Pissed Off

This probably isn't going to make much sense to some of you - I just needed to vent - but here's a short recap. A few months ago, I applied for a different position within the company and told my boss about it because I needed to get some information from her. They gave me a promotion and told me that they would pay for CLEs that cover what I work on. One of the reasons for me wanting to leave, other than boredom, was that I was feeling underappreciated by the higher ups and that they were giving this one attorney more opportunities than me. I decided to stay in my current department after the promotion was given to me and because they would pay for some of the CLEs that I need to take. I felt obligated to since my boss was being so nice to me and because she knew all about the infertility, and I didn't feel like having to explain that to someone else.

Anyway, as to the reason why I'm pissed. I feel like my boss values me, but no one else in this stupid company does. It doesn't help that last week, the VP is willing to give credit to someone else other than me on a project I completed.

Maybe it is like what the book says that I'm reading in that because my body doesn't want to cooperate in getting pregnant, I feel like other parts of me are failures too. I don't know, but I do know that I'm pissed. They SAID that they would pay for CLEs that have something to do with what I do, but that was all a bunch of crap to keep me in this crappy position. I can't believe that I was swayed by everyone to stay here because I owed it to my boss to stay here after all they've done for me. I wish I would have continued to pursue that other position in this company.

Right now, I'm planning to send out a resume to another local company and any place else that I can find that sounds at least a little better than my current job does - and really, that won't take much to be better.

Perhaps all will be o.k. Perhaps all will be better later and perhaps I'm overreacting, but it isn't just the CLE that I'm pissed about. This has been brewing for a long time. It isn't like I haven't looked elsewhere before.