Depressing Morning

I wish I could be someone who didn't want kids or someone who didn't care one way or the other if they had kids, then when I thought I could be pregnant because I'm late and then it turns out I'm not pregnant, I won't be so disappointed or actually, devastated is a better word. What's weird is that last night I had a dream that I miscarried, but way later on in the pregnancy.

I spent a good part of this morning crying and telling myself to stop crying - that it just wasn't meant to happen this time, but I don't know how much more of telling myself that that I can handle. I believe in God; I believe that He has helped me with and through so many things. I keep thinking maybe this is a test, like on that episode of House where the nun started to not believe in God when one of the doctors told her maybe this was her test to see how strong her belief was. But how many tests can I be given before my faith is believed - before I will actually end up pregnant and will actually have a healthy baby join our family 9 months later? Or before I've put through so many tests so that I will no longer believe in God?