Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A long blog post

I have a few things I wanted to blog about and now I finally have a bit of time to do so. I really should finish my cleaning while the babies are sleeping, but I want to write these things down before I forget to do so...

First, good news regarding the stroller. Jon got it to fit into our trunk! Had we done a thorough reading of the instructions we probably would have known that one part of the stroller will fold down further when you pull up on parts on either side of the stroller. Oops. Well, I'm glad he figured it out so we don't need to get another stroller right now. We will need to eventually when the babies outgrow these car seats, but now we at least have a few more months with this stroller.

Second, Ben's circumcision didn't happen today. My mother in law came up this morning to watch Ella and Jon took time off work and the OB felt that a specialist should take care of this circumcision rather than her. She said she could probably do it, but she would feel better if the specialist did it. So now we are looking at Tuesday morning as the circumcision date. I guess this is o.k. as my insurance company still hasn't updated their system to show that the twins are covered and Jon's insurance doesn't cover circumcisions.

Third, a question to all the twin parents out there - when you are at home alone with them and they are the same feeding schedule - how do you feed them? Since Ella won't breastfeed, I've pretty much gone to bottlefeeding breast milk or formula and so I sit each of them down on a boppy so that they are in a semi-reclined position and feed them that way. That can be a bit tiring on the arms - particularly, the wrists. How do you feed your twins?

Fourth, speaking of breastfeeding. I've become a bit discouraged. My milk supply doesn't seem to be all that great. I have a feeling it's because I need to pump more, but I barely have time to pump more than 4 times in a day - and sometimes, I don't get around to pumping more than twice (which can be quite uncomfy). I feel horrible because of this because I would love it if I could just feed them breastmilk, but that just isn't going to happen. I'm trying to tell myself (like I wrote earlier but really didn't believe) that giving formula on top of breast milk is o.k. but sometimes I just have a hard time believing it.

Fifth, those feelings bring on another thing I wanted to write about - When I was at the OB's office today for the circumcision that didn't happen, my OB asked how I was feeling and most of time I feel o.k. though I've only really had one full day on my own so far. yesterday, I spent half the day with a friend and today, I had Jon's mom. Tomorrow, I will be on my own except for when a friend comes around lunchtime and Friday I'll be on my own. I told my OB how anxious I am about it and how Jon isn't at all and she said it is normal for a mom to be more anxious about it than the dad. She said though if I start to feel really overwhelmed that I should ask for more help and I should call her. Honestly, there are times that I just don't know if I can do it. I had a breakdown yesterday over the fact that I couldn't figure out the car seat (couldn't get the straps to loosen so I could get Ella in her carseat - I eventually found the instructions to figure it out) and that I felt I would be stuck in our house for the next 2 months. Completely irrational, but that's what I was thinking. Another thing I'm anxious about (or rather frustrated with) is the fact that the hospital time took 5 weeks of my maternity time away from my time with the babies (even though I am anxious about being alone with them) - I would think maternity time should start at birth not when I was admitted into the hospital. The hospital time should be other disability leave! Grr!!!

Sixth, I feel like I should say, after writing the above, that I completely adore Ben & Ella. They are just the cutest babies and I love being their mother - there are just times that it is a lot to handle. I really keep meaning to take more pictures of them to share - they are growing so fast. When we weighed them at home (by weighing ourselves then ourselves with each baby), Ben weighs a little over 9 pounds and Ella a little over 8 pounds. They don't get an official weight check until their 2 month check up (during which time they will have to endure immunization shots).

Seventh, a question to any mother. We have a co-sleeper bed - one that attaches to the side of the bed. The thing is that Ella, in particular, seems to only sleep well when she is being held or close to someone. Ben can sleep in the co-sleeper but one way or another ends up in bed with us at night. I really don't feel comfortable with them being in the bed, but they do sleep longer periods when they are with us. Any advice on this? Have others done this? Are there ways to make Ella feel better about sleeping in her own bed- eventually, we'll be moving them into their cribs and they will be even further away from us!

