What's Going On?
Today is CD 36. I'm feeling a bit nauseous today and I'm also still cramping - though not as bad as yesterday. I'm wondering what's going on? I want to take a pregnancy test, but I'm too scared to. What if it says I'm negative and then AF comes to visit the next day? That's the way it's happened before. And I can't get my hopes up this time. I've done that too many times in the past and AF just shows up a little bit late.
I have a doctor appointment on Monday - mainly to ask for another prescription for allergies and to ask her if I should start having mammograms done since my mom and an aunt have been diagnosed with breast cancer and another aunt has pre-cancerous cells. Maybe when I'm there on Monday, if AF hasn't shown up then, I'll ask for a blood test. But even for me, that's sounds a bit early to check - it's been this late before - and I had my hopes up only to have them crushed. I can't have high hopes this time - it's too dangerous.
I wish I could just know what's going on? I haven't missed AF's visit in a very long time - the last time she didn't come every month as scheduled was way back before I went on birth control pills - probably about 8-9 years ago. Once on bc pills and even after I got off of them, AF has shown up every month - usually around day 31 or 32 though sometimes that varies.
I hate this waiting game. I know I could just take a pregnancy test and just find out, but if I didn't have these cramps, I just might - but these cramps just feel like AF cramps.
However, when at a friend's baby shower almost 10 months ago, someone asked her if she felt different when she first found out - did she know that she was pregnant? She said no not really. She started to feel cramps like she usually does, and she remembers thinking that either she will have AF visit soon or something else was going on. Well, obviously, it turns out something else was going on. I hope that this is the case with me. I daydream about our kids being the best of friends growing up because they would be so close in age. I daydream about being pregnant and finally telling my family after 4 long years, that we finally are pregnant. I daydream about giving birth to our child...our beautiful child. I daydream about so much when it comes to our child. I really should stop doing this because it just makes my hopes go even higher, but it's hard not to when you've wanted this for so long.
I forgot to mention yesterday that a friend from college who I haven't talked to in a while said that she is 7 months pregnant. I am so happy for her - maybe our children can be the best of friends too. :-)
I have a doctor appointment on Monday - mainly to ask for another prescription for allergies and to ask her if I should start having mammograms done since my mom and an aunt have been diagnosed with breast cancer and another aunt has pre-cancerous cells. Maybe when I'm there on Monday, if AF hasn't shown up then, I'll ask for a blood test. But even for me, that's sounds a bit early to check - it's been this late before - and I had my hopes up only to have them crushed. I can't have high hopes this time - it's too dangerous.
I wish I could just know what's going on? I haven't missed AF's visit in a very long time - the last time she didn't come every month as scheduled was way back before I went on birth control pills - probably about 8-9 years ago. Once on bc pills and even after I got off of them, AF has shown up every month - usually around day 31 or 32 though sometimes that varies.
I hate this waiting game. I know I could just take a pregnancy test and just find out, but if I didn't have these cramps, I just might - but these cramps just feel like AF cramps.
However, when at a friend's baby shower almost 10 months ago, someone asked her if she felt different when she first found out - did she know that she was pregnant? She said no not really. She started to feel cramps like she usually does, and she remembers thinking that either she will have AF visit soon or something else was going on. Well, obviously, it turns out something else was going on. I hope that this is the case with me. I daydream about our kids being the best of friends growing up because they would be so close in age. I daydream about being pregnant and finally telling my family after 4 long years, that we finally are pregnant. I daydream about giving birth to our child...our beautiful child. I daydream about so much when it comes to our child. I really should stop doing this because it just makes my hopes go even higher, but it's hard not to when you've wanted this for so long.
I forgot to mention yesterday that a friend from college who I haven't talked to in a while said that she is 7 months pregnant. I am so happy for her - maybe our children can be the best of friends too. :-)
posted by seattlegal @ 1:03 PM
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