Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Friday, September 01, 2006

I felt the need to post this...

This afternoon, the pregnant vanpool girl was talking about friends or relatives that she had that is or has gone through IVF. And it was nice of her to share these stories - after all, I read blogs and joined a support group so I could hear stories like this so I knew I wasn't alone in this. However, I just was having kind of a crappy day in that I kept thinking of IVF and how much I wish that this wasn't happening to me. I just can't even believe we've made it this far - IVF was something that other people had to do, not me! I guess I just wasn't in the mood to hear how it worked for others - I want to hear that it has worked for me. I'm sure most of you can understand this.

But tonight when I went walking around Greenlake with a friend, I think I gave the impression to my friend that I don't appreciate people trying to talk to me about this, that I don't appreciate hearing success stories, which isn't true. I don't want people to be afraid of saying the wrong thing or not trying to make me feel better with all of this. I need all the support I can get. I don't know why hearing pregnant vanpool girl talking about this annoyed me - I really don't know - I have a lot of hope IVF working for us, but I am so completely scared that it won't. I'm afraid of this whole process. If this doesn't work, this is it for us having a biological child and I'm not ready to move to adoption.

I'm rambling. I've just been feeling a lot of anxiety about all of this. It really hit me when I went to go sign the loan documents the other day - all that money! Sure, being in the shared risk program eases some of the anxiety, but there is still a lot of anxiety for reasons I've mentioned before - the physical side of the process and if it doesn't work, we'll have to grieve the loss of not having a biological child.

Anyway, I should stop rambling. I'm really excited about tomorrow - at least the concert part of the day - not so much the drive to and from the Gorge part of the day. I'm sure the Dave Matthews Band will put on a great show as they always do (this is my 3rd time seeing them), so it will be worth it.

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7 Comments:

  • At 2:30 PM , Blogger Debbi said...

    Of course you feel that way. sometimes you want all kinds of hope and success stories and there are times you feel like it will never happen to you and you don't want to hear about all of the people who happened to win the lottery. Totally understandable. Try to take it easy on yourself. IF is not for pansies, after all.

    hope you have a fabulous time at the concert!!!

     
  • At 5:46 PM , Blogger Nickie said...

    I totally understand the fear of "what if IVF doesn't work" it's the end-all, be-all of IF treatments. If THIS doesn't work what will we do? I'm having the exact same thoughts. I hope we are both happily surprised in a few weeks.

     
  • At 4:26 AM , Blogger Jules said...

    I find I can cope, when I hear about success of a long term IVF TTCer. But, I struggle with the first time IVF successes.

    What if...? I'm scared to give up. I'll try anything to have a baby. What happens when i get to the end of the road?

    I hope you have a fantastic time at the concert.

     
  • At 6:15 AM , Blogger lola said...

    I completely understand how you feel. Sometimes you just don't want to hear anyone's hopeful story. You're not alone in that.

    I hope the concert was great, I also love DMB.

    lola

     
  • At 6:20 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I'm not crazy about hearing success stories, either. I have a really hard time applying them to me, or I find some small detail of the story that automatically excludes me. It sucks.

    Hope the concert was fun!

     
  • At 5:51 PM , Blogger GLouise said...

    Pregnant people talking about pregnancy is ALWAYS annoying to me! Maybe that's what is grating you, too? Did pregnant van pool girl get pg via IVF?

     
  • At 6:36 PM , Blogger seattlegal said...

    Nope, she didn't. She got pregnant with no medical intervention whatsoever - I wonder what that's like...

     

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