Dreams & Another Year Older

I had the best dream last night – I was the happiest I have felt in such a long time. What made me so happy? I was pregnant. I was looking in the mirror and saw myself several months along. I was sad when I woke up and had to come back to reality. It reminds me of one of the episodes of The 4400 I saw a while back in which one of the main characters wanted to stay in this fantasy world because that is where her daughter was even if that meant that she would die in her real life. She was so happy there – she didn’t want to leave. I can understand.


As I was driving into work this morning, a song came on the radio called “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol. This song – every time I hear it, one part of it makes me think of the way I would feel the first time I saw my baby , and it made me cry this morning. We were talking in my support group last night how tired we all are for feeling sad all the time; for getting angry at something so small; and for feeling bitter about the world and maybe a bit cynical. It’s been nearly 5 years since we starting trying. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, and I want to feel happy, but it is just so hard right now. I want my dream to come true.

For my birthday, my husband and I are going out to dinner to this really nice steakhouse in Seattle called Daniel's Broiler. I've heard so many good things about it, so hopefully, it hasn't been overhyped and hopefully, the cost is worth it.