And finally, I walked around Greenlake the other day! True, I did have stop once and at the end, I was hurting again but I did it! I was supposed to go walking around Greenlake on Monday but due to a friend's problem with furniture delivery, that didn't happen. Then we were going to go again on Tuesday but another friend needed her help so it didn't happen again. Hopefully, we'll be able to go sometime next week. However, I am going to try to meet some women from my childbirth class on Friday for a walk around the lake. The only issue is getting the babies ready in time! Speaking of - when I left to go hang out with a friend yesterday and had to get the babies ready on my own - just OMG! That was a bit difficult at times trying to get things ready while at the same time making sure the babies were fed, diapers changed and dressed as well as myself dressed too! It took me a while to get ready!

Well, that's all - and I know it's quite a bit. Hopefully, next time, I'll have some photos to share! Anxiously waiting to hear from Alli - I'm assuming she had her baby girl since we haven't heard from her since Sunday!


  • At 9:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Why not give the new little guy a chance to decide for himself about a circumcision, when he grows up?

    There's plenty of reason to think that what's cut off is important, and there are risks, it's real surgery.

    It's not uncommon for adult men to be upset that part of their sex organ was taken from them.

    It's okay if you don't publish this comment. I just want you to know that you can protect your boy from this unnecessary surgery, and that he'll appreciate later that you do. Of course, should he ever decide he'd rather be circumcised, he can always do so. If you decide for him, he'll have no choice.

    Thanks for listening.

  • At 2:56 AM , Blogger Heather said...

    I don't have any advice on feeding or handling twins. I had a singleton here. I think you are amazing being able to handle twins, so hang in there. On the breastfeeding, take it easy on yourself. I was able to, but I am not a breastfeeding nazi. You are trying to recover and take care of two babies! Do not stress yourself out about how often you can pump or if you have enough milk. Just make sure they get the food they need from where ever you can provide it. You're stil a good mum if you use a bottle.

    Also, I agree the anxiousness is normal. I remember having a hard time getting one baby out the door. I can't imagine two!!!

  • At 9:43 AM , Blogger Nickie said...

    Tristan sleeps better if he's closer to me too. I think just keep at it, she'll get used to it over time. Might try swaddling too.

    I hear ya on getting out of the house, it's so much tougher than I remember with just one. I can only imagine twins makes it that much tougher. Luckily, my oldest is pretty self-sufficient and gets himself mostly ready. I do find I'm in PJs well into the 10am hour most days though. LOL

    As for the emotional stuff. Yes, feeling anxious about being alone with them is normal, but if it's so intense that you can't see how you'll make it thru, that might be too much. If it's just the anticipation of the new and unknown, I'd say that's normal. If after a few days alone with them the feeling doesn't get better, then I'd call the OB. The anxiety was the worst part for me last time and the part that I feared the most this time.

  • At 10:23 AM , Blogger KeDaCoMo said...

    To anonymous, first...
    I think that is up to the parents to decide and actual it is less painful, (not to mention less costly) to do it as an infant.

    Just a note, though. I have two boys that are not circumcised b/c we choose that for the reasons you stated, but if you had been reading her blog, you would have known that they did put alot of thought to this and this is what they decided. I think, to each their own, you know?

    Now to Heather, uh, where to start?

    1- glad the stoller fit, that saves alot of trouble.

    2- I think it would be better to have someone who specializes in it than the OB.

    3- not a mother of twins, but they are 16 months apart and I think what your doing will have to work?
    But then again I am not a mother of twins.

    4- I found that when I pumped more than actual feeding, that my milk supply withered. You might need to just be formula only? Just a side note, Sneezer was the only one that was formula only and she is the only one that has not had any health problems. But I am not knocking breastfeeding, I did it with the other 3.

    5- Those feeling of getting easily upset might never subside. I still freak out over little things to this day, it is just part of being a mother. And I am sure it being hot outside did not help you situation.

    6- I want to see pics!! Sneezer said that they were bigger.

