Nearing the End of Another Cycle

Today is CD26; 13DPO according to fertility friend. I should be happy that it looks like I might have a "normal" cycle, but I'm not - not today. Because I know - I just know - that once again, this cycle isn't my cycle to become a mom. My breasts are less sore than they've been over the past few days and I'm starting to feel some cramping. Not good signs.

I tell myself every time not to get my hopes up because every time, EVERY TIME, they are crushed - destroyed. But do I listen to myself? Of course not. I still get that hope that this time will finally be it. And this time, like every other time, I will be hurt when I wake up and see my temperature is low which means what we all know it means. I get so mad at myself for letting myself hold some hope that it will happen this time because I should know better. But I felt miserable this morning. I just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball and cry, but I couldn't because I needed to come to work.

My temp is still kinda up at 98.1, but I just know it is only a matter of time before it goes down and plus 98.1 isn't all that high.

Well, anyway, that's all for now. I'm sure I'll be writing a depressing post in the next couple days. :-(