Dreams & Twins

Last night I dreamt that my doctor wanted me to go back into the hospital...already. Not even 10 weeks and I need to be in the hospital. I guess I have that fear still that something will go wrong, and I can't seem to shake it. I don't see my OB and have an ultrasound for another 17 days, so I'll have until then to think about this and worry about this even more.

And now onto stories about Ben & Ella...

Ella has also learned a new word - outside. She will stand by our french doors and yell loudly with something that sounds like outside. She will bring you her shoes for you to put on her so she can go outside. She will give you her shoes, sit down in your lap and wait for you to put on her shoes. It’s rather cute.

Benjamin decided to climb up to the slide on the playset we have and go down headfirst. That boy is becoming more daring as he grows older. He is starting to walk and will just let go of whatever he’s holding onto and walk toward someone without them realizing what he’s doing until he falls into their laps. He thinks it is hilarious. He has been making great progress in his walking abilities so I don’t think it will be too long before he’ll be walking on his own.

Dad's Dream

From my Feb. 9, 2007 post (thanks to my sister for finding it):

"Oh, I forgot to mention that when I was talking to my dad earlier, he mentioned he had a dream that I gave birth to my twins and there was one boy and one girl, but then he went on to say that in a 1 ½ years, I will give birth to yet another baby. Yikes! That’s great that I could get pregnant on my own without any medical intervention, but that would too many kids under 2!"

Yikes is right! My dad is rather close with his dream. The twins will be 21 months when the new baby is born. Too bad he doesn't know the sex of the 3rd one. A coworker did the ring test on me again the other day because before it only said a girl and a boy. This time, it's showing another girl then it ends.

Icky Dream & more

I had a bad dream last night that Ella started to have seizures and then her face became distorted like one's face would become when looking in a funhouse mirror. I think what caused me to have such a horrible dream was that after I woke up with Ella at 3:45 a.m. (I don't know why she's waking up in the middle of the night these days) and gave her a bit to eat as she seemed to be hungry, I put her down as soon pretty soon after she was done eating and I was afraid she would choke. She's not sleeping on the elevated pillow thing anymore and she still spits up a lot.

She woke up again around 6 this morning. I think Ella woke up even before her 3:45 feeding as I remember Jon coming from downstairs with her as I bringing Benjamin out of his room. Benjamin woke up about 2:30, I think, then again around 6. What can we do to get these babies to sleep all through the night - in ella's case, sleep through the night again? There's a meeting on Monday night with one of the multiples groups I'm involved in that will have a speaker talking about sleep issues. Jon's mom and cousin are visiting on Monday, and since I've never met one of Jon's extended family members, I'm kinda interested in meeting her. It almost seemed like Jon's parents don't talk to their siblings or other family members as I never hear about them - well, hardly ever. We'll see how it goes. I may be able to meet her when I get home from work (yes, I have to work on Monday) and then go to the meeting.

Well, that's all for now

Variety of Topics (23 weeks 2 days)

I was just reading another blog and it got me thinking about my grandmother’s twin pregnancy with my aunt & uncle. My aunt and uncle are 43 years old now. My grandmother is a small woman – she’s maybe 5 feet tall – maybe. I’m 5’4”. I wonder how she did it too when this was her last pregnancy and she had other kids at home. My grandparents had 5 other kids before the twins came. My uncle, the youngest at the time, was around 2; my mom, being right in the middle, was 10; and my eldest aunt was probably 17 or 18 at the time – maybe my mom can confirm this for me. How did she do it? I only have my furbabies to take care of and well, they’re kitties so they take care of themselves pretty well. I can’t imagine taking care of other children while I was pregnant with twins.

Another thing that I’ve been thinking about is something that came up last night with my husband – would we want to do IVF again to have another child once the twins are a bit older? And the answer I have right now is no. Even if we had the money, I’m not sure if I could do it again. I realize that many women have done IVF several times and I only did it once, but once was plenty. As a person who hates needles, it was a lot to do IVF that one time. I was a brave woman, I think, to take on all those shots and even more, to do some of the shots myself! If we were to have any other kids, I think it would have to happen without the help of the medical world – it would have to be a miracle conception.


Right now, just sitting her at my desk on my lunch break, I am having trouble catching my breath. I don’t really like this feeling – it feels like I just went on a good long run. I am very much feeling myself slow down. I’m just not able to do some things like I used to. Walking around Greenlake would be impossible for me right now without many rest stops. And last night, it took me close to an hour and a half to get home and by that time, my hips and back were just killing me! The last thing I wanted to do was clean and I really needed to do that. At least tonight is my exercise class with the PT that we will actually do some exercises so I’m hoping that will help some.

On to some news that I love - last night, our baby girl was moving around so much. At one point, it really felt like she was trying to fight her way out of her current home. And at another point, I think I felt her move what could have been her legs and her arms as I felt it in two different spots.

And our baby boy had hiccups early this morning – poor little guy -though it is nice to feel them in anyway I can get it. Have I mentioned that I love feeling them move?

I had a good dream last night too – I dreamt that I was standing in front of some sort of machine that sorta looked like an ATM but was some kind of ultrasound machine and I was able to see our baby boy’s face so clearly and he had his eyes open and smiling. What a cutie! I didn’t see our baby girl though – maybe because I woke up before that could happen. I appreciate good dreams.

Dreams & Another Year Older

I had the best dream last night – I was the happiest I have felt in such a long time. What made me so happy? I was pregnant. I was looking in the mirror and saw myself several months along. I was sad when I woke up and had to come back to reality. It reminds me of one of the episodes of The 4400 I saw a while back in which one of the main characters wanted to stay in this fantasy world because that is where her daughter was even if that meant that she would die in her real life. She was so happy there – she didn’t want to leave. I can understand.


As I was driving into work this morning, a song came on the radio called “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol. This song – every time I hear it, one part of it makes me think of the way I would feel the first time I saw my baby , and it made me cry this morning. We were talking in my support group last night how tired we all are for feeling sad all the time; for getting angry at something so small; and for feeling bitter about the world and maybe a bit cynical. It’s been nearly 5 years since we starting trying. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, and I want to feel happy, but it is just so hard right now. I want my dream to come true.

For my birthday, my husband and I are going out to dinner to this really nice steakhouse in Seattle called Daniel's Broiler. I've heard so many good things about it, so hopefully, it hasn't been overhyped and hopefully, the cost is worth it.