    7- Sometimes when they are laying in the co-sleeper and just making grunting noises, they might just be adjusting to a more comfortable place. Let them do this and don't pick them up unless they are really crying. This will help them get themselves comfortable in their own bed and they will sleep better. Trust me, I made the mistake of having the baby sleep in the bed and she kick hubby out and is still there after 5 years!!

    and finally, Kudos for you for getting out and walking. I dont think I did with any of them, which explains alot. Sounds like you are doing great, but if you feel you need to talk or anything, I am just a phone call away!!


  • At 10:25 AM , Anonymous another heather said...

    Regarding your milk supply: yes, you need to pump more to keep it up. I know it is tough, but it is necessary and important to establish your supply. After the first crucial months, it is much more difficult to increase it again. The more milk you use (through feeding or pumping, although the baby does a better job of getting it out than a pump), the more you will make. Seriously. Have you tried the football hold with them? I only have a singleton, but with the 3 sets of twins I used to nanny for, the mothers all used the football hold to feed them--that way they could both be fed at the same time. Please look into a lactation consultant for help. Use them! Your insurance will likely cover the visits.

    Don't feel bad about supplementing your breastmilk with formula. Breastmilk is so important! Getting some is better than none. Having said that though, keep in mind that the fewer feeds/pumpings you do, the lower your milk supply will be.

    Breastfeeding is tough. Breastfeeding twins is more than double tough. Kudos to you for sticking with it!

    For weighing: the Overlake Women's Center in Issaquah (I believe you live out East...?) has a baby scale that is free to use anytime. Just walk in and weigh them. The downside is that they are only open M-F 9:30-5:30 AND you have to walk through the botique with the CUTEST BABY STUFF in it. ;-)

    Do you still swaddle the babies when you put them to bed? That is the "best" way to make them feel snug and secure. My singleton also had a preference to sleep with us early on--it is a big change for a baby to go from the warm, comfortable uterus to the cold, outside world! After 4-6 weeks, things settle down a bit. Mine is now just over 2 months and on a regular bedtime routine (bath, massage, story, nursing) and she sleeps like a champ in her own crib--9 hours straight (these results are not typical, however).

    You're doing great! The babies are beautiful and you are a great mom! Keep up the good work (and the pumping!)

  • At 1:18 PM , Blogger The Dunn Family said...

    I'm going to try and remember what you asked and respond to as much as I can, but feel free to email me personally with more questions!

    I have 3.5 month old b/g twins so I'm just a little ahead of you.

    I was SO afraid of double feeding at first, because the first time I tried it, Jake spit up his entire bottle on me, the couch, and the rug. Not fun! But feeding one after the other took SO long, and if they both freaked at the same time, I spent the entire time feeding one and trying to stink the binky in the other's mouth, so I decided to retry the double feeding. What I do is sit on the end of my couch and put my son propped up on the edge of the couch across my lap. My daughter sits on the boppy next to me, and the way they are positioned I can rest my arms. I actually have a picture of it on my blog.

    I was SO scared of being home alone with them when my DH first went back to work. It's overwhelming and scary and all I kept thinking was, what if they both freak out at the same time and I can't console my kids. And what I realized is, it's going to happen. Do one thing at a time, realize that babies don't cry to death, and pat yourself on the back for being able to do it. Because you will be able to. Sometimes I have to just laugh when I'm warming bottles and they are both screaming and I try to talk to them and they stop for a minute and look at me, and then scream louder. It's like "mom, I don't care what you are talking about, I want a bottle!!!" ...

    One thing I forced myself to do was get out of the house, A LOT! Even if it was just to go to Bed Bath and Beyond to get a frame (that's all I could carry with the stroller). It made me feel good and normal and functional. I go for walks a lot, and on the way home, I always take the long way, listen to music and sing out loud. Again, makes me feel normal.

    Hang in there ... again, email me directly if you have more questions or just want support. I'm in the same boat!

  • At 7:29 AM , Blogger Jennifer said...

    I have 7 week old g/g twins. I can echo many of the sentiments you have expressed!

