Thoughts on "Unsung Lullabies" - #1

I'm not done with the book, but I had some initial thoughts I wanted to write down...

The book talks about how some women and men will sacrifice their career or whatever because they are trying to have a baby and how some, if not all, feel guilty about the choices they had made when the baby doesn't appear to be coming. I know I've felt that way on numerous occasions.

One of the reasons I initially took the job at the company I'm working at was that I would be allowed to work pretty much just 40 hours a week (rarely would I need to work more than that). I wanted to work in such an environment and not a law firm because I thought 40 hours a week is better than 80 when raising a child! If I hadn't wanted a family, I probably would have gone to a law firm. And now that the family hasn't happened yet almost 5 years later, I feel like I sacrificed my career for something that I'm not sure will ever happen. And it frustrates me. And when I have my current company tell me things that apparently aren't true, it pisses me off even more that I sacrificed my career for them. To be fair, most of the time, it is a good place to work, but I really do feel like I was lied to when they turned down not one but two CLEs. How the hell am I supposed to feel? My emotions are already are bubbling at the surface. The littlest thing, as evidenced by my reaction to what happened at my job, can set me off and make me feel miserable. I'm forcing myself to go exercise when I really would rather just stay at my house and curl up into a ball.

The book talks about recognizing that the feelings I describe above can find their root in my struggle with infertility. I do recognize that to certain degree, but that doesn't make things better. I hate all of this. I wish I didn't feel this way. I want my life to be normal.

Update: After working out, I do feel better. I'm down to irritated rather than pissed about the whole job thing.