Desperately Seeking Baby...Babies Found

My thoughts on raising twins and a singleton after infertility.

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Friday, November 12, 2010

Mommy Guilt

So about that topic I mentioned in yesterday's post, it was all about mommy guilt. I read this article the other day and it brought up a topic that has been a big one for me ever since having kids. I wanted to write this really great blog post on this, but it turns out, I'm not a writer. Anyway...

I have to work. These days, I would love to stay at home with my kids, but it just isn't an option for me. Someone once said - why would you go through all that (that being IVF) and not stay home with your kids? My answer - because I can't. Financially, it just isn't feasible. Does that make me a worse mother because I have to go to work? That I didn't better plan financially so that I could stay home with my kids? I feel guilt about that every day - that I wasn't better about my money when I was younger. But I don't think I am a worse mother because I am not staying at home with my kids. I do what I have to do and try to make the most of the time with my kids when I am with them (though honestly, at times, they frustrate me). I am so looking forward to taking them to a concert tomorrow where 12 year old kids play the fiddle. Awesome! Then, later, they have their gymnastics class. They are so adorable in that and they love it!

Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't also take time for myself away from work and away from the kids. And yes, I do feel guilt about that too - especially in the beginning. How dare I want time for myself when I went through all of that to have kids? But everyone does need a break - a time to be alone or even have some fun adult time. I started a monthly book club and I started a moms group at my church. These are my outlets.

I still feel the mommy guilt all the time. At book club, if I'm there too long, I start to feel bad because I should be hanging out with my kids. I feel guilt when I pick up my kids at daycare/preschool. I should be the one being with my kids during the day, not them. At the same time, I know they are learning so much at the preschool and they get a chance to play with other kids their own age.

So in the end- mommy guilt will always be there no matter what, but I think it starts to get less and less as time goes on with flare-ups every once in a while.

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  • At 9:55 PM , Anonymous :-jon said...

    Back in the old days, mothers would leave their kids at daycare, aka the old women of the village, so that the mothers could go out and gather food and fire wood. And, as soon as the kid was old enough to start doing chores, such as walking 2 miles to the fetch water, the kids would be doing that all day.

    I think things are better for our kids than it was for the parents in the long long ago.

    Maybe, for some affluent folk, there was a "Leave It to Beaver" lifestyle. But I really think that was a minority.


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