    In terms of feeding...I too had all sorts of grand ideas. I would BF for a whole year. No formula. At the same time. Ha. I had to scrap that pretty quick.

    Avery BFs like a champ...but maddie rarely latches on. So she gets breastmilk in a bottle. And in terms of formula...they BOTH get formula. I'd say Avery is about 70 percent breastmilk and 30 percent formula. Maddie, sadly, is the opposite. It is the best i can do. I pump as often as possibe but it never seems to be enough to get maddie more breastmilk and to add to the stash in the freezer (double ha). I have a rented hospital grade pump, but nothing gets milk out quite like a baby can.

    My kids are not on the same feeding schedule, so i can avoid that pain you talk about. I feed one, burp, put on play mat and repeat with other. I also have a nanny here during the day and that helps me a lot. It is way too hard to do alone.

    Ad when i am alone wth is INTENSE. I have a hard time handling it. It was a long road to get these babies and I am so graeful but still...I fall apart to some extent every day. It's awful because I had this image of the type of mom I would be. And you can't be that when there are two of them. At least not yet.

    I think it will take me a long time to get the hang of the twin thing. In the meantime, i am following along with your story becasue so many parts of it are the same as mine.

  • At 6:46 PM , Blogger Kerry Lynn said...

    I'm sorry to jump in here...I didn't even read your entire post! but I HAD to comment on the circumcision and maybe give you a suggestion. My son was too small at birth and the OB said she couldn't do it. After we left the hospital the Pedi told us a pedi urologist would have to do it and he would be put under general anesthesia! we thought that was quite unnecessary for something that is perfomed on a daily basis. So I thought outside the box. I called a jewish temple in my town (we're not jewish)to find out if they ever do non-ceremonial circumcisions. I spoke to a mohel and the next day I was at his house (yesterday) having the procedure done at 4 months old! we had to pay him $200 but like you i'm sure we would have run into the insurance not paying for it at the hospital.

    and now I have to go one step further. one of the reasons people say that circs are unnecessary is that if you teach him how to clean it you won't have a problem with infection. Ok, I believed that. But are you telling me that when your son is 12 years old and going through the whole "i'm not taking a shower" phase that you're going to be on him to make sure his penis is being cleaned properly?????
    THEN, the mohel told me that for some babies it IS necessary to remove the foreskin in order to clean it properly. If the foreskin is loose then it isn't necessary to remove it because it is easily moved around in order to clean. If it is tight it can be too difficult and often painful to pull it back in order to clean. He told me that my son was borderline and that he would have recommended a circ for him anyway.

    The prodecure was so simple. He put numbing cream on it and we waited about an hour. We laid him on the table, I held him down, the mohel did the prodecure in literally 20 seconds. He was crying but I know it was just because he was being held down. He bandaged him up, we waited about 10 minutes, he checked it to make sure it wasn't bleeding too much and we were on our way. He totally fell asleep on the way home and since then he has not acted fussier than normal at all!

    Anyway, just wanted to give you the suggestion to think outside the box.

  • At 7:49 PM , Blogger GLouise said...

    Aww- you sound like you are doing great although I am sure it is really overwhelming at times.

    I have heard that pumping isn't as "efficient" as actual breastfeeding, so maybe you can alternate BF with pupmping and formula to help keep up your supply? The kellymom website may have some good tips for moms with twins.

    You sound like you are doing GREAT.

  • At 5:00 AM , Blogger TeamWinks said...

    Our little man sleeps better when snuggling in bed with us. However, I sleep like crap when he's there. I'm terrified of rolling over on him. So, after a whole lot of nail biting and sleepless nights, we made him stay in a bassinet bedside. At two and a half months, we moved him to his crib. He actually sleeps best there. Turns out my husband's snoring was actually waking him up. Not sure if there's any advice in there. Do what feels right for you, your family, and your situation.

    Oh, and the overwhelmed feeling, you aren't the only one. Crying over something silly, yup, got that too. (I'm not even post partum!) I guess it's just a part of being a new mom.


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