Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Friday, August 22, 2008

Appointment Today

Caution - baby talk ahead..though there normally is on this blog, but just another warning.

In about 2 hours, I'll be at the ultrasound clinic for the NT scan. In about 2 hours, I'll know whether my fears are real or irrational. I'm hoping the latter. I pray for the latter. Every few days, I seem to have this fear that the baby isn't o.k. One day this past week, I had a breakdown convinced that the dream I had of losing the baby was real. And I wasn't where my husband was and I wished he was there to calm me down.

Lately, there have been some things going on with me (I don't feel comfortable going into detail here...not yet...trying to find the right words) that have caused me to not feel all that happy about things. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about being pregnant again and happy about having another child. It just feels like...I don't know - where are the right words when you need them?

I think what makes this difficult for me to find the right words is because I'm not sure where I belong. I don't know if I can count myself in the infertile world anymore and yet, I don't feel like I belong in the fertile world either. So who do I talk to? Jon thinks I should visit a therapist and perhaps I should. I haven't seen a therapist since the first weeks of my support group (I plan to tell them today if everything goes well). Looking at my past posts, it seems one day I can be happy and so full of joy and the next, I'm at the opposite end.

Anyway, I hope everything goes well today. I have the appointment at 2:45 (really 3, but need to be there at 2:45) and my OB appointment at 4:10. I'll update as soon as I can.

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