HCG Shot & More
The shot wasn't too bad - though I was completely nervous about it. Have I mentioned I hate needles? It stung a little, but it wasn't that bad. I'm so happy that's over with though! Now, that the shot is out of the way, I'm thinking a lot more about the IUI itself, the dreaded 2 week wait, and then what the results will be.
Honestly, I'm scared. One of the reasons I didn't go the RE for the longest time was that I was scared of the disappointment. We had tried an IUI before, and it obviously didn't work. I was depressed afterwards when it hadn't worked. I am afraid of going there again. I can feel now just how depressed I will be if this doesn't work - and I can't imagine what I'd feel if I was doing an IVF which costs so much more and involves so a lot more medication/shots.
I really hate this. As some have said in this crappy world of infertility, it feels like we are being punished and fined for having bodies that don't want to cooperate and bear children. So many women can get pregnant so easily - why - WHY does it have to be so difficult for women who I know will be such wonderful mothers and for men who I know will be such wonderful fathers? I know my husband will be the best dad - I have seen him with my nieces and nephews and they ADORE him. UGH - I'm crying as I write this and I know I should be in a happier and more hopeful mood, but I'm just not. I don't know if this will work, but I will regret it if I don't try!
I wish I could share what's going on with my "non-internet" friends and family, but I just can't bear to hear the questions in 2 weeks whether we know the results or not. I will tell them after I find out the results that we did an IUI, but not now. I am glad that I can share this with all of you and with my support group. As I've said before, I don't know what I'd do without all of you! Thank you!
Honestly, I'm scared. One of the reasons I didn't go the RE for the longest time was that I was scared of the disappointment. We had tried an IUI before, and it obviously didn't work. I was depressed afterwards when it hadn't worked. I am afraid of going there again. I can feel now just how depressed I will be if this doesn't work - and I can't imagine what I'd feel if I was doing an IVF which costs so much more and involves so a lot more medication/shots.
I really hate this. As some have said in this crappy world of infertility, it feels like we are being punished and fined for having bodies that don't want to cooperate and bear children. So many women can get pregnant so easily - why - WHY does it have to be so difficult for women who I know will be such wonderful mothers and for men who I know will be such wonderful fathers? I know my husband will be the best dad - I have seen him with my nieces and nephews and they ADORE him. UGH - I'm crying as I write this and I know I should be in a happier and more hopeful mood, but I'm just not. I don't know if this will work, but I will regret it if I don't try!
I wish I could share what's going on with my "non-internet" friends and family, but I just can't bear to hear the questions in 2 weeks whether we know the results or not. I will tell them after I find out the results that we did an IUI, but not now. I am glad that I can share this with all of you and with my support group. As I've said before, I don't know what I'd do without all of you! Thank you!
posted by seattlegal @ 1:34 PM
2 Comments:
At 4:22 PM ,
YouGuysKnow said...
hey. hang in there. i have felt many many of the things you write about in this post. same as you, we're keeping things WAY on the downlow with even TTC in general, much less IVF. i posted about that recently. it is sometimes really hard not having someone to talk to, but for me it works better than having other people monitoring my fertility - as if i don't monitor it enough!
i know what you mean about being "scared to be depressed". my therapist really helped me untangle that mess. :)
congrats on the HGC shot and i hope things go swimmingly in the next handful of days! be brave, be strong. (and be hopeful!!) hugs
At 6:32 AM ,
x said...
The 2ww sucks equally, no matter how much you have paid for treatments. I didn't realize how bad it sucks until I am in it. I never understood people saying the 2ww was the worst part but it is. The minutes are dragging by.
Wow, bet that cheered you up.
What I mean to say is...All the best and I hope the 2ww flies by.
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