage, or cause pregnancy. I think sometimes people forget that humans were granted "Free Will", so much of what happens is up to us and the events of the immediate world around us. :)

    If I believed that a G-d would be so cruel as to grant "pregnancies/babies" to only *some* people, and sometimes "take them away" through miscarriage, late pregnancy loss, or later childhood circumstances, then that would be a cruel G-d, and one I would not have much interest in, to be frank.

    This is my perspective, because I do not like the concept of G-d "punishing" people, or when people say things happen for a "reason". I don't believe people get illnesses like cancer, or have miscarriages for a "reason" or "to learn something". I've heard people say that before, and that type of thought process has always bothered me. I think it always comes back to Free Will, and that many people forget that G-d's level of involvment in our day-to-day lives is much less than what we think it is. The Stirrup Queens' used a good analogy earlier this week, likening G-d to a parent -- as a parent, G-d wants the best for everyone, just as any mom or dad would for his/her child. I can see their viewpoint quite clearly -- especially taken into context of one's own parents. Surely our parents all want the best for us, and if we want to get pregnant through A.R.T., I'm sure our parents hope that it works, and they support us in what ways they can, but when it comes down to it, they can't do much about whether the A.R.T. procedure is successful or not.

    So, please don't feel that you are being singled out for fertility struggles, or bleeding in pregnancy. You're not. :) It's not fair, life generally isn't, but Free Will means a G-d that is not interfering and meddling with every little turn in our lives. In other words, G-d is not a puppet master, nor are we the puppets. ;)

    Anyway, I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you can get some rest and the bleeding stops.

  • At 2:12 PM , Blogger OHN said...

    Listen to the doc and stay off your feet. I know that is very very hard to do with the holidays but it is well worth it in the end. I felt so much better knowing that I was doing all that I could to keep my little guy healthy and growing.
    I think we all know someone that had bleeding throughout their pregnancies and delivered wonderful babies--try not to stress yourself out too much :)

  • At 4:12 PM , Anonymous Kelly said...

    Oh, no! I'm hoping with all my might for the best. Let me know if there is *anything* I can do to help. I mean it. And it's OK to not keep the holiday obligations you've agreed to. Everyone would understand. Even the fun stuff is stessful and you can always do it later.

    So, just a question from a layman's perspective? Could this be related to going off of the PIO shots? It seems that the change in levels could lead to this symptom to me.

  • At 6:14 PM , Blogger the waiting line said...

    will be thinking of you and praying/hoping those babies continue to grow strong and healthy!

    have a great holiday.


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