Books & Infertility

I'm reading this book called The Time Traveler's Wife

Read more at your own risk... as I spoil part of the book...


In it, I came across a section I wasn't expecting. The couple are having trouble with having children. They become pregnant, but keep having miscarriages. Eventually, they become pregnant and carry the child to term. The part that the wife describes how she feels and how her husband feels at what his wife is feeling hit so close to home. I'd say that's exactly how I'm feeling - such loss, such anger, such grief - and I've never even become pregnant. Her husband reacts in a way that's different from my husband, but I can imagine that he might feel the same way at points in his frustration in not being able to make things better that for the husband in the book turns to anger at his wife - not because she can't keep a pregnancy - but because he wants his wife to give up. He seems to understand why she can't, but he wishes that she could.

How can you ask someone to give up on something that they've waited so long for? It's just not going to happen easily - or ever. A part of me is missing - I feel empty inside - do they who say this really want me to go through life like this? Would they like that for themselves? Do people who tell me to relax think that it's really helping to tell me this? I can't stand to hear those words anymore. I sometimes wish that I was a woman who had no desire to be a mother - to be pregnant - to give birth to a baby. That way, I wouldn't have to feel such grief, such loss, such bitterness, such anger. I saw myself in the character in this book - I only hope that I will finally have a child like the character in the book. I will treasure my child so much knowing all that I've been through to have him or her...but I think I've waited long enough. It's time for you to come, my sweet darling child. I'm ready for you. We're ready for you. Please, PLEASE, come soon. I want to finally meet you. I hope to see you soon.