CD1

Yep, the title of this post is CD1 because at 3:30 this morning AF decided it would be a great time to visit AND with a vengeance. Those cramps hurt A LOT. I took a prescription strength ibuprofen and put on a heating pad and waited until both of those things worked. Eventually, they did but not before I lost a lot of sleep. And I can feel another cramp coming so it may be time for some more medicine.

I had thought about getting up at 3:30 because I couldn't sleep and write in my blog, but I think it might have been good that I didn't do so. I was way too emotional at that time. I still am, but not with the same intensity I was then. Sleep does help sometimes.

What is wrong with me anyway? How could I possibly think that I could be pregnant after 17 DPO? That's my normal luteal phase, but I forgot about that because, for some reason, my luteal phase has been shorter lately. And it didn't help that fertility friend said it would show up sometime this weekend, and it didn't. How could I possibly have hope after nearly 4 years? If it hasn't happened already, it seems likely it isn't ever going to happen. I'm already 32 years old. That may seem young, but it isn't in the world of fertility. I wish people who think that it is young would just stop saying that!

So I guess we're going to the adoption meeting after all - probably to make me more depressed than I already am. I guess God wants us to go into major debt to have children - either through adoption or through further fertility treatments that the insurance company doesn't cover.

Well, I suppose I should go and get something to eat and take my herbal medicine.