Emotions
This is only the 2nd day in my work week, and I feel like I've been working for 5 days. I need a vacation so badly.
Last night, I went to my support group and we were meeting in Auburn. It didn't take me as long to get there as I thought, and the house was easy to find. It was the coming back home that was a pain. I got lost and went down the wrong way at least 3 times. The name of the road, as far as I could tell, was different from where I had turned before. It kinda bugs me when they do that! Over here, it is (this is just an example) A Street and just a few feet down the other direction, it is B Street. Anywho, since I don't deal well with getting lost, I'm fearful that my stress caused problems with this IUI working. It may not be true, but that's how I feel.
And my temperature is not alleviating any fears. It is still on the lowish side, so I'm not quite sure what to make of that. It went up, but barely. And I don't know which temps are high because the house was way too freaking hot, and therefore, so was I. THANK GOD the Clomid is out of my system and I'm not having night sweats on top of the way too hot temperature outside. Also, thankfully, the temps seem to have gone down some so it actually feels somewhat comfortable outside and inside our house.
Anyway, I'm scared that this cycle won't work. And I'm hopeful that it will. What a strange feeling it will be if it does work! Something that I've been wanting for so long is finally a reality. It will be such a strange concept - me - pregnant? Me - a mother? I've been on this infertility rollercoaster for so long that sometimes it doesn't feel like I'll ever get off. It seems like such a huge part of me that it will be an odd transition - but, of course, a welcome one!
I'm not sure it will feel real in the beginning. I don't think it will feel real until I have the first ultrasound, and even then, I'm not sure it will feel really real until I have the baby in my arms. I want so much for this cycle to work - mainly because I hate this emotional rollercoaster. I want to get off now. I want to get off this infertility rollercoaster and move onto the motherhood one. I imagine myself getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth to our baby, and holding our baby for the first time as my husband looks on with such joy in his eyes. I'm ready to make this a reality, but it will certainly be strange once it is.
On a different note, I'm seriously considering on letting one of my friends know about this blog, if not all. I'm not sure how they will respond. I'm going to walk around Greenlake with a friend tonight and I might mention it to her. I feel like I'm hiding part of myself by not sharing this blog with others. I do share some info with them on my other blog they know about. Some info I don't share until after I know the results of a cycle.
Do you any of you share your blog with your, for lack of a better word, "real-life" friends? Did you share it after you've had it for a while? If so, how did they respond?
Last night, I went to my support group and we were meeting in Auburn. It didn't take me as long to get there as I thought, and the house was easy to find. It was the coming back home that was a pain. I got lost and went down the wrong way at least 3 times. The name of the road, as far as I could tell, was different from where I had turned before. It kinda bugs me when they do that! Over here, it is (this is just an example) A Street and just a few feet down the other direction, it is B Street. Anywho, since I don't deal well with getting lost, I'm fearful that my stress caused problems with this IUI working. It may not be true, but that's how I feel.
And my temperature is not alleviating any fears. It is still on the lowish side, so I'm not quite sure what to make of that. It went up, but barely. And I don't know which temps are high because the house was way too freaking hot, and therefore, so was I. THANK GOD the Clomid is out of my system and I'm not having night sweats on top of the way too hot temperature outside. Also, thankfully, the temps seem to have gone down some so it actually feels somewhat comfortable outside and inside our house.
Anyway, I'm scared that this cycle won't work. And I'm hopeful that it will. What a strange feeling it will be if it does work! Something that I've been wanting for so long is finally a reality. It will be such a strange concept - me - pregnant? Me - a mother? I've been on this infertility rollercoaster for so long that sometimes it doesn't feel like I'll ever get off. It seems like such a huge part of me that it will be an odd transition - but, of course, a welcome one!
I'm not sure it will feel real in the beginning. I don't think it will feel real until I have the first ultrasound, and even then, I'm not sure it will feel really real until I have the baby in my arms. I want so much for this cycle to work - mainly because I hate this emotional rollercoaster. I want to get off now. I want to get off this infertility rollercoaster and move onto the motherhood one. I imagine myself getting pregnant, being pregnant, giving birth to our baby, and holding our baby for the first time as my husband looks on with such joy in his eyes. I'm ready to make this a reality, but it will certainly be strange once it is.
On a different note, I'm seriously considering on letting one of my friends know about this blog, if not all. I'm not sure how they will respond. I'm going to walk around Greenlake with a friend tonight and I might mention it to her. I feel like I'm hiding part of myself by not sharing this blog with others. I do share some info with them on my other blog they know about. Some info I don't share until after I know the results of a cycle.
Do you any of you share your blog with your, for lack of a better word, "real-life" friends? Did you share it after you've had it for a while? If so, how did they respond?
Labels: General Infertility, IUI #3, Work
posted by seattlegal @ 11:33 AM
3 Comments:
At 4:05 PM ,
GLouise said...
I haven't shared my blog with "real life" people yet. It is nice to have a quiet place to escape, and not have to censor myself.
This may change in the future, but I like it this way for now.
I like gravida's rule about "don't discuss" the content.
At 4:02 AM ,
Meg said...
Hi SeattleGal, when I started the blog, I just told my fella, but slowly slowly I told more people.. I think most of the people close to me know about it now (strangely my sister doesn't) but I have asked those people not to talk about it with me or tell anyone else.
Sometimes I do wish I'd kept my big mouth shut, but on the other hand, there's no reason to be ashamed of anything I write when it's the truth. Know what I mean?
At 11:53 AM ,
Donna said...
I still haven't told my family about my blog, and I don't plan to. There are a small select group of friends that read, but most of them have also been through IF struggles, so I didn't feel strange about that. Now they just read to keep up with me!
Don't tell anyone if you feel pressured or like you are lying because you have this part of your life you aren't sharing! If you feel like it's causing a problem or you really want their input and it's easier for them to read it then to talk to you about it, then maybe it's OK.
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