Starting Over Again
Today is CD1 and I'm depressed. Sure, I can get up and go to work, laugh, and do many other things, but when your heart gets broken every month for the past 4 years, it takes a toll on you. A toll I don't know how much longer I can take.
I'm going to the RE on Monday, but it isn't coming soon enough and it also seems to close. I'm scared to go back. I'm scared what she might say. What if she says IVF is the only way or she says that there is no chance I'll get pregnant?
I'm also anxious - what if she feels like there is hope? What if she thinks an IUI will work this time?
I wish I knew what she was going to say at the same time I don't want to know.
Not only am I depressed, I have this painful reminder that it didn't work out this month. The cramps are completely unbearable and I desperately wish I could just go home, but will my boss let me leave because of feminine issues? Probably not. And I have an acupuncture appointment tonight, so who knows how I'm going to get through that.
On the positive side, my cycle was 27 days - just 1 day off of what I wanted it to be.
Well, anyway, that's what's going on right now. I just don't know what else to say.
I'm going to the RE on Monday, but it isn't coming soon enough and it also seems to close. I'm scared to go back. I'm scared what she might say. What if she says IVF is the only way or she says that there is no chance I'll get pregnant?
I'm also anxious - what if she feels like there is hope? What if she thinks an IUI will work this time?
I wish I knew what she was going to say at the same time I don't want to know.
Not only am I depressed, I have this painful reminder that it didn't work out this month. The cramps are completely unbearable and I desperately wish I could just go home, but will my boss let me leave because of feminine issues? Probably not. And I have an acupuncture appointment tonight, so who knows how I'm going to get through that.
On the positive side, my cycle was 27 days - just 1 day off of what I wanted it to be.
Well, anyway, that's what's going on right now. I just don't know what else to say.
posted by seattlegal @ 1:38 PM
2 Comments:
At 3:16 PM ,
DinosaurD said...
Hi Heather
So sorry that this wasn't "the" cycle. At the very least, you are still quite young (fertility wise). Hopefully your doctor will have some news that will help - it's not always bad news although I know sometimes it can seem that way.
Hang in there
DinoD
At 4:03 PM ,
seattlegal said...
Thank you, dinosaurd. I really appreciate all the support I can get. I hope that you're doing o.k. after your loss. :'-(
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